Why oh why?

Thanks for that Stansgran.

The problem with OH and computer is that he reads up loads on it - gets a mag called ComputerActiv and I would love to hurl it in the bin when it arrives! The cover always has some scare story on it. He reads and reads all this stuff which just feeds his anxiety; but can he print a document/look up a bank statement/shop online/ write a document or in short do anything useful on the pooter? - No!

Sorry to hear about your hip pain. It might be wear and tear, needing a replacement, but it could be something else. eg I have an occasional hip pain after standing which I think is related to a hernia.
My husband knows too much about pooters, he used to have a job repairing them, so I do take him seriously (a bit.) But nowadays, who can keep up?

My hip is already a replacement Tricia just 2.5 years ago. The surgery made me very unwell and it took me over a year to recover. This is why I am so anxious about it going wrong - I really do feel I cannot countenance going through all that again - nor putting my family through it. And OH is now no longer well enough to help me afterwards. I had timed the previous surgery so he would be well enough to cope with this. Sod's Law has been in operation it would seem!

Luckygirl DH read ComputerActiv from the first issue. He has recently cancelled his subscription because he says it has just turned into tabloid journalism, full of Shock, Horror stories.

Soooo glad I live alone!

Reading all the above, I am so, so glad that I live alone!

another alternative is to just have a special bank account that you use for online purchases etc and only keep so much in it, say £200 or something and just top it up when you need to, that way if the worst happens, at least the low lives who do this type of thing won't get all your life savings ...

Tell him it's your laptop and your business.
If that doesn't work be less subtle - just try what Dianne Abbott said to David Davies that should do the trick!

This is one woman who is getting more anxious but I live with a man who doesn't read the small print etc, gets irritable when I try to tell him things and then later tells them back to me as a friend told him. Thinks thing are still the same as 20 years ago.

It is wearing me down and I am now showing symptoms

You say he has PD, which explains a lot. My BIL has it and won't have lamb or beef or let my sister eat it because of Chernobyl and mad cow disease. He also won't fly because he thinks airlines will think he's a terrorist. It's all part of the disease. I don't Skype. I FaceTime or use Tango on my mobile. Would he be ok with that?

Could you have a second iPad with no bank details etc and use it just for skyping?

Hi Lucky Girl, we got sick and tired of Skype freezing on us, , so reverted to whatsapp , easy to use, on android phones, just download app (make sure recipient also has the app) and you can talk via video link, hope this helps

My first re-action when I read the title was 'controlling husband' but as soon as I read the post I realised that it was much more complicated than that.

Luckygirl do you have any idea why he is so anxious and obsessional about computer bugs. Is he by nature an anxious and obsessional person? Has he had a bad experience with a computer bug?
Do you have anti-virus software on your computers, regularly updates? Do you know lots of people who have had these problems? Something must be driving his obsession, does he generally feel out of control of life and concern about the computer gives his life a focus and an area where he thinks he can take action.

Many people above have suggested practical ways to circumvent the effects of his obsession. perhaps you need also to look at why he is like he is over the computer and address that problem.

The pain in your hip must make this problem feel so much worse. I do hope you get the treatment you need as soon as possible

I wonder if following another person's set of 'rules' about what makes them feel safe really helps as much as we think? Is there any possibility it might even make things worse and sacrificing what we want for what someone else wants will definitely make us feel worse!

Skype your daughter - its what you want to do - you are allowed to do what you want without being held responsible for how anyone else feels or thinks.

Could you have a second iPad with no bank details etc and use it just for skyping?

Luckygirl that is outrageous. You don't need a computer to skype so get your own
IPad or tablet. I even skype with my daughter on the phone. Don't Let him control you.

Why is he keen to keep you off the Pc? Skype - not heard of issues regarding impregnating pcs. Yes perhaps have glitches in the system when it was first set up but that would be in its own system. S Kyle has and is used successfully all over the world. What's wrong with you getting your own laptop and adding Skype to that.

Sorry if I'm intruding in the conversation Luckygirl! Could your daughter have a word with hubby and reassure him ? I find that my other half takes advice quite readily from our kids when it comes to "technical"stuff.
Please don't worry about having a hip replacement - mine has given me a new,pain free lease of life.

Good luck!

My ex was/is just the same but it would escalate into a huge row at times. Draining, stressful, bad for both of your health. That's why he's now my ex and funnily enough we get on great now!

Mmmmm. Personally I would not allow my OH to tell me what I can or cannot do! I have had a problem with Facebook and malwear which took ages for my 'Administrator' (my son) to find and get rid of, but I have NEVER, EVER had a problem with Skype and I have been on it for about 10 years now. I shouldn't worry too much about it. I can understand how your OH feels if he is the one who has to get rid of any bugs, but I don't think they could come from Skype.

Buy your own cheap tablet, Luckygirl, install Superantispyware (free edition) on it (and a private password) and you're good to go. You can Skype in the loo with the door locked if necessary!! I won't share my laptop with anyone! Say it's for the protection of the main pc, or something like that!! Onwards & upwards. (smile)

Hooray for living alone! It's a shame if his medical condition is making him worse. I've found that getting older makes you speak your mind and I would tell him to SID OFF - yes of course I mean SID!

Did you know that you can get something called adwcleaner on the internet (free) that will look for and delete malwear? Also you can get several virus checker packages that will keep you safe too. They are not the same, they are for different things. We have AVG. Very good so far.

Just thought I would try and put your OH's mind at rest.

Luckygirl.
In what way is he stopping you. Intimidation? then this is
serious.
If it is a shared computer then buy your own.

Ignore him. Got to the public library and do it from there.
He will be none the wiser and any bugs are the library's problem.
For me I use Messenger via my iPad mini. I share photos and can communicate with my gran children in real time in complete privacy. No bugs on iPad.
You can also face time for free on iPad.
It's brilliant easy to use and definitely uncomplicated.