Help - I'm to be my daughters birthing partner !

thought I'd already posted on this but not post showing. I have been present at my grandsons' births & it was amazing. I think a lot depends on your relationship with you daughter I'm very close to mine & we had assumed I would be with her as soon as she was pregnant. mumber 3 is on its way & although she originally only wanted her DH with her she has now started talking about me bein with her again.

as her mum you job is to keep her calm & encourage her.

I thought I wouldn't want to see the baby actually being born but I couldn't resist a peek & ended up watch both being born .

I certainly didn't stay at the head end, and watched the baby being born.

I would have liked my Mum and dear sister present for the birth of our first DD but it was a different age and it didn't seem appropriate-even though it was in my own home! So they sat downstairs-I do regret them not being there but, of course, they were there straight away afterwards.
That DD who lives nearby phoned me to say their first baby was on way so I drove round (would normally walk as so close). They had sent for midwives and dear SIL was about to say shall I ring your Mum when he saw my car pull up. Lol. It was a lovely experience for us all, 4 hours from start to finish.
Her second one was a C section in hospital because baby was breech. What a palaver-think staff were frightened knowing she's a lawyer she could have easily delivered her IMHO.
Ten years later she delivered her 10lb son at home and I was asked to be there too.
Final DGC was born during night so she just rang me next morning-she didn't want to disturb me-I think she wanted this last one on their own.
DD2 lives much further away. She didn't even tell us when she was in labour (has never liked any fuss). Apparently she told midwives she didn't want any "cheer leading thank you" and, like her sister just got on with job with her DH there.
Ooh just remembering it all makes me excited again.
Such an exciting time

I rubbed her back when her partner went to get refreshments, chatted between contractions, generally tried to distract when she needed distracting and supported when she needed support, When she needed to go into the theatre for delivery (possible forcpes/venteuse) partner asked if I would go as he knew he might not be good there! I had to don scrubs and go with her..in fact it all went OK and it was fab to be first (after DD ) to hold DGD and to hand her to her daddy who was crying!!

?????

Quite right too.

Jbf I have STRICT instructions to stay head end LOL!!

Perhaps mum or sister/friend to sit at the head end, if no partner available. But nowhere near business end!

Sorry meant to say hope all goes smoothly Sarahfrost and you enjoy the experience. Very emotional no doubt.

It would be very sad if just mum giving birth with a midwife unless one knew her well. I had hubby there for them all. Five CS under epidural and one normal delivery when we knew the baby had sadly already died. I was so glad we shared these experiences.

If you are happy to do it, fine. Personally I would not have wanted to at all - with her first I told dd and her dh I didn't want to know anything until it was all over.
For her 2nd I happened to be there when she went into labour and she only just made it to the hospital so that wouldn't have been too bad, but the first was much more difficult and prolonged. I would have been worried sick for hours.
I was worried enough when she left for hospital with no. 2 so thank goodness he was in a hurry and didn't keep his poor granny on tenterhooks for long.

Don't know about anybody else, but I would never have wanted my own mother with me for either of mine! Dh or nobody, and he couldn't be there for no. 1 since he was about 3000 miles away, so I had nobody, but frankly it didn't bother me at all.

No matter how old they are they're still my "babies" and one size never fits all situations, Jbf. I wouldn't have wanted my mum there, and two of my daughter's didn't want me there either - I wasn't offended at all! But one did want me there and I wouldn't have let her down, her partner is very sqeamish and due to previous traumas struggles with medical things so they were worried about how it would be. I saw my job as enabling her partner to be as actively involved as she could manage. It was a real privilege and when I was asked 2nd time around I didn't hesitate to say yes. Hope all goes well on d day * Sarah

I think it's a privilege to have been asked but if her partner will also be present at the birth then I would ask her to assign you a specific role. She may just want you to sit on the sidelines and be there for moral support or she may want you to be her main support. Better to discuss before the big event.

Hope everything goes well for her and you both enjoy the experience. Exciting times!

jinglbellsfrocks tbh that would of been my reaction to my mother being at my children's births - but different relationship and different generation! I was asked by both DD and SIL to be present to support and was so very honoured. Thank you everyone for your lovely words and encouragement - I'll keep you all posted!! 6 days till EDD so allowing for 12 days over only 18 max to go lol!!

I was there because DD2 knew her DP was a panicky pants an would not calm her! I am a bit no nonsense! She knew what she needed!! He was there too as was her sister......

Well, the partners were useless tossers !!!!

Cringe!

I was there for 3 of DGC births, never occurred to anyone it wasn't appropriate!!

jbf if the woman in labour wants her mum there, which was the case for all my DDs' births, then that is where she should be. My DD3 needed me as in the first instance the father was not around, in the second instance the father, her husband, pissed off and left her to cope alone. Of course I was going to be there.

In the other cases SILs asked me to be there too. I never once asked to be there. It is an exhausting experience not to be taken on lightly. I didn't interfere with any decisions made and left them alone to bond after the birth (even though I was bursting for a cuddle). DD2 ended up having an emergency section and the baby breathed in meconium and was rushed to ICU. Thank goodness I was there. Both DD and SIL were distraught and I was able to support both of them.

Everyone's needs are different, so don't knock it.

Don't take offence if she changes her mind !I flew over when my DD rang , cost a fortune too . She welcomed me with open arms , it was a home birth , then rang her sister and asked her to get me out of the road ! No idea what happened , but it was all smiles and happy tears when we were finally allowed back so see the gorgeous baby

As well as the things people have already said onele of the other important things I did was to ask questions of the medical staff in a more detached way. They were talking about a possible C Section at one time which I knew DD wanted to avoid if possible. I was able to ask if the baby was in distress/was DD in any danger etc. When answer was no,she is 'just'tired I was able to talk with DD to really see if she wanted to have C section or keep going. She chose to keep going with labour. I think she & partne may have felt pressured to say yes to c section straght away. As it was DGD arrived an hour or so later. Almost11 years ago now. Worth reading the NIHCE guidelines on delivery etc. beforehand to give u an idea of current "good" practice

She is not your "baby girl"! She is a woman.

No! Seems so wrong for the grandmother to be a birthing partner. The father, or, failing that, just the midwife.

Hi Sarah it will be fine, I was my DD's choice for 'birthing partner' too, if you are close to your daughter then who better than Mum to do it? It was a wonderful experience and I cut the umbilical cord! You will have a midwife there for the technical stuff.Let us know how it goes.?

Hello Sarah and welcome to Gransnet. I was birth partner for all 3 of my daughters which makes 6 times now. DD3 needed me both times having been abandoned by both the fathers of her sons and she was my first experience. It is something quite like any other.

Firstly, if your DD's partner is going to be there it might be a good idea to discuss how much input he would like you to have. It is important for you not to get in the way of his involvement. First time labours can be very long and slow, so being able to allow each other time out while ensuring your DD is still supported is useful. And do make sure you take some rest yourself. The last hour or 2 when DD goes through transition (when most mums feel at their worst) and the second stage is when you will need to support her most, so reserve your energy until then.

Re seeing your DD in pain, yes it is difficult but keep thinking of it as positive. I found that my mother's instinct to soothe and help in any way DD needed kicked in. I think you will find that the focus of your concern will be on how she feels, not on yourself.

As other posters have said, go with the flow. Every one of my DD's labours and births have been different.

Finally, be guided by the midwives who know what the are doing. If things are beginning to go pear shaped, which hopefully they don't, they will need you to back off quickly and keep calm.

And don't worry about crying. Most people do cry when the baby is born, partly from relief and partly because it is such a miracle to see a new baby arrive. I cried every time! Good luck and enjoy being a grandparent. Being at the birth is such a bonding experience. The baby will be very special to you.