Happy Hour

Hehee.....but don't let granjura see that one.

I am one of the many that can't think of a joke to post. I love hearing a good one, but can never remember one? but have so enjoyed the ones on here. Roses, you have a good stock, and a jolly good memory. ?. Rather a lot of 'one's '. Maybe one should try and concentrate more. ?

In that case Auntyflo I shall continue unabated.

How do you tell crocodiles and alligators apart?
one will see you in a while, and the other will see you later.?

Ironically, all the books on haemorrhoids in the library are stacked in piles!

Groan!

Might have posted this before, but just a quickie. Out with our group of folk with learning difficulties, one lad whose siblings getting married/having families, interested in those things, chatting to one of our young helpers over a glass of beer "How long does it take to have a baby then?" - young helper "Oh! about 9 months" reply- "I can't stay in bed all that time"!

What's the difference between a buffalo and a bison?

You can wash your hands in a bison (needs a SE accent!)

My Dad used to say, during the war, that the only bomb you had to worry about was the one with your name written on it.....this used to really upset our neighbours , Mr and Mrs Doodlebug.

Anyone with a nervous disposition....look away now!

Have some breakfast
Sleep until lunch time
Have some lunch
Sleep until dinner time
Have some dinner
Have a wash and brush up
Spend a few hours cuddling on the sofa with her, and maybe watch television
When it's late, and dark, go out shagging and killing,
Come home for breakfast
( It's a busy life for a cat!)

Today I got one of those handy little safety devices designed with the older driver in mind......a bus pass.

Keep them coming, they raise some much needed smiles especially on a dreary day like today. Sorry, not very good at remembering jokes either.

I can only remember a few, and I think I have already posted them (quite a while ago) There is "The Faux Pas" which went down well at the time, but is rather long.

I've been trying to remember some jokes and realised it's a long time since I've heard any, so big thanks for every one here.

Where do bees got to the toilet? At a BP station of course!

Oh, I can hear you all groaning!! That was courtesy of an 8-year old

Did you hear about the race between a lettuce and a tomato? The lettuce was a head and the tomato was trying to ketchup

Well I certainly seem to have brought that one to an end with my corny attempts at jokes However I'm not taking umbrage or sulking, nor will you get rid of me that easily

In fact, I may have to start a groany joke thread soon as I've asked a couple of friends for any jokes they can remember

What do you call a man with a shovel on his head? Doug ...

What do you call a man with a biscuit on his head? Lionel Ritch Tea. Sorry

What do you call a man with a lot of rabbits on his head?
Warren?

What do you call a woman with an arctic fox fur hat pulled down over her ears?

Call her anything you like, she can't hear you.

What is difference between a randy Eskimo pygmy and a giant Nubian eunuch slave?

One is a frigid midget with a rigid digit, the other is a massive vassal with a passive tassell.

Sorry, lowering the tone.

Elegran LMFAO

Why did Miss Tomato blush? Because she saw Mr. Green pea!

Another picture one.

On an old thread for 'jokes' I put this so apologise for repeating myself but it makes me smile.

A duck waddles into a pub, approaches the bar and says to the barman 'Got any bread?' The barman replies 'I'm sorry sir, we haven't'. The duck says 'Got any bread?' The barman says 'no sir, I've just told you we haven't. The duck says 'got any bread?' The barman says 'Look I've just told you we've got no bread and if you ask again, I'm going to nail your beak to the bar'. The duck says 'Got any nails?' The barman repl;ies 'no'. The duck says 'Got any bread?'

OK, no-one has asked for "The Faux Pas", so by popular demand (me) here it is.

The new footman was very conscious of his lack of education and spohistication and anxious to inprove himself, so the butler told him that whenever he heard a word he didn't understand, to ask and he would explain it.

After a week or two, the footman asked, "What is a faux pas, please? I keep hearing of it wherever I go."

"Well, James, do you remember last Sunday after church, when the vicar came to luncheon? It is common knowledge in the servants' hall, of course, that the Family are hoping for an engagement betwen the vicar and Miss Felicity. You may remember that she took him off to admire the rose garden, where he gallantly picked a rose for her. Unfortunately, it was from a bush with particularly vicious thorns, and he gashed his hand rather badly. She had to take him into the house and spend some time administering first aid.

Then, at lunch, as you were carrying in a tray of hors d'oevres on Madame's best china, she noticed his poor bandaged hand again and asked solicitously, "Oh vicar, is your prick still throbbing?" At which, you, James, dropped the tray and exclaimed "Jesus H Christ!" That was a faux pas, James, that was a faux pas."

LOL!!!