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Help - I'm to be my daughters birthing partner !

(40 Posts)
Sarahfrost68 Fri 12-Aug-16 07:30:57

Hi, I'm new here (lol) I am to be a first time grandparent very soon (EDD 20.08.16) and my daughter has asked me to be with her at the birth - for which I was so honoured and thrilled to be included!! Throughout her pregnancy I have been very mindful not to be too interfering due to my own mother constantly trying to "take over" with my both my kids (I now no longer see my parents - long story for another day!) but I'm so worried about what to expect and do not want to "get in the way" when the time comes!! My own children were born over 20 years ago and I realise things will of changed dramatically over that many years! Does anyone have any advise on what I can expect and how things should go?! And why whenever I think about it do I get so emotional - brings tears to my eyes down just thinking about it!! I really don't know how I'll cope seeing my "baby girl" in pain or distressed!! HELP!!

Sarahfrost68 Sat 13-Aug-16 17:40:44

jinglbellsfrocks tbh that would of been my reaction to my mother being at my children's births - but different relationship and different generation! I was asked by both DD and SIL to be present to support and was so very honoured. Thank you everyone for your lovely words and encouragement - I'll keep you all posted!! 6 days till EDD so allowing for 12 days over only 18 max to go lol!!

Linsco56 Sat 13-Aug-16 17:43:24

I think it's a privilege to have been asked but if her partner will also be present at the birth then I would ask her to assign you a specific role. She may just want you to sit on the sidelines and be there for moral support or she may want you to be her main support. Better to discuss before the big event.

Hope everything goes well for her and you both enjoy the experience. Exciting times! smile

grannyqueenie Sat 13-Aug-16 17:50:56

No matter how old they are they're still my "babies" and one size never fits all situations, Jbf. I wouldn't have wanted my mum there, and two of my daughter's didn't want me there either - I wasn't offended at all! But one did want me there and I wouldn't have let her down, her partner is very sqeamish and due to previous traumas struggles with medical things so they were worried about how it would be. I saw my job as enabling her partner to be as actively involved as she could manage. It was a real privilege and when I was asked 2nd time around I didn't hesitate to say yes. Hope all goes well on d day * Sarah

Witzend Sat 13-Aug-16 17:57:20

If you are happy to do it, fine. Personally I would not have wanted to at all - with her first I told dd and her dh I didn't want to know anything until it was all over.
For her 2nd I happened to be there when she went into labour and she only just made it to the hospital so that wouldn't have been too bad, but the first was much more difficult and prolonged. I would have been worried sick for hours.
I was worried enough when she left for hospital with no. 2 so thank goodness he was in a hurry and didn't keep his poor granny on tenterhooks for long.

Don't know about anybody else, but I would never have wanted my own mother with me for either of mine! Dh or nobody, and he couldn't be there for no. 1 since he was about 3000 miles away, so I had nobody, but frankly it didn't bother me at all.

mumofmadboys Sat 13-Aug-16 17:58:01

It would be very sad if just mum giving birth with a midwife unless one knew her well. I had hubby there for them all. Five CS under epidural and one normal delivery when we knew the baby had sadly already died. I was so glad we shared these experiences.

mumofmadboys Sat 13-Aug-16 17:59:43

Sorry meant to say hope all goes smoothly Sarahfrost and you enjoy the experience. Very emotional no doubt.

jinglbellsfrocks Sat 13-Aug-16 18:02:06

Perhaps mum or sister/friend to sit at the head end, if no partner available. But nowhere near business end!

Sarahfrost68 Sat 13-Aug-16 18:08:06

Jbf I have STRICT instructions to stay head end LOL!!

jinglbellsfrocks Sat 13-Aug-16 18:08:55

Quite right too. grin

Sarahfrost68 Sat 13-Aug-16 18:09:58

?????

Penstemmon Sat 13-Aug-16 18:29:56

I rubbed her back when her partner went to get refreshments, chatted between contractions, generally tried to distract when she needed distracting and supported when she needed support, When she needed to go into the theatre for delivery (possible forcpes/venteuse) partner asked if I would go as he knew he might not be good there! I had to don scrubs and go with her..in fact it all went OK and it was fab to be first (after DD ) to hold DGD and to hand her to her daddy who was crying!!

Newquay Sun 14-Aug-16 08:49:13

I would have liked my Mum and dear sister present for the birth of our first DD but it was a different age and it didn't seem appropriate-even though it was in my own home! So they sat downstairs-I do regret them not being there but, of course, they were there straight away afterwards.
That DD who lives nearby phoned me to say their first baby was on way so I drove round (would normally walk as so close). They had sent for midwives and dear SIL was about to say shall I ring your Mum when he saw my car pull up. Lol. It was a lovely experience for us all, 4 hours from start to finish.
Her second one was a C section in hospital because baby was breech. What a palaver-think staff were frightened knowing she's a lawyersad she could have easily delivered her IMHO.
Ten years later she delivered her 10lb son at home and I was asked to be there too.
Final DGC was born during night so she just rang me next morning-she didn't want to disturb me-I think she wanted this last one on their own.
DD2 lives much further away. She didn't even tell us when she was in labour (has never liked any fuss). Apparently she told midwives she didn't want any "cheer leading thank you" and, like her sister just got on with job with her DH there.
Ooh just remembering it all makes me excited again.
Such an exciting timesmile

rosesarered Sun 14-Aug-16 08:58:05

I certainly didn't stay at the head end, and watched the baby being born.smile

goose1964 Sun 14-Aug-16 09:29:04

thought I'd already posted on this but not post showing. I have been present at my grandsons' births & it was amazing. I think a lot depends on your relationship with you daughter I'm very close to mine & we had assumed I would be with her as soon as she was pregnant. mumber 3 is on its way & although she originally only wanted her DH with her she has now started talking about me bein with her again.

as her mum you job is to keep her calm & encourage her.

I thought I wouldn't want to see the baby actually being born but I couldn't resist a peek & ended up watch both being born .