Gransnet Xmas Panto.

By the way, Wobblybits, Mrs Honeyman from Camberwick Green says that Windy Miller was the tester for all things blowy.

OK I'll be the Dame but I want everything, the huge frock, the massive bonnet, loads of slap, funny shoes and pantaloons and a plentiful supply of smutty jokes.

Frilly red pantaloons, blow up boobs, Pink wellies, hat with loads of fruit, that sort of thing ??

Ok who, want so be Windy miller, with the charcoal knickers ?

I can't believe how well this is all coming along. After first showing I really am starting to think we will be transferred to the West End. Fame and Fortune for us all ?

Falconbird I really do not think that us lot "do" smutty jokes. We are far more "refained" than that. annsixty I had not thought of the West End but for our talents the sky really is the limit.

Wow, Principal Boy in the West End - my name in lights - I can't wait. I must practice my part, now where did I put my old suede, ankle boots?

Maybe I should buy a suede brush to spruce them up a bit? I know I slap my thighs but I can't remember what I say?? Help, what are my lines!! What is my motivation!!

Don't forget I am the Leading Lady- Florence Foster Jenkins is my stage name - please make sure its in lights. I shall be giving a selection from my oevre throughout the performance whether scripted or not. (She flounced off)

Now that's a role for someone, motivational coach, we have so many GNers who like to tell others how to think and what to do we won't be short of takers?

OK - I looked up smutty and it has a wide variety of meanings one of which is "naughty" which is what I meant

Here are two Dame Jokes I found on line.

I've been married 16 times, 4 richer, 4 poorer, 4 better, 4 worse.

Eggs are going up again.
That will surprise a few chicken.

I would like to apply for the role of one of the ugly sisters, please. I am highly qualified and very experienced.

Peter's Nan?

Robinson Clueless and Gran Friday?

Dick Whittington and His Gran?

Menopuss in Boots?

I am honoured to be, hopefully, working alongside that doyen (don't know what it means but sounds good) of stage and screen Florence Foster Jenkins.

Actually I have never heard of you but you sound very grand and famous.

Can you remind me of some of you works??

Love "Robinson Clueless and Gran Friday"

I know you will all be surprised, but I love a bit of naughty smut and double entendre.

Well I for one would never have guessed.

Nor me anne60. wobblybits with a name like yours, who would've thought it?

PS Falconbird will be a great dame. I love the jokes but wobbly, falconbird did not mention the need for blow up boobs, perhaps they are not required!

I could be the ugly duckling. I have an interesting waddle when I walk. Can my part be written in too please?

I was thinking of a recent sketch in Mrs Browns Boys involving blow up boobs, much funnier than the real thing, not that I'm suggesting anyone's boobs are funny.

Smut alert!!!!*****You'll love the line from Dick Whittington then wobblybits. Delivered by by Alice Fitzwarren......'oh, will I never see my Dick again?'

Smutty lines? Here am I, a convent educated girl. (Alright it was 100 years ago.) Still the bonus being is that I would not understand any of them.

Katek - that joke is soooo Pantomime.

I will wear anything as the Dame but I draw the line at blow up boobs.

But the dame is normally a man, so blow up boobs are mandatory. By blow up, I don't mean exploding !

You just need a large size bra and some wadding-saves any explosions under hot stage lights!

I would like to be the juvenile lead as I can do "mutton dressed up as lamb" really well. In fact I frequently do. I know it's not a panto but the song "the hills are alive with the sound of music" will not go away so I must have a song to shriek at the panto.

But in this case wobbly the dame is a real woman so blow up boobs not needed (unless Falconbird wants to do an explosive performance!)

What part(s) are you auditioning for wobbly?

Oh no, I'd forgotten that the Dame is always a man. Can't do it then, I'll have to think of another role.