Losing out when moving abroad.

Going by personal experience only, if the person abroad has plenty of money to hop back and forth, it isnt too bad.

Other than that, yes I would agree with you.

No, absolutely not.
We are only just over the channel in Normandy and we have UK TV (as well as French), The Guardian delivered to our ipads at 5am, plus Twitter, Facebook etc.
We Skype /Facetime the family all the time (OH spent an hour last week helping eldest DGD with simultaneous equations). I hop across the channel for several weeks a year to see them and help DD when she needs an extra pair of hands. We don't see our grandchildren in Spain as often, but keep in close touch.
Some friends still visit, others have lost touch, but I guess that is the same wherever you live.
After eleven years France is very much home and when I come back here I leave the UK without a pang and swap instantly to my life and friends (nearly all French) here.
I think speaking the language fluently is essential and also understanding the country you live in and the way that it works.
I will always be English in France, but I don't feel I miss much about the UK except Waitrose.

You sound like you lead two lives Mamie and as Obieone says, it helps to be able to hop back and forth.
I think what worries me is the feeling people would forget me back home rather than I would be the one to lose contact with them. I'd want them to remain exactly the same when I want back, which I know isn't possible. Maybe that's the definition of nostalgia.

Ah, you are talking about it from the point of view of the person living abroad.

The ones I know who live abroad permanently, they left because they struggled a bit with family members, so didnt and dont want too much contact with them.
So perhaps that is not the situation you are in.

The relatives that both my husband and myself have and have had that live abroad, personally, I dont think we think about them or think of them any less or more than those who live in the UK.

Maybe even more actually.

I think that is where Skype helps Lillie, especially as the grandchildren get older. I certainly know more about what more distant family and friends are doing because of Facebook, which wasn't around when we were in the UK.
Not sure I lead two lives really. Our son and family are in Spain so I think I just feel European.
OH's family lived all over the world, he was born abroad and worked a lot overseas. I left my home town at 18 to go to university and we moved a lot in the UK. I think those experiences shape us more really.
Actually the only thing I find annoying is when people visit from the UK and "bring us up to date" as if we had been in remote Himalayas for years. I always remember a friend visiting and telling us all the local news then being amazed that South Today was on the telly.

My sister has lived abroad for 48 years, she visits UK 4 times a year and reverts back to her UK life without problems. DD moved abroad and visits every couple of months but seems more detached from her old life. Since the referendum I have only seen and spoken to her once.

I moved abroad to live with the love of my life, because he had been 5 years at university and would have been a teacher in the Uk with leather patches on the elbows of his jacket.

Seriously though my parents were both dead and we wanted grandparents for our daughter. Germany was not so much different from the Uk in those days apart from the fact that it had turned a corner and was a thriving and postitive place to build a new life.
We didn't have Skype, not even a telephone at first. I did pay the price of homesickness but a lot of it was that I still missed my mother. But I did not miss Sheffield and was glad to get away.
You do make sacrifices but if you are integrated and embrace a whole new culture and language, then there is no going back.

It always was the right decision - after 48 happy years together I would do it again.

My son lives abroad has done for around 8yrs now he doesn't really keep up with goings on here very much although makes the odd comment on FB now and then he is very much living his life there having started his family there with his lovely partner but far from feeling he is missing out he is making a new life and experiences there. He only visits family here rarely and its usually a flying visit while on business. He will come over for a wedding/funeral but thats about it for him. I'm pretty sure he doesn't miss the UK one bit and is much healthier, happier and affluent living where he does although he has friends and colleagues who travel back and forth often.

Of course I'd wish it were different especially now his family is growing but its the way it is and I can't change it. I have visited regularly in the past but am restricted at present but a dodgy hip.

Although my sister is 12000 miles away, we have always been close and remain so even though she can't come over here more that every two or three years.

My DD has lived in Oz for the last 14 years having fallen in love with and married an Australian. She still gets homesick occasionally and misses people but not places. I am happy for her. She has a good life, is happy and has made a wonderful home for her family. I am lucky that I see her at least once a year and this year they will all be visiting the UK so at last I can have a photo of all my grandchildren together

I have never not been an expat! I can barely imagine what it must be like to have a 'home'...but am not complaining...just feel rootless at times!

I was thinking of starting a thread on a similar subject. Family close to us are visiting the UK for the last time . They have had long holidays here every year for 12 years but distance and age will put a stop to that. If I was them I would be so sad to think I would not see my homeland again and my extended family. One of them hates our cold weather and would miss some of their family who live 5 hours from their home abroad. The other would come home if possible I think . I am so glad I am not them being torn ,though they have a good life, for me " home " is best.

Yes, Flora it's the growing old abroad and being left on my own bit that probably scares me too. I admire those couples on TV who "escape to the continent" and find a dream home, bit it worries me that lots of them rarely consider the consequences of being stuck in the middle of nowhere and maybe that's when homesickness kicks in.
I'm getting the feeling that lots of us can cope with our children heading to foreign parts to live, but not many of us are brave enough to actually take the plunge ourselves in later life.

I think it is hard when people get left on their own especially if they don't drive / speak the language.
We have a big property and a garden we have created, but do live in a very close and supportive community. Our plan is to sell the property (which will probably take a couple of years) when we feel we are finding it hard to manage and then rent something smaller in a more convenient location here in France. I wouldn't know where to go in the UK really; we lived all over the place and though DD lives in a lovely town it would be too expensive and too busy.

Ideally I would love a holiday home abroad and keep my home here.Not financially viable though. If I did come into money or release equity in my home I would help my grandchildren get on the housing ladder first.

I think there is a lot of difference between just moving to Europe and being a few hundred miles away, and living in North America or Australia and being thousands of miles away. As travel on budget airlines (a recent thread!) is so cheap and straightforward it's no different from living in more remote parts of the UK. Other side of the world is entirely different and needs a lot more desire, energy and cash!

My son and family emigrated to Australia about 10 years ago and definitely think that everyone is as he left us. He can't seem to get his head around the fact that his fathers Dementia is worsening ,his uncle is unwell after having a stroke and I can't cater for 40 people who they would like to catch up with in one go. Oh dear how I wish we were all the same as we were 10 years ago!

I married and moved here to Sweden 48 years ago, there are ups and downs, but I am fortunate to be able to get over to the UK three or four times a year, so I never loose touch.I try to keep up with things, I stream tv programmes, wonderful, as Swedish TV has much to be desired.I read local newspapers so that I am up to date when I go to the UK, at least I know what people are discussing that way.
People seem just the same when I meet them, of course I meet them so often, so not surprising really.People often ask me over here where I feel most at home, and my answer is I am at home wherever I am, in the UK home is there, and in Sweden, home is here.Of course Liverpool will always be home to me!
The difficult question to answer is when they ask me " do you dream in English or Swedish" now thats difficult to answer!Thats a good research project!

I have known of several older people who had to move back eventually for health/family reasons, or because one half of the couple has died and the other doesn't drive or speak the language, or just feels lonely and wants to be closer to family.
Sometimes there have been big problems because they can't then sell their house, or UK property prices in the area they want have moved way out of reach.

We lived overseas for Dh's work for many years, and I'd never want to move from the UK again, but if I ever did I'd be sure to keep some sort of bolthole here. An ex colleague who recently moved to a much cheaper area of rural France bought a flat near her own family here - in case. Very sensible IMO.

Vickymeldrew- I so agree. Living within 1 day's driving or train journey distance, or a short flight away is so different to living on other side of world. Not sure how I would cope with GCs living in NZ or OZ - I have to admit.

Am a strange hybrird- eg a double expat. Born and bred here in French speaking Switzerland- left at 19 for short stint in UK and stayed there all my adult life- married to a Brit, with British children and GCs, friends, studies, career- and never intented to come back.

Were looking for a small place to rent when we retired, and low and behold, fell in love with this old house in t'mountains- and were lucky enough to also keep a property in the East Mids. And yes, we truly feel we have 2 lives and 2 homes. When we go to UK we feel we are going home- and when we return, we are coming home ...
dual nationalities for both of us now (since the age of 21 for me), and both bilingual (well sort of for DH- he has done so well and was determined not to be one of those expats that just shouts louder ;) )...
But when we are unable to travel with ease back and forth- then I imagine we will sell up and go back to UK- and probably keep a smaller place here if we can- possibly rented.

See how it goes- nothing is written on stone, and we will take things year by year.

Having had 18 very happy years in France, 2 daughters weddings and subsequent GC all happening in the UK, now I find myself alone here in the foothills of the Pyrenees , but I am quite ambivalent about returning 'home'. We did it... we lived the dream, and now it's time to close the page and open a new one. It was quite indulgent of us to hike off in pursuit of 'the dream' and I'm so grateful our daughters never critised us for it, now I am quite looking forward to repaying their support by offering my support in whatever way I can for the few years that are left to us.
Like you mamie we had many good French friends which I will be leaving behind (and some fantastic young expat friends who have been towers of strength for the past 6 months)... but I guess home is where the heart is.

willsmadnan - you must be quite near us (SW Gers.)
We've been here for 15 years but have kept a small place in England.When one of us dies the other will go back. Not easy to live here alone.
Two of our grown children live abroad (India,Kuwait)and the girls in England. I go back regularly but husband doesn't. Stubbornly entrenched, but that's his nature.
Our family has always been a bit dispersed, all very independent, but close when it's needed.

We were very careful about location when we moved here- in the countryside/mountains- but with good road and bus/train services to both France and Switzerland- for shopping, culture (cinema, theatre, etc) - very aware that as we get older it will be more and more important. We could cope very well here without cars if we had to at some point-and could also easily get deliveries and help.

Having lived in the UK from age 19 to 60 - despite having many friends here, I feel a bit of a stranger here at times, funnily enough (not surprising as I lived all my adult life in UK).

My case is somewhat different. My parents moved to Spain when I was six, and I have lived her all my life. I married into a Spanish family and all would have been well, had my ex (now deceased) husband had not been an alcoholic and caused all sorts of strife which led to divorce. I have two children by him. I then married an Englishman who had been here for a good many years and we have a child in common.
I have no ties to the UK, as my mother lives here and i have no living family in the UK. DH has all his family there but is not particularly close. As we are not well off, we try to get over once a year to see his parents and so that our daughter has a relationship with them.
Do we miss the UK? Not at all.
Several people have mentioned living abroad and thinking those in the UK have not changed, we have the reverse experience in that DH's family see him as a rebel teen even now. He will be 54 in a few days!
Would I live in the UK? Not likely. I enjoy our visits, but love my home. Spain is home to me.