I was just horrified

In Laos it is the done thing to give money. There is a special box, all decorated with flowers where you post your invitation back with a sun
M of money. The going rate is $5 per family but only if you can afford it. The money usually goes towards building their first house. Been to a few.

And how odd to send out a 'thank you' letter before the wedding

I wonder if somebody else is dealing with the presents and sending these letters out?

I did hear of one wedding where someone ran off with the decorated post box. That"ll learn'em

Incredibly rude. What sort of person would even think of doing such a thing! My daughters have both recently married and asked for nothing.

I also object to being asked for money. But I would happily give a cheque or gift vouchers rather than a random gift.
Last year we went to a nephew's wedding, out DSs and families were not invited. We were asked for money to pay for the Honeymoon, already booked, to the Caribbean. ( I suspect we were invited as a good financial bet! )
We gave a considerable amount, as DH has a small family and we considered the gift to cover our (not invited ) off springs as well.
As a thank you note we received a photo of the couple ( ok ) and a gushing poem from the Internet which did not reflect the day we had had! ( I won't go into it here! ) I did expect a personally written thank you.
It has thoroughly put me off weddings!

One couple asked for Euros, to go towards their honeymoon . Some have asked for vouchers, some have said no gifts please but a donation to their favourite charity , one asked for a donation towards their garden as plants or garden vouchers. I definitely would have stopped the cheque, what happened to the wedding list ?

Good grief! But I love Gransnet forums, even though I'm nearly 67 I'm learning that I can still be shocked by people's appalling manners (or lack of!)

Like others, I love Maggiemaybe's suggested reply letter. Wonderful!

I'm not often lost for words but this really does leave me speechless. Surely the amount of money wasted on a fancy wedding is solely down to the couple themselves.

I'm gobsmacked. Modern, greedy, show-off weddings have sunk even further in my estimation. I avoid them if at all possible.

My DD & SIL asked for travel vouchers to enable them to have a honeymoon, which seemed to work very well. They wouldn't have dreamed of asking people to "upgrade"!

This seems to be nasty side of UK behaviour that I have missed as I live abroad. I wouldn't have gone to the wedding in this case.

Did they have wedding manager to do all that for them. That would explain such outrageous behviour.

DH's nephew sent an invitation and asked for money to pay for the honeymoon, we declined the invitation and did not send a gift, way too grasping I am not going to contribute to a holiday for them and their children in the Caribbean.

Cash or vouchers as gifts does make sense rather than wasting your money on duplcate toasters and such, but that has nothing to do with the atrocious rudeness of asking for an upgraded amount. Rather like a vulgar (ex) friend of mine, showing off her flashy engagement ring and saying she had chose that style as it would be easier to sell......

Gill that is truly appalling and to my mind unfeeling. I was, and still am, so proud of the ring my husband bought me and remember being so excited as we chose it together. Attitudes are different nowadays mainly, I think, because many couples live together so already gave everything. MargaretX I would hardly call it UK "behaviour* even though it is apparently becoming a more common practice to ask for money. The last time I attended a wedding I was asked to contribute to a dinner service at a certain shop. I didn't mind thst, as they lived together too. The charity donation sounds good and I plan that idea for my funeral instead of flowers.

Have, not gave

There was a story almost exactly the same as this in the newspapers a few months ago.

I think it's OK to ask for money, even if it's a contribution towards a honeymoon. It's not really any different from directing people towards a wedding gift list. However, I think people should be grateful for whatever they get - even if it is a modest sum/gift.

I had the same from a friend for her 50th birthday. She wanted money too, so she could take a helicopter flight over the Grand Canyon! I can't afford to go to the cinema, let alone the Grand Canyon! If you are going to throw a "do" then you should do it out of the kindness of your heart and be with people who mean something to you, not for what you can get back, either presents or money.

We did get presents when we got married, no lists or anything. It was a surprise when we opened them and it gave me something to do the morning after the wedding!

If we couldn't afford to throw a party/host a wedding, we just wouldn't do it. The concept of people offsetting the day by the size of the gift is alien to me.

At a friends daughters wedding money was asked for as they had been together for some years and it was to go towards their honeymoon. I know others and I all sent differing amounts depending on what we could afford. These were placed at a box at the reception. We received a lovely handwritten card saying where they had been and what they had done and seen. That is how I feel it should be done.
However I would rather receive gifts and have a quieter wedding using the money towards a home. Things have changed so much.

This to me is like someone at work who asked for gifts of money to help get them to China so they could do a charity walk along the great wall.

I had a work colleague ask for money for her honeymoon ...I hate this trend I didn't go to the wedding (not because of the request I might add) and didn't send anything
A year later she is waiting for her divorce to come through
We have become such a greedy materialistic society

What horrifies me is the statement :-

"This seems to be nasty side of UK behaviour that I have missed as I live abroad"

How can the whole of the UK population be tarred with this brush.

I have never come across anyone asking for a larger contribution and I in no doubt that is a very rare and rude occurrence.

I used to think asking for contributions to your honeymoon was a bit entitled but tbh so many couples marry later, live together ,buy a house together and are 'set up'with household goods these days .So I comply. It's no different from sending acheque really.
I married at 32 and we had most things as we'd both had our own homes .I resorted to a 'thank you but we don't need' list.Most people gave us money.
I am intrigued that people can afford these exotic honeymoons though. We, and all our friends , had a few days in the UK (if we were lucky)
And to ask for more is beyond belief and yes I would cancel the cheque

Absolutely cancel the cheque! And explain why, possibly using Maggiemay's wonderful letter suggestion. That is truly shocking unacceptable behaviour! Some people, particularly bridzillas, seem to lose all sense of proportion about weddings these days!