Learning to do things differently.

Can we PLEASE not have any references to the C festival in early July?????

Doubt you will be on your own think your son will be back for Christmas, as most students go home, mine got very homesick and did not want to go back to university after Christmas holidays. Sorry if I am depressing you.

I thought the same. Has he said he won't be home for C* ? I'm sure all his mates will go home. So why wouldn't he.

I am very fortunate I have always spent my Christmases surrounded by my family and expect to continue to do so BUT I have often fantasised about spending Christmas on my own - and my fantasy lone Christmas is very little different to the Christmases I have spent with my family.

My home would be decorated as usual, I would make all the usual Christmas preparations but on a much smaller scale and eat the traditional food (for me) and the day would have the same time table, although I would assume I would have bought my own presents. They would have included some delicious new books, possibly a box set and a small box of luxury chocolates.

Through out the day I would remember with happy nostalgia all the family Christmases of my past life, without any sense of sadness and loss, and I would be thankful that overall my memories of Christmas have been so happy.

Okay, let's get this straight - we will have no more no mention of Christmas until after the November Street fair!

You have he right attitude rubylady. Our December 25th festivities rarely include the whole family together and last year we were on our own (myself and DH.) It was marvellous! We did exactly what WE wanted to for the first time in 38 years. I suspect your son will be home anyway but if not, I hope you have a lovely day. ???

I couldn't do the "happy nostalgia" thing Monica. That would just about have me on the floor in a pile of misery. I would have to vow to put past Christmases right out of my head, and concentrate on the present only. Makes my blood run cold just thinking of it actually.

Rubylady, plan, and expect, your son to be home for Christmas. Keep in contact with him. You might have to send money. Do it cheerfully. (It can be done)

It wasn't so much about Christmas, that was just an example of the coming change in my life. It was about if any of you do things differently when you have a life change, that was the question?

If my son does not come home for Christmas, then it will not be because he doesn't want to be home, it will be because it is Christmas and he doesn't celebrate Christmas and would prefer to spend it doing his own thing in his own way. Anyway, the hotel I am going to in September also take Christmas guests so that might be an option in the next few years, going staying close to my son instead of him being here. Mix things up a bit.

And in my opinion, it is never to early to talk about Christmas! When I was younger, my Christmas album would have been playing by now and I used to be an avid viewer of Christmas in July on QVC! Nothing wrong with a bit of tinsel through the year or some divine comfort.

That would be great Rubylady! (The hotel thing) Excellent idea all round! [snike] Go for it.

What is a snike?!

I'm up for talking about Christmas.

ruby I am at a point in my life too where I have the chance to start doing things differently. Trouble is that for all my daydreaming, I don't know where to start. Over thinking things has always been a weakness for me, so I suspect I will just do some things on impulse to get started. As usual, I've been looking for a book on Amazon about life changing or something along those lines. Why do I always think the answer lies in a new book?

(I know the answer really]

rubylady,why not volunteer at a homeless shelter or similar.Not only will it be a change for you but it will take your mind off things and help you to feel needed and useful.

An interesting post !
Christmas can be an emotional time indeed.
Especially when you've lost a child as I have. Life changing indeed.
Also if you've children who are married with kids they also have to decide which parents to go to - already I've had DD being told by her in laws that she's got to go there - and that opens up a huge discussion !!!!! I'm easy going and always say love to have you all - just let me know - your decision ( although selfishly inside I'm saying 'come here').
Christmas mentioned too early ? No - Christmas in shops too early is my bug bear !
Am interested RUBYLADY in the beaded curtain ?

The Salvation Army are always looking for volunteers at Christmas - and other charities. The hospital I worked in in the UK welcomed people to visit at Christmas, as a lot of patients had no one else.

Or a hotel ...think SAGA maybe > not necessarily in the UK ... I have been on my own often at Christmas but it doesn't bother me too much ! My brother, also normally on his own, used to, before he retired, look forward to Christmas day as he said it was the only day he could lounge around the house without having to go anywhere !

I bet someone in your vicinity will be organising a lunch for people on their own ....a Church perhaps / ....ask locally if anyone knows in advance of anything !

When I had to spend Christmad on my own I tried to volunteer at the local Sally Ann but was told they had enough volunteers thanks could I cough up money instead? Besides, don't all volunteers have to be DBS checked these days? I thought it was compulsory even for bolunteers if working with vulnerable people? Sorry I have nothing constructive to offer ? Would it be rude to enquire why your son doesn't celebrate Christmas?

Our local homeless shelter has its Christmas Dinner a week or so before Christmas, and there are always far more volunteers than they need! I think my best Solo Christmases have been when I went away somewhere sunny, leaving on Christmas Day itself, or just before or just after. Something totally different, and so wonderful to be in the sunshine after weeks of rain and cold!

One year my son and his child left after Christmas dinner to go to his expartner's family. He was guiltily apologetic but I had a lovely afternoon finishing the bottle of something sparkly, eating a few chocolates and enjoying some of the Jane Austen films he'd given me. I also quietly remembered some Christmases past. I thought of all the people working, alone, or I'll that day.
It is a good memory as I realised that I was far more emotionally self sufficient than I'd previously thought.
It's a long way ahead, Ruby dear, I'm sure you'll enjoy the day too ?

Dear Ruby Lady,

Just go away to a house party where there will be lots of other people on their own and get waited on!

I too have done 30+ years of seasonal slog.

I had one holiday (avoiding the C word here) on my own it was fine, everyone should try it.

You can still go to church, sing carols for ages before and after. listen to King's College choir on the radio, watch old films, send cards or whatever. I think we have been a little beguiled into thinking it is better than it is, I had some ghastly ones, wrong presents, wrong people, turkey that fell on the floor, one time we all had flu.

If you are really a Christian then the church will provide plenty of that side of things for you, you can volunteer but do so early as lots of people do that now, decorate yes, whatever pleases you in the dark season.

I drink a toast to friends who are no longer with us. Last year, I had 15 people here, it was mostly horrible, son bought his mates and they sat in another room hogging the log fire, drunk while I entertained older visitors in the kitchen, fraught with tension, as no one can burn a dinner like me.

It is just one day and shed loads of hype.

However,speaking as a witch, I can tell you that the solstice a few days before is magical.........so take your pick, C, Solstice or your very own bespoke celebration because really we are welcoming the coming back of the light. Take or make the magic that suits you best.

You may have one quiet C like I did, then a house full next, nothing is set in stone. I may well be on here on the day, having burnt the dinner and fallen out with everyone on the phone...........

So, see you then, put it in your diary, you won't be on your own.

how about holding your own C party with some other friends who will be alone too? That is what I now do. I am having a lonely friend come to stay this C so that neither of us would be alone. Don't be alone if you don't want to be. Or - if you can - book a C break in a hotel - how about C and New Y in Scotland?

rubylady - even though I don't celebrate C.... (wrong religion!), I understand your apprehension about spending it alone if that is not what you've been used to.
I wish I could think of some new ideas, but can only come up with what some others have said about going away (if money allows) to "escape" it, as so many people do. Not everyone wants their house overrun with guests and being expected to do all the cooking, which cabn be quite stressful.
If going abroad is too expensive, what about rwnting a small cottage in a beautiful area/town you have always wanted to visit but not got round to and spending a quiet week or few days without a TV reading, going for walks and generally indulging/pampering yourself to the hilt.
I hope this helps.

I totally agree that volunteering at a shelter etc would be the way forward and the way to be with people, help them to have an enjoyable time and make friends with the other volunteers.
This could be your new ritual.
Other than that book into one of those hotels or holiday camps . meet new people, get tipsy and hopefully your troubles will feel miles away Good Luck.

I go on a cruise.