Learning to do things differently.

I keep thinking about your post - and your beaded curtain and panel lights. Get them! Make a sparkly place. You sound quite brave and positive and you have recognised that this year is a turning point.Someone advised me that if you want life to change - then do something differently. Join something, go to different places. Sometimes life surprises us and what we think is going to happen doesn't, so live for today. I speak from experience because my life has had to turn around and I'm going through a period of change. Beyond a few sensible contingencies , that's how I cope. Enjoy the little pleasures, a conversation on a bus or in a coffee shop, a treat or two. I looked up Saga and if it's do-able for you they run Solo Christmas holidays.
I hope your health improves Rubylady. I have enjoyed your comments when I've come across them on other posts. Here's to sparkly lights and sparkly times.

Post-divorce I had a couple of c . . days alone. Reflecting on it now, it wasn't the being alone that was so bad, I was used to that, it was the feeling sorry for myself because it was c . . day that was the painful bit, and it was painful in part because it held echoes of previous c . . days when I'd been really unhappy. I can see it in perspective now but it was grim at the time. I'm lucky, I've now got some really happy occasions under my belt to remember and I think these memories will help to support me if I have other 'alone' ones in the future. Might even go and search out someone else who is alone and invite them round just for a couple of hours!

The original post was about learning to do things differently.
When my lovely husband died I changed a lot of the furnishings in the house and altered the garden.
I think I was on autopilot I don't remember much about it I was a whirling dervish, I didn't want to forget him far from it but everything was so painfully familiar.
I've changed quite a lot I go out to lunch with friends and go to keep fit classes which I didn't do before as he was an invalid for such a lot of years. I was determined not to stay in and brood and I feel now it was the right thing to do, he is always on my mind but after 56 years in a happy marriage I have learned how to live alone.

Hi rubylady 'do nothing' but don't be sad and lonely. Save all your 1p, 2p and 5p coins from now and use the total to help buy some pamper products nearer the time. On the day, have a lie in, spend the morning in your pyjamas, watch TV, eat nice things. After lunch, if the weather's fit, go for a walk and deliberately notice nice things, children trying out new bikes, things like that, count the decorated trees in front windows etc. Smile and greet people as you pass, whether you know them or not. It doesn't matter if they don't reply. Have your favourite foods for dinner. In the evening, have a relaxing bath and use the lovely pampering products. Relax in front of the TV. Have an early night with a good book and a small glass of something (or a nice cup of tea!) Do nothing, but plan it well. Will anyone buy you Christmas presents? If so, be bold and ask for bath and body stuff. If not then treat yourself. That's what I'd do if I was alone on any 'special' day. I wish you a lovely not lonely day when it comes ?

1. Treat yourself by going away somewhere fab.
2. You are 'allowed ' - not to celebrate the day in the usual way. Have a pj day (buy some new ones). Don't bother with the lunch. Buy a M & S meal and then move onto the naughty nibbles (a glass or two if you do ) and just enjoy.
3. Volunteer to help out at a local church supplying lunch for the homeless or single elderly.

There are lots of things to keep you busy. Enjoy.

I meant Babyboomer!^

Babysitter, that's a lovely idea.

Rubylady, you sound so nice, and I do hope Christmas turns out OK for you. I don't think you are unreasonable to be thinking about it now - I'm sure I would be the same. It's unfair that this sort of situation happens, but it does, and I think you have just the right attitude. The thing to remember is that, despite all the hype, real Christmas only lasts TWO DAYS. I think you should spend that two days completely spoiling yourself with an absolutely clear conscience. Buy yourself some presents and treats, chocolates, wine and possibly a favourite DVD boxed set, or that new book you've been planning to read. You deserve it.

Best of luck with your plans rubylady. My plans will be different this year, as I'd normally be with family of x, as I live in the same country as them. Now that I've been single for 7 months, I'll be doing things differently this year, and will probably go to family in London. Better get my flight booked soon!

I thought Rozina had the best idea- join a house party(or something) and get wasted

Yep, these new varifocals are taking some getting used to, but I still think it's a good idea

i spent many christmasses onj my own in recent years although some were with friends or families.
however my daughter and two grandaughters came to live with me in may last year so last christmas was the best i'd had since i split up with my now ex-husband over 20 years ago!!
but my life changed when i left my husband and i still enjoy spending time on my own doing whatever i want ........... bit different since my visitors turned into residents though!!

Loopy At the moment I am confined to the settee as I am in a lot of pain and the breathing is quite bad. I'm not worrying about Christmas, at all, just looking forward to doing things differently. I can't plan anything really due to the health problems and next week for the meet up in t'North, I will have to rest up all week until I go and even then just go from the car into the restaurant. I hope I can talk by then because my voice keeps going too. Otherwise I'm taking a pad and pen!

Jingle Me too, and then I can cast a spell on myself and get myself better, I've tried everything else!

First of all try to enjoy the summer such as it is. Try to go out to things like summer fairs. It takes a while to get in to things but try to do one thing and see how it goes. When life changes it is better to adapt and go forward. What sort of things are you interested in? Stop worrying about Christmas. Enjoy today.

D'you have to get training for that? Can anyone have a go?

radicalnan You're a witch?

Thanks again for your replies although many think that I am dreading being on my own for the festive period, I am not. I have dreamt of having the opportunity to do whatever I want, it really is fine. All I was saying was that I have dropped some traditions we had as a family and I have taken up new ones by myself, very happily. We used to go to the panto on Christmas Eve from my ED being very small but it tailed off when I got divorced as we had done that as a married couple with children, so I did things differently when I became a single mum on Christmas Eve. We had a house party instead. But I have done all that, partied for a good few years when the lovely judge gave me my decree absolute so I am a bit partied out right now and besides, I want to be in my own home for the first one on my own with my pets.

My point being, has anyone else changed their traditions because their situation has changed?

Totally agree with DaphneBroon. Christmas doesn't necessarily have good memories for everyone and those people prefer not to think about it until they have to.I hate how early it all starts in the shops and I think it devalues it, even for those who like it. A chance to do things differently, try new things, is an exciting time so seize the opportunity when you can. Who knows what lies ahead.....! Hopefully many happy adventures !

The C****** we didn't have any family available to share festivities we went on a really super (I.e. more expensive) holiday. It was super and I didn't think about previous C******** at all.

I hope using asterisks for the C word is acceptable and doesn't offend those of a nervous disposition.

No, it's never too early to think about that time that (for some) shall not be mentioned. When I was a child, it was such an exciting time, even though we had very little. When I married my first husband, we did nothing special and I missed it. As soon as I had my children, I started creating traditions and carry these on now with my grandchildren. I go a bit OTT by some people's standards, I know, but I think we need something to look forward to in the bleak mid winter.

Thankfully. I am never alone at that time but, I have been, when my children had to spend every other one with their father. I was fortunate in having a very good friend and we would book a lovely restaurant for the night before then go to a club or something (ok, I was a lot younger) then, on the 25th (see how I am trying to avoid the C word here?), we would drive up to London where not many places were open in the 1980s on such a day, find somewhere to have another lovely meal and go back to mine for a few drinks. Happy days though I would rather have had my children. I had no choice and just had to make the most of it.

What would I do these days if I had to face it alone? Well, I expect the clubbing would be out of the question, but I would still want to spend it with my friend (same one). Being a bit more affluent these days, we would probably book a two or three night stay in a seaside hotel and enjoy the festivities there. Even if I didn't have my friend, I think that is what I would do anyway. A change of scene helps, I find.

I go on a cruise.

I totally agree that volunteering at a shelter etc would be the way forward and the way to be with people, help them to have an enjoyable time and make friends with the other volunteers.
This could be your new ritual.
Other than that book into one of those hotels or holiday camps . meet new people, get tipsy and hopefully your troubles will feel miles away Good Luck.

rubylady - even though I don't celebrate C.... (wrong religion!), I understand your apprehension about spending it alone if that is not what you've been used to.
I wish I could think of some new ideas, but can only come up with what some others have said about going away (if money allows) to "escape" it, as so many people do. Not everyone wants their house overrun with guests and being expected to do all the cooking, which cabn be quite stressful.
If going abroad is too expensive, what about rwnting a small cottage in a beautiful area/town you have always wanted to visit but not got round to and spending a quiet week or few days without a TV reading, going for walks and generally indulging/pampering yourself to the hilt.
I hope this helps.

how about holding your own C party with some other friends who will be alone too? That is what I now do. I am having a lonely friend come to stay this C so that neither of us would be alone. Don't be alone if you don't want to be. Or - if you can - book a C break in a hotel - how about C and New Y in Scotland?

I too have done 30+ years of seasonal slog.

I had one holiday (avoiding the C word here) on my own it was fine, everyone should try it.

You can still go to church, sing carols for ages before and after. listen to King's College choir on the radio, watch old films, send cards or whatever. I think we have been a little beguiled into thinking it is better than it is, I had some ghastly ones, wrong presents, wrong people, turkey that fell on the floor, one time we all had flu.

If you are really a Christian then the church will provide plenty of that side of things for you, you can volunteer but do so early as lots of people do that now, decorate yes, whatever pleases you in the dark season.

I drink a toast to friends who are no longer with us. Last year, I had 15 people here, it was mostly horrible, son bought his mates and they sat in another room hogging the log fire, drunk while I entertained older visitors in the kitchen, fraught with tension, as no one can burn a dinner like me.

It is just one day and shed loads of hype.

However,speaking as a witch, I can tell you that the solstice a few days before is magical.........so take your pick, C, Solstice or your very own bespoke celebration because really we are welcoming the coming back of the light. Take or make the magic that suits you best.

You may have one quiet C like I did, then a house full next, nothing is set in stone. I may well be on here on the day, having burnt the dinner and fallen out with everyone on the phone...........

So, see you then, put it in your diary, you won't be on your own.

Dear Ruby Lady,

Just go away to a house party where there will be lots of other people on their own and get waited on!