Presents for grandchildren rejected

I think the parents were right to be annoyed. 8 presents are too many. My DDs don't like masses of present either and for the first five years I just put money into their accounts. they believed in Father Xmas then.

The parents want to give presents and want to see their presents valued and appreciated by their children. Not burried under a pile from the grandparents.

I think you increase the happiness of children if they remain unspoilt materialistically.

I thought my daughter was blunt until I read what the OP's son said! Seems very harsh to criticise a mum for being kind and generous. He needs to be calmly told that you don't appreciate being spoken to like that.
This being my first Christmas as a granny, I didn't know what best to do. It's such a long time since I bought anything for a baby and times have certainly changed since I was a new mum. I asked DD what presents I should get DGS and it turned out I would have got it wrong if I'd gone with my own instinct. I stuck to what she said. 3 modestly priced wrapped up gifts and a small sum of money for them to spend on him themselves.
Ok, it's a practical not emotional solution, but as others have said, children have so much these days. Frankly, I'm glad I didn't waste my hard earned cash on things he/they didn't need or want.
I'm sorry you were upset Happygran, you meant well and I don't think you deserve to be blamed for ruining anyone's Christmas. We live and learn.

Thank you PensionPat! No, sorry, never even visited Wales :-(

Coming late to this discussion, dear Happygran you were just being a normal grandparent, wanting to buy things for your grandchildren. The fault lies with the two parents who should have been considerate and polite enough to say nothing to spoil your pleasure at giving! If they choose to put away some of those presents until later in the year, that is their choice. If they feel so strongly on this topic then well before next Xmas they could have had a word with you to discuss presents for their children. I am appalled by their unkind behaviour.

We are hearing this filtered through a gran outraged that her son's family don't share her views. Its quite possible that he tied himself in knots trying to be tactful but was read by the OP as saying that she'd ruined Christmas.
She wants everyone to agree that she was right to give so many gifts. Unfortunately we don't all agree. That's life.

Jane10, that thought had crossed my mind too...

Whilst this exact situation has not happened to me, I can see similarities in the way you've been treated and how my only DIL has caused my son to behave towards me sometimes over what seem to be minor 'offences'. It seems ok to be rude and critical of your mil nowadays. That respect our generation showed to our mils has definitely been replaced with a know it all attitude and lack of old fashioned manners. I don't like it. I do think 8 presents is quite a lot though but don't think the parents have behaved properly over this. If you can afford it, surely it's up to how you spend your money. I bet they won't react like this if/when you want to pay 80% of their university fees. hope it sorts itself out, don't cry.

you make some good points MargaretX

Well of course there is always two sides to a story... but really 8 presents is spoiling a child isn't that what grandparents do.Well good job there not in our family cos 8 presents is just what santa brings. Think your son and others on here need to loosen up and let go far to much control..... it's christmassssss for Christ sake.

Jane. I have read every single comment/response from Happy.. Where is the outrage? Where is the evidence that she wants everyone to agree with her?? There is none. Quite the opposite in fact. You really are a very unreasonable woman.

Absolutely MargaretX.
I have 2 sets of Grandchildren. One gets every wish met before he even has time to wish it. But he dotes on my dog who gives him simple happy friendship and nothing else.
The others have a stay at home mum, charity shop toys and clothes and wonder in their lives.
I know which is the richer.

Hi Happygran, having read everyone's comments, can I make a suggestion that you stipulate that certain of the presents could be kept at yours for when they visit? Assuming they are suitable presents to leave! Just a thought which might help.
Alternatively you could do what I do! I told my Grandchildren that I am putting a set amount in a bank account to save for them which will be there for them when they are older or in need of something. It works well for me.

Damned if you do and damned if you don't! Wish my kids could even get to see their Grand parents or family for that matter .. we live a hemisphere away from them .. sending you hugs .. it won't help a bit but hope it makes you smile kids are our greatest pleasure and greatest heartache too .. just be you, the weans I'm sure love you to bits!

Foxie you are rather rude and I for one pity your grandchildren!

It's just plain rude and if they didn't want them to have so many, they should have restricted them for a later time, as my parents always did.
Quite frankly no ones obliged to give presents & therefore people should be polite and grateful for any gift they receive. I hate it when people complain.Surely no one buys gifts to make the receiver unhappy, they just wouldn't do it in the first place.

I always give DGS a stocking, this started when we didn't see my DD & family on Christmas Day. Now I live near enough & stocking is part of Christmas Presents, filled with chocolates (£1 bags of coins, footballs etc), 2 magnets, small rubber & other £1 bits. Chocolate goes into a treat box not all consumed on Christmas Day

I also bought 5 other presents costing between £2 & £12 (I always consult with DD)

Happy I think your DS was out of order saying you ruined Christmas - could have been better put if he felt you had gone overboard. As for children not having to say please & thank you - well I won't express my feelings here - but not the way my DGS has been brought up

Why not just give the children of your eldest son and DiL the equivalent amount of money for each child that you spend on your other grandchildren. The parents can then let them spend it appropriately on toys or books or bank it for them for future use. I am quite generous with my grandchildren but I do always consult their parents first and I certainly wouldn't give them 8 gifts each....... usually a main present and a new book. Christmas is far too materialistic particularly in the UK and US and I think our grandchildren should be encouraged to think about the children whose lives are a lot less fortunate than theirs.

Well said Legs ?

I always ask as so many people buy for my grandchildren. I ask what parents would like and stick to list. I say what I would like to gift and happily change if this is being gifted by another.
I give a wee parcel of 'stocking' type things. Just things like a nice notebook , pens and the like.
It just makes life easier for everyone to consult.
I feel the son sounds quite ungrateful and insensitive. If he had a number of presents in mind he could have done the adult thing and discussed it with his Mum. My advice would be ignore his rudeness and next year get a list from them.

That is rude Karen1959

Jane10 is merely pointing out that there are always two sides to every story and that many of us think that 8 gifts is too many.

It would be better to buy one gift as suggested and put some money in an account for their future - if that is what the parents want her to do - and as Janeworth suggests.

I think the son handled it badly, though, he could have had a quiet word and said 'very kind, mum, but just ONE present in future please' and put some things away for future use.

How ungrateful of your son to react like that. I'm guessing the grandchildren are quite young by the kind of presents you mention. Wait until they are teenagers and they're asking for Xboxes, laptops etc. Your son and Dil will be only too glad for a contribution towards those. Meanwhile, ignore them next year, spend your money on yourself, go on a cruise or buy some donkeys a few bales of hay!

foxie I think your post is rude & uncalled for. I am not wealthy but 8 presents for my DGS is not excessive as many of those are "Stocking presents costing £1 each). Main presents were 2 books, at 6 he loves football & reading, Frankie's Magic Football series, Jigsaw map of UK showing all League grounds & PS3 game (which was only £11), I don't think that is OTT.

IMHO son is rude - he could have put it better, my DD would not dare to take me to task like that

I labour through a difficult relationship with DS2 and I have to remember that the only payback we have on adult children is that one day , God willing, they will have adult children too.
It is very true that the ones you love most ( our children) are the ones that make us cry the most.
Keep doing what you are doing and don't try to second guess them because sometimes you cannot do right for doing wrong.
Big hugs to you Happygran xx

Happygran1964

It would upset me greatly if my son said to me 'I had ruined his christmas' These DILs can be a nightmare, the more women you talk to the more you realise 'its not just you' Chin up, your not on your own. Concentrate on yourself and spend the inheritance!! I am haha x

Jamila. I have absolutely no problem with comments regarding number of presents given, respecting parents wishes and so forth... My comment simply referred to Jane10's inflammatory comments accusing Happy of being 'outraged' and expecting everyone to agree with her.. Not true and unreasonable. Please read my comment again.