Split

Sorry, but this is one of those pointless threads where the OP is determined to go her own way and does not really want advice, even from those who have been in this situation.

kittylester, I understand your question about why anyone wouldn't be on the side of their own child. It's worth wondering though, how you would feel if the adult child had behaved abusively towards their partner/children, or been abusing substances and totally unreliable to their partnered children. I'm not suggesting that's the case here, which sounds a bit more like a battle for control between mum and adult daughter.

x posted there Anya

I have never been in this situation but isn't it best not to take sides. It is really sad when parents of young children split up but all parties need help and support.

On the fact of it, I do feel extremely sorry for the SIL in this case, who seems to have no other family support, and I can understand the OP wanting to maintain contact. But I would strongly advise going along with your daughter's wishes and just hoping that when the dust settles she will think differently and want an amicable relationship with him that you can be a part of. You mustn't risk your contact with your DD and DGC on a point of principle.

I agree Anya.

Iam, I would still support my child as they obviously would need it. Strange question in this context.

I can't imagine not supporting my kids whatever they were like and this poster sounds like she has produced a carbon copy of herself

I wasn't suggesting we wouldn't support our own children whatever their circumstances. I was wondering aloud whether we would 'take their side' against a partner who we'd formed a loving relationship with and could see wasn't always treated well by our own child. Remaining neutral where possible is the preferred option of course but if one of our adult children was trying to cut the other partner (often the father) out of the lives of their children in the absence of say, domestic abuse, could we all support that course action.
Keeping out of it might become more difficult in the face of very distressed children asking why they can't see daddy.

My post was for the original poster Iam64

I'm not so sure about a loving relationship, Iam. The OP remains 'fond' of her SiL but at times he has behaved dreadfully.

Sounds like six of one and half a dozen of the other.

The children apparently already have mixed up lives. They MUST be the priority.

Ok I'll leave it folks, I was thinking aloud which is almost always a Bad Idea.
merlot - absolutely agree the children must be the priority.