In pursuit of that elusive thing ...happiness !

A long while ago, I met a delightful old Lady who I would describe as a Simple Lady. ( Please do not be offended by my description, please read on )
When I said this, what I was trying to portray was that this Lady was Country born and bred. Her life was not complicated by the things that Town and City dwellers experience. Her lifestyle, with her Husband was very simple and uncomplicated.
She and her Husband had no dreams of winning the Lottery. They had no dreams of 'upgrading' their lifestyle. In short, they were happy living their life simply in a cottage on a farm.
Life was hard, but they were happy in their own way. As I saw it, they were happy together.
For me, they defined happiness.
I don't know about you, whoever is reading this but:
I envy them.

getting on a bit....truly hope you find your own positive way to be free of feeling responsible for everyone & having to do the right thing...which is just like i've often felt...but a recent tough period has made me realise...we owe it to ourselves to treat ourselves with the same respect & kindness with which we treat others..as women..we seem conditioned to put our own needs & 'happiness' at the back of the queue...& in doing so...end up prone to all sorts of negativity...depression...down in the dumps momments & the like....
I've 'empowered' myself by confronting what makes me down...Enough is enough...break the cycle...NUTURE YOURSELF FOR ONCE..DO WHAT 'MAKES' YOU HAPPY.....why shouldn't we?...after all...we're always applying the same to others..it's high time we practiced what we preach..so to speak...

Don't know if anyone quoted this yet but it helps me.

"Happiness is like a butterfly: the more you chase it, the more it will elude you; but if you turn your attention to other things, it will come and sit softly on your shoulder."

Author: Henry Thorea

Just another human emotion - and no one can experience total happiness I believe you have to experience unhappiness to experience happiness - yin yan? Good or evil/ warm or cold / love or hate / generous or greedy - Yes happiness I believe is a kind of peace of mind / a contentment/ love -

does anyone ever feel like I do, guilty if you are happy, thinking you should be doing this that and the other to please others.

Perhaps happiness is just a werthers original after all

Yes Ethel it's the same feeling I get if I sit and do nothing. I always think I should be busy doing somthing. Do you think it a female trait that most of us are guilty of?

Yes, ethel I feel that guilt too!

Happiness for me is peace of mind. It means all is well.

I do not think that feeling is programmed into women. I think it is the result of childhood conditioning.

I grew up with a mother and grandmother who both lived feminism. although my mother didn't always realise it, but it was instinctive in her because of her own upbringing. The idea that a girl is only 'good' if she is subservient to others, particularly men, was completely absent from my upbringing and I am so fervently grateful for this.

Not a Werthers Original, you can't chew them like a good old toffee.

I have had awful things happen in my life. The death of my son, estrangement from my parents, a brother who is indifferent and who I see rarely, a controlling and violent husband ( now divorced and SO happy about that) and to a lesser extent being unhappy in a very stressful job. However I have done my best to see things in the "glass half full mode" and seem to have been able to manage to be resilient enough to come through it all. I do believe my faith has helped me immensely and the love of my children and wonderful best friend. I have always been outgoing and had a lot of friends. We only have one life and and we have to try and make the most of it. At present I have just retired have some long term health problems but have moved near my children and grandchildren and that is a great gift. I wish sometimes I had made better decisions sooner but you cannot change the past but the future is still here . I find this site a good place to be and am interested in how others see things. I wish you all happiness in your lives especially those who at the moment, are in a dark place.

I agree with cheerfullizzy. Although I don't often practice it! Remember the emergency drill on a plane. If the oxygen masks drop down, put your own on first so that you can then help others.

I rarely these days get that feeling of joy, of the heart being uplifted, that I would define as happiness. Too many sad things have happened and there are people I miss badly.
But I do aim at a level of feeling content, and achieve it lots of the time. It may sound trite, but I do honestly try to count my blessings.

There seems to be too much pressure to be happy these days imho.

Let's face it, many if not most of us would "fail" that happiness checklist posted upthread. Most of us have experienced loss of loved ones, illness, betrayal in personal relationships, poverty, unemployment, being taken for granted. Add into that the pressure of putting others' "happiness" before our own and it's a bloody wonder anyone feels happy at all!

I think the key to it must be personality, really. Some are just more "come day, go day" than others. I wish I had a sunnier personality. But I haven't, and along with many others struggle to offset guilt with contentment.

I am a whinge and a moaner and have a glass half empty for no good reason whatsoever. My DF died in my teens and it was like a rug pulled from under my feet. My DM just froze in time ,nothing changed and I lived at home until I married six years later. The first day going back to university after his death on the top deck of the bus there was a fantastic sunrise which made me so happy it was so glorious .- Liverpool had wonderful sunrises and sunsets in those days. I think possibly pollution. I decided that I had to see something beautiful every day. It does help and I'm sorry if it sounds a bit soppy but today I nearly did a happy dance because two goldfinches seem to be at home in my lilac tree but I had to keep quiet not to frighten them away.

TWICE AS NICE...you are to be admired!!! I for one admire you....goodness...you've been through more than most could bare..
& now look at you....fantastic! what an inspiration to us all....
Thank you for sharing this and giving us all hope that tough times can be overcome...best wishes for whatever you do!..xx

ROCKGRAN..what a beautiful way to sum things up...simply lovely!

I am a glass half full person and try to look at life in that way even when life does throw us some wobblies. I think as others have already said that the important thing is to be thankful for all the little things and if you do that habitually it changes your perspective on everything. We should not be expecting to be blown away by joy on a daily or regular basis but whenever it happens it is a real blessing to be savoured.
We need to be careful not to think that everyone else is happier than we are. When we look at others we see what they present for the world to see and so we don't see anything that is hidden within them but on the other hand we know all our own innermost thoughts and feelings. Why we persist in comparing our inner feelings to the presented facades of others really does beat me - but we do!

How can a person be happy/contented often if they are lonely? Loneliness seems to spoil everything.

At least you've still got your partner, wot, even if he isn't everything you'd wish for!

True, I would just like him to show an ounce of affection sometimes and talk to me without constantly criticising what I say. He does give me a reason to live because I need somebody to look after. (Or I would surround myself in cats and dogs!)

With cats and dogs, not in.

What about the lonely people who have absolutely no one ? Can they find contentment?

wot loneliness is clearly miserable.
If you are well have you tried joining any club or organisation or voluntary work. Hospital visiting or meals on wheels. Church is a good way to connect as is all kinds of interest groups and U3A. If you have a dog walking it can lead to making friends with other doggy people.
Sorry to hear that your OH is not all that you would wish. Have you talked to him about it and does he know how you feel?