Presents for grandchildren rejected

And please don't distort my words in future.. THAT is rude and intimidating... For Jamila.

If I were you, I wouldn't bother at all with the adults.
Ungrateful lot.
Just send some money for gkids presents.

Personally, I would be very upset with their behaviour.

No karen I distorted nothing at all. you really are a very unreasonable woman is rude and personal.

It could have been reported but I don't report personally rude posts - better to let them stay for all to see.

intimidating lol

Are you related to the OP, Karen1959? Or perhaps her Best Friend?

You do seem to have kept popping up to defend her on a regular basis throughout this (rather long) thread...

Goodness me there are some Grumpy Grannies on this thread.
Season of goodwill and peace to all mankind anyone??

Ana.. Is that comment not rude? Is it one rule for some but not for others?

Please feel free to report me. I'm a relatively new member and this is the first thread that I've posted on.. But I will continue to post. Until Gransnet decide to ban me (which I'm sure they won't) Or kinder, more reasonable members agree with you.. If they read my posts I don't think they will.

As a new member may I ask a question? If I type the word type bullies, but then cross it out, does it count??

I tend to try and ascertain what my daughter would like for the children for Christmas and I try to stick to her parameters. I'm not sure about other relatives. However, I would be very disappointed to find out that my daughter had upset someone (mother in law or others) who had taken the time to think about her children, by reacting in an unkind way.

Good going Karen1959 that's Jamila, Jane10 and Ana dealt with.
Who's next?
Me please!! .

No reply to my perfectly reasonable question, I notice...

I very much agree with f77ms. I think they could have a rude awakening when they become young teenagers. I also had close contact with someone who treated the kids like that with a very strict discipline. As soon as they were old enough they were gone couldn't wait to leave home. I agree it will backfire on them.
Oh well they will live n learn. I would just send your son some money next year for him to do whatever with.

Really sad, Happygran1964, that your son chose to phone you so soon after Christmas....bah humbug he is! Not very diplomatic is he? I suggest that next year you ask him for his view on what you should do and abide by him about September time. As someone else says, the children will have their own opionions as they get older and will notice these things. Happy New Year!

No Ana. I am not related or the friend of Happygran.. Does that answer your 'perfectly reasonable' question?

Yes, thank you, of course it does.

When people here suggest giving money or putting money into an account, it overlooks the genuine pleasure many of us GPs get shopping for presents for DGC. I love having a reason to go into the children's wear sections or toy shops and choosing things, I'd be upset if my DD tried to stop me giving actual presents. Maybe Happygran feels the same and the comments from her son have affected one of her pleasures in life. Surely there's a compromise somewhere?

grannieannie Sorry, MN is mumsnet, website like this one but for the younger generation. Have a look, very sweary and in my opinion, quite angry too.

NC is no contact (usually between children and grandparents). Quickly said on MN depending how bad a GP (grandparent) has behaved from buying chocolate for said cherubs to serious problems but which could probably be talked out. But they just decide to go NC instead. Very sad. Maybe it's a pack mentality and sheep can't think for themselves?

If you know the way your DS is bringing up the children than surely you would have realised that he would not be happy with 8 presents each. Perhaps he thinks you are deliberately trying to undermine him and he has reacted badly because of this. Maybe you need to be more supportive and reassuring. You may get a great deal of pleasure buying for your GCs and you may just want to make them all the same but it would be awful if your DS decided you were a bad influence and stopped you giving anything. iI they want to approve presents they have a perfect right to do so, they are the parents.

Oh dear - what an interesting range of opinions! Several posters have reminded us that many parents and grandparents have different opinions and parenting styles. so, surely the important thing here is to keep the lines of communication open and relationships in tact. Personally I do consult over birthday and Xmas presents because my work takes me to different countries, sometimes for two years at a time, and therefore am not always aware of what is currently "trending", needed or wanted, despite Skype. Because my own mother didn't respect my parenting style, as a vegetarian, I made a decision to respect my dils & ds parenting styles. Despite finding one of my dils difficult at times (she has suffered from depression since birth of first child) this seems to work. It doesn't really conflict with my desire to express my love for my dgc.

My heart goes out to you happygran, but try not to lose perspective (even if you feel others do) and carry on loving them all.

Crikey Daphne, I wouldn't dare ? I'm new to this and seem to have already upset a little clique.. Oh Dear, I don't know how to cross that out so am surely done for now?

Seriously though, I'm not looking for confrontation. I embrace people having different opinions and having the freedom to express them.. But opinions can be expressed kindly and not in an uppity way.. Take a look at the first few pages on this thread and you'll get my drift (smiley Santa)

I would not rush into assuming the existence of cliques just because some people agree on this topic. From experience members can agree on one thread and disagree equally vociferously on another.
There will be (not saying this is you) accusations of cliques and bullying when some people find the majority disagree with them, but as long as it is the argument or opinion that is being criticised, not the person, good temper and equanimity can be restored perfectly easily.
You say you are newish Karen1959, have you read through (m) any other threads?

Karen1959 - just to say don't be intimidated by those who were trying to be argumentative in response to your totally reasonable comments.

I've noticed a couple of their names on here before and it seems they enjoy being nasty, sarcastic etc.

This is an open forum. I really enjoy reading other people's 'takes' on different subjects but think those 3 could try the following ???

Thanks Daphne for that kind, considered advice. I have read through a few threads and will take a look at some others. I still maintain that there is no need for people to be uppity, especially when dealing with somebody who may be feeling very upset (The OP?) Nevertheless, I will tread a little more carefully in future.

Thanks again

Karen

A bit biased Teddy123? I too have recognised some names and know them to be level headed, sensible and even handed posters.
That doesn't sound quite like what you said, but the words intimidated, sarcastic and nasty ( shades of Donald Trump! ) are surely unnecessary an over reaction?

Thanks Teddy... I was feeling quite disconcerted because I believe that my comments were measured and reasonable. I also felt ever so slightly ganged up on.. Promise I won't be intimidated though. Going to have a look at some other threads now ?

I really appreciated your support and hope there aren't any repercussions for you.

Karen.

I don't like multiple presents. I think one per person is better because A. the kids actually remember who gave them what. B. They actually ENJOY what they get, if it's a big pile they just get in an unwrapping frenzy and the toys just become a mass of "stuff". C. nobody is overshadowed, i.e. if aunty X gave 1 and aunty Y gave 10 then aunty Xs stuff gets drowned out. D. its just wasteful, beyond a certain number of presents the children don't enjoy themselves any more.

I wouldn't like my kids to get 8 presents from one person, imagine if all extended family did that? it'ld get riduculous and half of it would end up un-used and in a charity shop by March!

I would however thank you, and get the kids to thank you, but I'ld have a rant to DH about it out of the kids earshot and maybe drop hints about quality not quantity next year.