Children at weddings

Me and my DH, along with my youngest DD and her son, were invited to my Grandson's wedding, but not my DS or his wife. My DH was so disgusted that he refused to go to the wedding saying that if DS was not good enough to be invited then he wasn't going either. I asked my other DD (the mother of the groom) why DS hadn't been invited, and she said that it wasn't up to her who got an invite, but as she had paid for the whole wedding, and several of her work mates were invited whom the groom had never met, she did have a lot to do with the guest list. My DS was so upset, and still has not got over it.

I agree £300 is too much, but I felt guilty because the recipient is my godson & I haven't taken my duties seriously. As for thank yous on Face Book, I am not on Face Book and hate the whole idea of blasting out your private business to the world in such a self- regarding way.

Wow! I feel so much better after reading this. I thought I was some sort of anti-social misfit because although I enjoy seeing people taking their vows, I don't enjoy the receptions, especially as I have no partner to go with me. Feel much better about it now.

DizzyGran, I hate this trend of asking for money as gifts. Personally speaking I think a £50 Amazon voucher would be about the right amount and as good as money

My two children are their cousin's only first cousins. They weren't invited to their wedding, though there were goodness how many remote relations from the other side of the family.
Plus many friends with children.
I have long suspected that a close relative was behind them being blocked from attending for the relative's own very misguided reasons
This was some years ago and my son in particular has done his best to build bridges and maintain a good relationship with his cousin.
He was very upset at the time, however, as was his sibling.
I attended the wedding I did have a lovely time, I had to let what had happened go and focus on the happy day .

So many problems with families again - much better not to go unless it is someone you know well - why go somewhere where you expect to be ignored when your own family have been slighted. Not to mention possibly having to buy outfits, spend money on travel and maybe accommodation, not to mention the wedding gift - young couples now seem to want money as they have already set up home together.

Send a decline card stating you have a previous engagement and forget about them all. Life is far too short to worry about building relationships with small minded unkind people.

Any advice on how much to give to a couple who request money as a gift if you are going to the wedding. I saw that someone sent £300 - this is too much for me to give. What do you think.

Jaxie I can't remember the last time I received a thank you note for a wedding present. It seems to be acceptable to say thank you via facebook. I just had this conversation with my Mum the other day and she said the same.

Sweetness what else could you have done? Families can be such hard work.

All Invitations can be difficult.
I came from what I thought was a close family. My niece invited me, my mum , DD and SIL with their new baby to her child's 1st birthday party. My son and DIL who also had a new baby were left out. I was told there wasn't enough room!!..it upset me and my mum so much I declined the invitation for mysel but tried to stay friendly. I've been cut off ever since all over a birthday. The reason behind it all was my nieces jealousy at my DD and DIL having babies at the same time. It's a hurt I still find v difficult . Families!!

My friend arranged for a crèche at her son's wedding, with a qualified person to look after the younger children. Is it a modern thing not to thank donors for wedding presents? I am shocked that so few young people send thank you notes. I gave a friend's son £300 of my savings as a wedding present and it was never acknowledged either verbally or in writing.

I have just booked train tickets to .london, specifically to avoid a wedding. And the invitation was just for the evening and I agree with you, Flora, I think it's a horrible custom, to have the A Team and then a B Team, who turn up cold stone sober, as outsiders, to see what a jolly time others have been having! Is this another American Import? Besides I get very grumpy about these large, lavish events - ridiculous! My mum used to say the bigger the wedding the shorter the marriage.

I do find it difficult to understand how people decide who to invite to their wedding. I was invited to my nephew's wedding along with my sons. However, my son's girlfriend of several years was not invited. I was invited to my niece's wedding (sister of previous groom) along with my sons but grandchildren specifically excluded. They said they did not want any babies and toddlers interrupting things but my grandchildren are older and love weddings and were quite upset. I didn't attend that wedding as I was only 2 weeks post major surgery but they thought I would be fit enough to attend.

I don't think I would go...it dosn't sound very welcoming or very fair. I have noticed that although these days weddings are expensive and so choosing people to attend is sometimes a difficult decision, they seem to be all about friends these days and not about family as they used to be. I can remember going to all my cousin's weddings - even those I didn't see very often, as families only tend to congregate at funerals it is nice to meet the family on a happy occasion. However, I went to one wedding where the groom didn't even invite his own SON and the whole thing seemed to be about impressing friends, and more recently to one where the friends outnumbered family and even the Groom's grand-parents didn't get invited. It's a shame that weddings have changed so much.

Gravy Families are very hard work and sometimes we keep trying past the point where we really know that things are never going to change but before we admit it to ourselves.
My mother told a friend in front of me that my father's family put pressure on her to have an abortion when she was pregnant with me. It was like she forgot I was there. I think they were probably right because he was very young and immature but I didn't need to know.
I do have a good relationship with her now but it was very difficult for a while but not with anyone else in the family except a couple of cousins who are ok if I ignore their bigotry against refugees, people on benefit and anyone the Sun tells them to hate.
Just because they are family, it doesn't mean they are people we would choose as friends and sometimes relationships can get corrosive. People say things like 'family is everything' too often. It really isn't.

Looking at this from the othere end of the telescope (as my DD is researching wedding costs) it is horrendously expensive to add children to a catered guest list and apparently the rule is now that only the children of immediate or very close family are invited (if then!) and so it is normal to see a few children at a wedding but most guests will be adults.

Your situation, however, seems to be more of a family relationship issue than a cost thing. In that case, I should remain polite but go wth your instincts. If you think you'll enjoy being with these people, go, and if not, don't.

Weddings are expensive and so sometimes compromises have to be made. Planning sends people into turmoil because of trying not to upset people along the way.
Also when it comes to inviting extended family , especially in these days of more than one marriage - a nightmare on what should be a beautiful occasion.

Not inviting children seems quite a common thing these days and it's not a personal rebuff to the child or family, and could be a pleasant break for parents with young children.

It's all down to how you feel about it - are you close enough to the couple getting married to want to go ? If you want to go then go.
The parents of the child not included need to make that decision also.

We been invited to my daughter in law's brother's wedding. Firstly it was to the wedding then one embarrassed apology later it was only to the afternoon and evening do. My children have also been invited except my grandson ( age 11) as no children allowed. I always believed a wedding without children is not a family occasion but a glorified booze up. Mainly because I feel it is good for children to meet extended family but that's my opinion for what it is worth. It now looks like we are going but my youngest son has backed out and so has my daughter. I should have stuck to my guns and let them just get on with it as the only people we will know is my oldest son's in laws, my son and his wife of course and they will probably be too drunk to even know we are there.

I would go to both and enjoy it. Life is too short to hold grudges. Anya's suggestion is a good one

Lovely post Anya. And Ruby. Gravy, sending you hugs.

Gravy so sorry to read that you lost a grandson. That is just about the worst thing that can happen to a grandparents, and I know that apart from your own grief you would have had to watch his parents go through hell.

How dare your family say that they no longer visit your father's grave for that reason.

.Wilma is absolutely right. Cut all ties with these people. Get them out of your life and concentrate on your own immediate little family who love and support each other (((hugs))))

Gravy That is terrible. They should have some sympathy and lots of support if you have lost a grandson. I can't believe that they would even think of saying that to you. I'm sending you a hug. Some people are just heartless, regardless of them being our relations.

My ED said to me while I was holding my youngest grandson on the very first time I saw him, only a couple of days old, that if he or his brother had had ANY problems, she would have had a termination. It's a good job I was sat down because it floored me really. Fancy saying that when I was holding him for the first time? I honestly can't believe she is my daughter. She is so cold and heartless. I don't see her any more, my health was really suffering because of our relationship. Sometimes we have to cut the threads in order to look after ourselves. I now only have my DS as my family, along with my beloved pets, who are far more loving than any of the humans I am unfortunately related to.

Gravy it sounds like you're reaching the point where you choose to stop trying to please them. When something has been going on for a long time, we can forget that we have the option of walking away - a 'can't see the wood for the trees' kind of thing. Once you've made the first decision to do what suits you, it will get easier to just get on with your life with the family you do have around you.

Stansgran, they are very hard work I thought they would get better as we got older but to tell the truth it's never going to get better xx

Oh they are lol it's just drama all the time but I think this time they've taken it too far xx

They sound like the family from hell ! I wouldn`t go either

They sound like hard work