In pursuit of that elusive thing ...happiness !

I woke in the middle of the night worrying about my daughter and husband and posted on the 'unhappy' and 'escapist' thread. In the light of day, however, I have come to my senses and realsie that I am contented and happy overall.

There are different types and levels of happiness from joy and ecstasy to contentment and calm enjoyment. A lot depends on expectations too and often those who think constant happiness is possible are disappointed when life sends knockbacks.

I agree with those who link a degree of contentment to health rather than to wealth and those who recommend the pleasures to be found in nature and in the small satisfactions of a busy and well spent life. I also observe that levels of happiness are often linked to people's personalities. Some are naturally ebullient and some prone to Eyore-ish tendencies. I remember when my MIL died, at her funeral I regretted that she was not more happy and someone pointed out how much she enjoyed being a bit of a 'miserabalist' which, when I thought about it, was true.

A survey of the UK's happiness factor taken over several years and ranging from recessions to boom-times found, hilariously, that external circumstances made no difference at all, that the British are happy on a scale of seven and a half out of ten year in, year out. That's to say, we are all content really.

I also think if you're feeling down, just watch an episode of Victor Meldrew's "One Foot in the Grave" - never fails to amuse me!!

Laughter is the best medicine ffor unhappiness with your situation . Phone a friend and have a laugh!!

Happiness is not having what you want but wanting what you have.

I wonder what responses would have been posted by a younger generation? All of the posts are from those who have had varied experiences throughout life and are able to reflect and analyse "happiness" I agree that nature / nurture has a great influence and in my younger days the pursuit of so-thought happiness was in career goals and materialistic pleasures. As the years passed I have mellowed and realised that , as many of you point out, happiness is not a state if permanence and being comfortable with yourself is the key.
Accept that some periods of life will be less pleasant than others and try to act positively in such times to ameliorate the stress - and learn to feel less guilty about saying "no" to people who cause upsets, as others of you have remarked, unhappiness is often caused by those around you.
Cherish the good moments and as Judthepud2 said, simple moments of being with nature and animals can help to re-gain a positive aura.
We are coping with the recent, unexpected death of our 40 year old son but driving through the French countryside through the fields of vines and sunflowers to sit in our peaceful garden (greeted by our much-loved cat) gave us both a sense of calm and reassurance that life goes on - it will never be the same but who knows what joys there may be to come?

Whether your glass is half full or half empty, don't forget it can always be refilled.

I think the op thread had the answer to her own question.Happiness is only ever in a moment.For me it has been.General contentment however can be sumed up by accepting ones self and other people, not being bitter.My sister contracted cancer from being bitter and died at 55 .Even though i have very little and a latiany of bad health i am grateful for all i do have.

Ha ha ruby lady your post was inspiring and funny .Ive been ill for 20 years and in psin every day.But life is a gift and weight as well find pleasure in the smallest of things than be misersble

To me contentment would perhaps be what I feel I am a person who takes each day as it comes, happiness well wish that for my family but having had a trauma in my family ithen I don't feel happiness really.

Your mind and thoughts can be your worst ememy .If the mind was a garden , what would you choose to grow flowers or weeds.

Dharma cat so sorry for the loss of your son

helmsley I agree absolutely with that. I wish I had the sort of mind that was free of guilt, of worry, of feeling so bloody responsible for others and having to do the right thing all the time.

I admire my friend, who has her own difficulties, but is constantly optimistic, energetic and looking forward.

I have another friend, who's broke, on benefits, with two young teenage daughters, domestic violence in the background, with few prospects but she seems way happier than many people I know (myself included).

I envy her too, in a way.

'Happiness' is enjoying good mental health, whilst not having any major regrets or traumatic events going on around you.
There's a definition for good mental health that goes quite a long way towards describing the state of mind that will make you feel 'happy' a good deal of the time:

The following attributes have been found to be important for good mental health
•Positive emotions: all things considered, how happy do I feel?
•Engagement: taking an interest in your work and activities
•Relationships: having people in your life that you care for and who care about you
•Meaning and purpose: feeling that what you do in life is valuable and worthwhile
•Accomplishment: feeling that what you do gives you a sense of accomplishment and makes you feel competent
•Emotional stability: feeling calm and peaceful
•Optimism: feeling positive about your life and your future
•Resilience: being able to bounce back in the face of adversity
•Self-esteem: feeling positive about yourself
•Vitality: feeling energetic

phantom I think I've failed that test.

Thank you Helmsley444 - difficult times but when the raw anguish has faded a little (will never go away) we hope there will be moments of joy to come.

Happiness itself does not have a meaning. It is however something you find within yourself that you cannot expect someone else to provide. No-one can make you happy. It is a choice on how to view your life, other folk, and the world. It is being able to see the beauty in everything you see and do, and also being thankful for every good thing, opportunity, person etc etc that you have in your life.

Lasting happiness is not based on any external experience ...it feels like a continues bubbling spring deep inside that is not dependent on anything.

It's like love...it just is.

I think I feel really happy when I feel love inside me spreading out to others maybe.
I love to help others like most other people...it makes us happy to know we are helping each other I think, maybe?

One way to look at happiness is to acknowledge what it isn't. Describing what isn't brings a lot of negative statements. Once we can turn a lot of those impressions into a positive statement we can begin to see what happiness brings to the table.

I've come to the conclusion that happiness is too elusive and fleeting to pursue as the norm. I'm hoping to achieve a general feeling of contentment with a few outbursts of happiness and a very occasional bout of sadness.

The burst of happiness others are describing I think I call JOY, happiness for me is being aware of my contentment and wallowing in it(I am sorry that sounds very self satisfied). I have been through the need to escape and did so - frightening times but I am through it now hence my happiness

BlueBelle re your post early today. I know how difficult life can be and how it does get you down. Whilst I am a naturally optimistic person that does not mean to say life has been a bowl of cherries. I have had my share of tough and painful situations to deal with, like many people I guess. But when faced with major life changing situations there is a choice to let it dominate your life negatively or positively. I think of Suzy Lamplugh's mother..she faced the awful situation of her daughter's disappearance/murder. I am certain she was devastated and bereft but she got to a point where she chose to use the situation positively and something good came out of the tragedy.

I totally agree penstemon and I have used everything in my life to the positive I m a fighter and have turned things around all through life just saying I m not sure I know or recognise real happiness or contentment I think for those two things you have to a) a still mind, no overthinking and analysing b) live in the moment not the past or present c) have a level of acceptance ..... I have managed number three but the other two are still evading me

Dharmacat. so sorry for your loss. None of us who have not experienced the worst possible - the loss of a child - could ever come close to imagining what it must be like. My brain won't even take me there. I know two people to whom this has happened in my immediate friendships, and I have joyfully seen them laugh and be happy again. I wish you well. This is not a race and one day you will join the mainstream of life again.

I no its not the same Darmacat but i lost my only sister a little while ago and before that my beloved mum.I have two grown up sons ,and i couldnt bear the loss of either.Its true what they say though, they do live on, in your heart, and no one can evertake away the beautiful times you spent together. Its so hard and so sad but i wish you and your husband peace and many a new joy to come ?

Gagagran - I couldn't have put it better, fleeting moments, rushes of small happy moments. The smallest things, the simplest things but I have always thought I was a glass half full type, till I really examined my situation. Life does seem a real struggle financially and emotionally, but there is an inner drive that seems to push us on, if not for ourselves, but maybe for others. Happiness gained by seeing others happy and having a purpose in life. It reminds me of the story of Candide by Voltaire, he strives to find happiness and travels through all the lands to search for his true love, his happiness, only to discover, real happiness was to be found in his own back yard. (Roughly translated) ha!