Why oh why?

Is there any way you can get an iPhone, even a second hand one, Luckygirl, and use FaceTime instead on it. Much easier than Skype I think. I'm sorry you're having such a hard time with your DH, you sound such a lovely caring wife to him with such a difficult condition

I have never used Sjype aa a friend suggested I use Viber, which several of my friends use. I think it is similar and I've never had any problems.

I too live alone so have nobody in the house to tell me what I can and can't do, but my youngest son looks after any computer problems I have. He has been known to moan at me if he thinks it is something I have done which has caused a problem, so I am always wary of trying to sort things out myself. ?

I did try to gently explain that way up there Lewlew, but surprisingly, no one noticed.

Not surprising at all Kitty just sad,

I usually read the thread before posting so apologies for not having done so this time as I'm probably repeating advice already given. Download Malwarebytes anti malware, it's free, then run it weekly. I did this after my email account was hacked (more than once) last year. No problems since. Maybe Mr Lucky can be persuaded you are safe.

Men seem to become strange when old age has arrived. Maybe they feel they have a loss of control. The idea that your husband "forbids' you something sounds very Victorian and not to be endured. Thank goodness I'm divorced or that sort of behaviour would be a reason to get divorced. Either tell him not to act like this or get your own. It'll be worth it.

This is not as simply telling your OH to P* off as various members have suggested.
When a person is displaying behaviour that is being caused by a medical or pyschological/neurological condition it is likely that they cannot manage to control their "obsessive behaviour" anxiety etc etc.

However, just because you know that person has an "illness" does not make the behaviour any easier to live with.
I am aware of this first hand.

I seem to remember too that Lucky said her DH had taken early retirement through anxiety. I may be wrong but combined with PD and having a medical background I think the poor man must be living with an inner hell. Combine that with the number of drugs that are prescribed for PD ( I have two friends with Pd at different stages) then the he probably has an outlet by trying to control something and op is trying to treat him respectfully as one does being married for x years by coming on here and venting. I am a generation that could not say Butt out or shut up to my DH as he would not to me.

Luckygirl you sound so frustrated. You say your DH has PD. If his behaviour has changed dramatically there is an horrible chance he may be developing dementia. My DP has young onset dementia and I have met other carers who's partners have had PD that have then developed dementia. You should speak to your GP. Good luck I wouldn't wish it on anyone. X

My own H's behaviour/anxiety/ adherence to strict routine is both wearing and trying but he can't alter and expecting him to do so is akin to banging your head against a brick wall.
We who have these issues have to deal with them in the best way we can, it doesn't make life any easier though when others say they wouldn't put up with it. What are we to do? If I say anything it is forgotten in 5 minutes and he does it/ says it again. We could walk out of course but...
My entire sympathy and understanding are with Luckygirl and I am pleased she can come on here and talk about these things in the knowledge that some of us totally understand as someone upthread has already said.

Just to put in a word for PD sufferers not all exhibit such behaviour. I personally know two men, one a long term patient aged 82, and one a friend aged 70. Both get a little bewildered by events sometimes but are never controlling or very difficult to live with.

As we see time and time again on GN there are many women married to control freaks, fussy eaters, bullies, demanding and miserable old buggers.

We've even had two mentions of being deliberately locked out of the house as punishment!

On the flipside, it's always cheering to see husbands who whilst being ill or having the odd foible are pleasant and loving partners.

dorsetpennt Have you read the thread ? Mr lucky has Parkinson's disease. He's not a Victorian Neanderthal. He's a retired doctor and now has a bloody awful disease.
It's obvious that you've never been worked in the ' caring' workplace because then you would know how some medications affect people.

petra <sigh> It seems not, people don't want to bother to read, they just want to spout off their own mistaken inner-outrage on behalf of OPs thinking it reflects solidarity.

Do be kind to Neanderthals... they are the focus of my archaeology/anthtopology/cognition coursework!

I wanted to just say a big thank you to everyone who has taken the trouble to respond to my "explosion" of 2 days ago.

To those who responded by saying I should not put up with it, thank you for the positive suggestions - I should have explained the background a bit more, but I was, I admit, feeling pretty cross at that moment - I am sure that came across very clearly! Your responses were understandable as I realise from reading back over my OP.

To those who remember the background (and I am impressed by your brilliant memories!), thank you for your understanding and kind responses.

As has been pointed out, my OH has a history of anxiety problems, and this can also (and is with him) be an effect of PD - so we have a double whammy here.

I know that there are others who are going through similar, and often much worse, problems and thank you for your kind posts.

ann has summed it up so well - what do you do? You are living with your life's partner who has changed so hugely - you just stick by them and tick along as best you may, as indeed they would for you if the circumstances were reversed.

It did help me enormously to "blow up" on here; it stopped me directing it elsewhere!

I also anted to affirm, as has been said upthread, that anxiety, dementia, depression etc. are common results of PD, but they do not happen to everyone and many people tick along well on their medications - as indeed in some ways my OH does. Without the modern drugs for PD he would be far far worse than he is, so we are thankful for that.

Thanks to everyone and 3 cheers for Gransnet!

Ozzy Osbourne is of Neanderthal lineage!

I have a huge soft spot for Ozzy. When my mother was in the grip of dementia she used to tell me that he'd been in and kindly watered her potted plants for her

I have no idea why she had him fixed in her mind. I don't remember her ever being a Black Sabbath fan.

Send him to me!

Most of us of European lineage have some Neanderthal DNA. 1-2%.

Very very short article from Nat Geo
genographic.nationalgeographic.com/neanderthal/

We all have some Neanderthal DNA!

Luckygirl I am going to play devil's advocate here and say that your DH could have a point (ducks for cover!) and I am sure your DH knows far more than me.

I have a friend who likes to cross the t's and dot the i's and he said that my pc could have been hacked and that they follow the keystrokes. Other sites can get hacked so never store card details on them, I didn't but they were compromised anyway.
My pc was on its last legs so it is now in pieces!
However, he suggested doing scans very regularly, cleaning and getting rid of browser history, cookies etc.
You could work out some new passwords together - or perhaps he can devise some for you, very strong ones.

I don't get on with Skype so rarely use it.

Look for the padlock next to 'https' but I am sure you know that.

Ps my Dad used to 'hover' to make sure I was doing things right!
DH tends towards it if he's bored.
(Grrr)

I find Skype really intrusive. I have a friend who likes to get in touch every few months or so and I'm conscious that my hair is a mess - she's obviously done hers, put on some make up and tidied the cushions at the back of the chair before making the call.

My dogs have a habit of walking along the back of the sofa and staring at the screen as they can't get their heads around someone actually being IN there.

DH then arrives at the back door yelling for coffee.

The only time that I did manage to use Skype some years agoI was very conscious that my face looked like a deformed fish!

Jalima - I hear what you are saying, but believe me we both have every protection known to man plus a few more!!! OH insists on that - I have no quibble with that; seems to make sense. But even the belt, braces, chastity belt, and lord knows what else is not sufficient for him!

Just remember always to have the last word Luckygirl even if it is 'Yes dear'

You can use Skype for sound-only calls. Just tell people your internet connection isn't up to doing video and stick to talking.

merlot I literally QUIT after a session so I don't hear or see the calls or messages. I gave up on the away or offline option as it still allows people to send a message via SKYPE. If they want me, they have to email, then I open the app.