Children at weddings

that would only make it worse just go and grin and bear it for the sake of peace and quiet after all its just one day.

Personally, wouldn't go !

I would go to try and keep things peaceful. Is your daughter going to the evening do?

Weddings are a social minefield.....I think you should go.

Life's too short for why's. Go, eat their food, drink their wine and catch up with relatives. Their actions may or may not be intentional, if it's the latter enjoy yourself knowing you are a better person than they are.

Last year DH and I were invited to Nephews wedding, as were DH's other brother and wife. None of our children or grandchildren were invited. Although, when we got there my SiLs whole family were invited and in attendance.
The four of us were virtually ignored, both at the church ceremony and reception we were placed away from the rest of the family!

It is the last wedding in that branch of the family that we will attend! Despite the Christmas card saying it was nice to see us!

I will never go to to an evening reception again I think it is horrible to join the rest of the people who have been wined and dined and you arrive cold sober . As for not going to the wedding just do not turn up. We were invited to the evening do of my oldest friend's daughter . It was some distance away so we booked in the hotel where it was being held and arrived to be greeted by her husband and a couple of other people. We stood and chatted for a little while and eventually my husband said pontedly to me " Do you want a drink ? " He had to go and buy me one. We had the one drink and went to our room. My friend has said a couple of times that she did not remember seeing us there but nobody really missed us. They did have plenty of money so no excuse for lack of a drink .

Love the wedding ceremony itself and the reception afterwards with all the cringe-worthy speeches but hate the evening does, so usually manage to slip away after a reasonably appearance.

Gravy I'd say go to the wedding and the meal for sure. As far as the evening do then if your daughter wants to go then you'll have company and if not then skip it.

Even if invited to the whole do I do not stay for the evening as I can't stand noisy discos when most people are drunk if drinking all day or very noisy. If just invited to the evening it is a polite refusal as said above it is expensive and quite frankly you are second division. My D and SiL were invited to their cousins wedding, where we had been invited to the day, just for the evening. Their child was not included which meant leaving him with friends, we would have had 2 nights hotel expenses and them one and a 300 mile each way journey. We declined both invites as quite frankly we felt they expected us to. We both sent presents as again we felt they expected us to . Am I cynical?

No A60 a realist. I hate noisy discos too and when my DiL celebrated her 40th last year I gained a lot of brownie points by offering to take all four GC back to my house at 9.00pm and keep them overnight.

Little did they know .....I couldn't wait to escape.

If you're cynical then I'm Machiavellian!!

No, Ann you are not cynical. An invite is just that, you are allowed to say yes or no to attend. Why is it that we feel guilty if we want to say no?

I'm not a fan of weddings at all these days or any "do". You can't get to see the person whose wedding/party it is because they are flitting about, there are people I don't know and, like Ann said, it is usually noisy and lots of people, which I don't like now. I would rather have a lunch with someone to celebrate on a one to one basis. I'm just a grump, but love it.

ann60 we were invited to our niece's evening do, but not the wedding. Only about 25 people attended the wedding and meal - close family members and close friends. We heard that a sister of the groom's mother was invited, but none of the bride's parents' siblings were invited, which was a little hurtful to be honest. Like you, we would have had a journey of 300 miles each way and at least one overnight stay, so the expense would have been considerable and IMO not worth the trouble for just an evening do. I have health problems, which are known to them, and so I believed they would understand, expect even, that we would not attend. But no! My niece has not spoken to me since, though we were once close and used to speak regularly on the phone. I sent a sizeable cheque as a present and did not even get a thank you! Weddings are indeed fraught with danger

No she knows they don't want her or the kids there and things have taken a turn for the worst. I have politely told them I wouldn't be going to the wedding so my brother and his family aren't talking to me. I have also found out that my brother and his family no longer visit my dads grave, I've been told it's because my grandson was buried with him and they're not happy about it. I am utterly devastated and after finding this out I really don't know if I want a relationship with them at all. Xx

They sound like hard work

They sound like the family from hell ! I wouldn`t go either

Oh they are lol it's just drama all the time but I think this time they've taken it too far xx

Stansgran, they are very hard work I thought they would get better as we got older but to tell the truth it's never going to get better xx

Gravy it sounds like you're reaching the point where you choose to stop trying to please them. When something has been going on for a long time, we can forget that we have the option of walking away - a 'can't see the wood for the trees' kind of thing. Once you've made the first decision to do what suits you, it will get easier to just get on with your life with the family you do have around you.

Gravy That is terrible. They should have some sympathy and lots of support if you have lost a grandson. I can't believe that they would even think of saying that to you. I'm sending you a hug. Some people are just heartless, regardless of them being our relations.

My ED said to me while I was holding my youngest grandson on the very first time I saw him, only a couple of days old, that if he or his brother had had ANY problems, she would have had a termination. It's a good job I was sat down because it floored me really. Fancy saying that when I was holding him for the first time? I honestly can't believe she is my daughter. She is so cold and heartless. I don't see her any more, my health was really suffering because of our relationship. Sometimes we have to cut the threads in order to look after ourselves. I now only have my DS as my family, along with my beloved pets, who are far more loving than any of the humans I am unfortunately related to.

Gravy so sorry to read that you lost a grandson. That is just about the worst thing that can happen to a grandparents, and I know that apart from your own grief you would have had to watch his parents go through hell.

How dare your family say that they no longer visit your father's grave for that reason.

.Wilma is absolutely right. Cut all ties with these people. Get them out of your life and concentrate on your own immediate little family who love and support each other (((hugs))))

Lovely post Anya. And Ruby. Gravy, sending you hugs.

I would go to both and enjoy it. Life is too short to hold grudges. Anya's suggestion is a good one

We been invited to my daughter in law's brother's wedding. Firstly it was to the wedding then one embarrassed apology later it was only to the afternoon and evening do. My children have also been invited except my grandson ( age 11) as no children allowed. I always believed a wedding without children is not a family occasion but a glorified booze up. Mainly because I feel it is good for children to meet extended family but that's my opinion for what it is worth. It now looks like we are going but my youngest son has backed out and so has my daughter. I should have stuck to my guns and let them just get on with it as the only people we will know is my oldest son's in laws, my son and his wife of course and they will probably be too drunk to even know we are there.

Weddings are expensive and so sometimes compromises have to be made. Planning sends people into turmoil because of trying not to upset people along the way.
Also when it comes to inviting extended family , especially in these days of more than one marriage - a nightmare on what should be a beautiful occasion.

Not inviting children seems quite a common thing these days and it's not a personal rebuff to the child or family, and could be a pleasant break for parents with young children.

It's all down to how you feel about it - are you close enough to the couple getting married to want to go ? If you want to go then go.
The parents of the child not included need to make that decision also.