Treating parents like children

I've helped a couple of friends (one in her 80's) to use their computers and they say I'm more patient than other friends or their children. I always suggest that they write down what they have learned so they can refer back to it till it comes automatically. Also help my husband quite often, who back in the day was the one who showed me how to use an Amstrad. Must admit not so patience with the husband.

I find my DCs treat me as if I am only half witted. I have found this annoying and wish I could make short work of them. I have a condition which makes me very tired so I go for the easy option of trying to ignore it. I am losing confidence.
SarahC mentioned that her DC does similar when stressed. My DCs may well be stressed too. They work all hours to keep their male OHs. Now that is annoying me and real old style but I think they should get out of their situations but they dont want to be single parents! I am not happy to be spoken to the way I am. Stress may be the cause for a lot of the actions of our DCs
SPF

My eldest daughter lives abroad and visits for a month in the summer. Last summer she HELD MY HAND TO CROSS A ROAD!!

On the other hand how do you treat your daughter? I am a daughter living in the same house as my mother and she forgets I am In my 60's treating me like a naughty girl and questioning all my decisions. She used to say the same as you. Perhaps you are treating her the same. Tell her you may be surprised if you talk to her!

Hi Debzz No, I never do that. She didn't really mean to hold my hand, it was a reflex thing to grab me and then run. I thought it was quite funny.

Be happy that you see them at all - mine live quite far away and I'd love my son to hold my hand anytime!

I think I'd just put up with it, because there might come a time when I do need it, and I wouldn't have wanted to put them off trying to look after me.

Well luckily for me I am computer literate and started working with them years ago. The cry in our house was always 'Mum the computer ....etc etc, never their Father. I have had to buy an IPad for him and set his phone up.

My DH has a very high IQ and had a profession where people were people were in awe. So I do patronise him when he asks me some technical questions about the computer. It is childish really but I think that's why children do it to us. They are somehow taking pleasure in the role reversal.

Yes, my daughter can be patronising at times. I bite my tongue on the outside, but it absolutely infuriates me. Last week we had spent a lot of time together, and by the weekend I just needed time alone.
I also have a close neighbour who tries to boss me around, and I feel quite murderous some days.

As my DD knows only too well I'm very independent (so is she) & I do have to sometimes remind myself not to try to do too much, time may come when I need their help, I do however need help with some DIY jobs (gave away most of the tools when DH died)

My DD is much better at the "techie stuff" than me, partly because if it works ok for me I don't bother looking further. One of my "defaults" is "I know I'm probably being stupid but", stops her being patronising

My DM is still alive (88) & still quite capable, lives on her own, we all worry about each other, I sometimes feel like the "filling in the middle of the sandwich". I wouldn't dare patronise DM!!

The occasional "hey don't speak to your mother like that" said lightly, seems to do the trick!

I'm with you legs55 I quite often feel like that. My big problem is my DPs telling me 'we've lost the apps on our phone' when one of them (probably DF has turned the [insert expletive of choice] modem off). They had also never heard of 'mobile data' until I explained it to them . When DD and DGD lived there they let DGD sit on DF's lap when he was using the laptop and then would call my DS to come and sort out said laptop as 'the wifi wasn't working' as DGD had pushed the button and turned it off. I do despair of them at times but would never patronise them as I would hate it if my DC's did that to me

I am a technophobe sadly, I wish I could remember how to do the phone/laptop/tv/camera stuff I've been grudgingly shown just once. However, it gets in the way of important things like knowing the lyrics of every 1960s protest song, how to rewire a plug, which vegetables are in season at any one time, countries & their capital cities, & knowing my 13 times table.

Yes, for technological problems, grandchildren are the answer. They use anything with a screen as second nature....perhaps first nature....and are proud of being able to help, rather than exasperated.

I'm quite tech savvy. A case of having to be when my son moved to Canada and had to set up Skype. I have a weird eyesight condition and doing something on a computer is far easier for me than reading it on paper. Plus my ex wasn't tech savvy in the slightest so someone had to learn! My friend who has just turned 50 can't be doing with it and in her words "I like doing things the old fashioned way". Don't think she can get to grips with all the technology.

Tell her that you taught her how to eat with a spoon and didn't ridicule her when she failed first time.

Oh sorry. Just posted similar to another post...Oops. Also none of mine would be so patronising. In fact my middle DS has spend a very patient hour helping my DH with new computer. Not one sigh or aggravated comments. Just kind and helpful. I would put her straight.

We have similar problem to OP whose DC don't realise we're getting older. I had a hip replacement a few years ago and neither daughter was either use nor ornament. One lives nearby and one a few hours away. I realise they are both busy with their families, homes and jobs but an offer of help no matter how small would have been appreciated. They just assume we can cope as we always have. Now it's DH's turn for the same op soon. I'm dreading it. I'm not as fit and well as he was when he looked after me and have chronic back pain. I don't like cooking and am not as good as DH but no offers of help yet. . . . Perhaps we shouldn't seem so fit and well all the time?
I certainly wouldn't accept rudeness or patronising behaviours though.

I am 69 and tech savvy, in fact I work on a one to one basis helping older people learn to use the computer at our sessions run by our local library! My student at the moment is 81 and forgets from one week to the next so I have inroduced her to an ipad which she finds so much easier and is now getting on fine. Maybe here are some classes in your area. Also gc better that adults for teaching you they seem to have the knack of how to talk to you. As for your daughter, well I think she needs to be told about how she speaks to you and show some respect

When I was working I was regarded as the computer expert in the team but I can fully endorse the saying "use it or lose it". Technology has moved so quickly in the last 10 years.
I'm OK with the computer BUT have real problems with the cloud and uploading photos from my phone to the PC or to Facebook. And downloading books to my ereader is a nightmare - mind you the "instruction" book seems to be a direct translation from Japanese and makes little sense, even to my tech savvy daughter.
My husband worked with computers all his working life and taught our eldest to programme an Amstrad when he was 9. Guess who asks who for advice these days?

It is all part of the lack of respect for the older generation in our culture. Patronising is bad enough but my daughter gives me cooking and housework tips. I have never been all that interested in it so that's ok but the other day she and some friends laughed at me because I went to get the 'germolene' for a grandson's injury. It was followed by some 'AAhhh' style cooing and one said 'that's so sweet'.
Can anyone enlighten me?
I am educated, still teaching in a state school and am writing a book. So I don't know why I am treated like a bloody idiot.

My DD often does that too! I am quite tech savvy but now and again hit a bump in the road. I can remember with my own, sadly dearly departed, parents: couldn't set the video, let alone work out how to play it back! I used to get quite frustrated with them, so understand that what takes us a bit longer to grasp seems so easy to them now that they can't understand why we have a problem. That being said, she shouldn't be patronising or make you feel bad. Time to say how you feel about it my dear, in the nicest possible way!

I must admit to thinking that germoline is so old-fashioned! I have never used it. The whole family uses Savlon.

It was mean to make fun of you though.

We tell our kids the reason they are so bright is because we made them that way.

Be happy that you see them at all - mine live quite far away and I'd love my son to hold my hand anytime!

Regarding Rock post - copy above..... mine also is many thousands of miles away, this post has gripped me.