Feeling sorry for men

If I am buying clothes, I go on my own - DH is hopeless and DD far too critical. If DH is buying clothes, he likes me to go along to save him from any sartorial faux pas! He has a different idea about what fits him than I do! I never fail to marvel, though, at how long it takes a man to take off one pair of trousers and put on another! I know I'm not alone in this? As for sexism in shops, I find this exists in spades in fishing tackle shops, where women buying on their own behalf are regarded as freaks of nature to be kept at a distance and poked with a long stick if they get too near the counter! I went into our local outlet one day and asked for a spool of line. "What breaking strain does he want?" I was asked. "Who?" I asked. "Aren't you shopping for your husband? That's usually why we get women in here!" I walked out and found somewhere more gender enlightened!

DH has the same problem when he buys threads, needles etc. He can make curtains and clothes whereas I can just about sew on a button.

TRISHER I agree. Hate shopping and so does D H. Never take him clothes shopping.

Can' t say I feel particularly sorry for men. Both sexes have their problems and stereo types. I think often these days people are 'offended' where a while back we might have just laughed things off. As for periods versus shaving each day, I would gladly take the shaving !

I no longer go 'clothes shopping'as despite a massive weed out I have enough clothes for the rest of my life And for virtually any occasion ...if I spot something in a window I really like I might go and try it on. .DH and I have been together 36years. He has never been clothes shopping with me .I buy all his clothes except his shoes as he is a)colour blind b) hasn't a clue
Regarding other purchase I usually narrow it down to three or four I like and ask him for a final decision
He likes a wander round bookshops but has never enjoyed shopping (Though he will wait patiently if our DDs and I 'pop in'to interesting shops on holiday )

I do think this goes back to the days when most women didn't drive. Personally I hate shopping & my husband loves it so we very rarely go out together. I dash in & buy just what I know I want & he will traipse round all morning to every blessed shop there is!

We do do furniture together.

I do make an exception in craft shops where I can spend hours mooching but I prefer to buy clothes online & try them on in peace.

At a time when the husbands held the cheque book, there were plenty of them waiting outside changing rooms and often having to give their approval to purchases. Nowadays, women who earn a good living have no need of either approval or his credit card, and I know that my DiLs do not drag their OHs along on shopping expeditions. In fact, the OH is probably at home with the DC.

There are times when he is quite happy to sit outside a changing room - like the underwear section in M&S where I decided recently to buy a bra while we were out shopping for other things. I didn't think that sitting surrounded by ladies lingerie would be good for his blood pressure so I banished him upstairs to the coffee shop!

Greyduster, if you really MUST go into angling shops, I suggest you go in disguise, false beard, false beer gut, swear like a trooper, etc. Women should not be allowed in such places, you will want to join golf clubs next.

I agree that in many areas are suffering greatly. I am not sure that waiting outside shops for women in order to keep the peace is an actual infringement of their human rights but that they are losing out to women in the jobs front, becoming ill both physically and mentally because they no longer have a place or role in the world, unable to find housing without partners, are being shortchanged by porn, gaming, drugs, alcohol and gambling, having the highest risk of suicide and serious illness and are suffering the worst effects of divorce are all terrible prices to pay for the 'improvements' of the modern world.

These effects are not all the responsibility of women gaining more influence and of gender equality. Many are to do with technologicl and social change and globalisation but they are corrosive and I truly sympathise with modern men.

I have a son and a daughter and, while she has slipped into the world of work with ease and now has a house with a partner and a rosy future ahead of her, my son, who is older, has only just, after six years, gained permanent employment and has no prospect of buying even a flat on his own on his salary.

Well said trisher I am independent like to shop on my own or with my daughter only shop with my husband for groceries and home ware if we do go together it's to buy things for both of us and stop of for coffee and cake etc. I don't think it's fair to expect my H to wait outside a changing room. He wouldn't anyway.

Trisher I agree with almost everything you say. I do not enjoy shopping, it is a necessity not a leisure pursuit. I do not like chocolate either!! Can I be a woman?

I think many of the men accompanying women when they shop are there because they insist on it and the women wish they would go away.

I have only once stood on the edge of a playing field and I have never done it since, even then i spent most of the time sat in the club house reading. Boyfriends and husband have always been free to play/watch sports in the cold and the wet and I have certainly played them, but I have always been very clear that standing around watching is something I will not do.

GandTea how do you know I don't look like that anyway?

My DH objects to the way Daddy pig is portrayed in Peppa pig books ie stupid. Mummy pig is best st everything!

I agree, MOnica - I don't like chocolate (any more) and shopping, I can take or leave.

But if my husband is standing or sitting outside the changing room, I can't concentrate and certainly can't make up my mind. On my own, I go in, try on, buy, end of. But I like to have the luxury of an open end in case I want to try something else or am not quite happy with what I've taken into the changing rooms with me.

I think men have it much harder nowadays and would agree that the pendulum has swung too far but hopefully it will come back across to a more equable point in the future.
In the meantime it is very hard for some men in more profound ways than just waiting around shop changing rooms. We have a friend who was divorced by his wife when he became ill and in the meantime she had run up every kind of credit card and bill in order to feather her own nest. Our friend has had to live in a series of temporary accommodations until eventually one of his female relatives rented a flat with him so that he could have a home. This was because he was told by the housing people that as a single man on his own, particularly if working and paying taxes, he would never qualify for social housing. Since he is on minimum wages he will never be able to buy his own home so it is a difficult situation to be in.

I too, think the pendulum has swung too far, there no longer seems to be a dividing line, although I am not sure what that is or was; I only know that once upon a time the men usually 'helped', with the daily running of the household, now-a-days, because so many couples work, the men are more involved with the daily running of everything, not a bad thing, but I do think it has gone a little too far. I also happen to think that women are missing out by needing to go to work - yes, I know they do need to in some cases, but I honestly think that when my children were young, although we did not have a lot, I had the best of it. I could see the other half off to work, settle down with the children,( before they were school age,) suit myself when I went to the shops, sit down with them and play, put them down for a sleep in the afternoon, put my feet up, listen to women's hour, and dad would come home to a cooked meal and in time to bath the children and a bedtime story.

I do 99% of my shopping on the net as I hate traipsing round shops.

My OH? - I am not entirely sure that he has the remotest idea what the inside of a shop looks like any more!!!

When we did used to go shopping many many moons ago prior to the net, it used to drive me crazy if he needed shoes.....he refused to try them on in the shop! Why? - well don't ask me!!

I'm glad that when my children were young it was expected that women gave up work to be a full time parent. It meant that I could be a full time mum without that the guilt or pressure that young mothers often feel today if they want to stay at home.

I don't want it to return to being an expectation but I hate the way being a mum has been devalued. I know some women have to work (there always were some) but others work because it's expected of them.

Men who say they go shopping with their wives/partners "to keep the peace" even though they hate it are playing the victim card. They are also implying that their wives will be horrible to them if they say "No. I'd really rather be..." which, after all, is a perfectly reasonable thing to do.

In short, it's the women's fault. Still.

I don't feel sorry for them about this sort of thing.

In fact I don't feel sorry for men in general for any reason at all. I have felt sorry for an individual sometimes, but that has nothing to do with their gender.

And I sometimes get exasperated by men hanging around in women's clothes shops while their partners browse. They just get in the way, sort of hovering...

Yes. True. Why do some women want their menfolk there? Maybe their menfolk are control freaks about what their wives wear.

Some of you really are over thinking this. If my wife wants me to go with her, I will, if not, I don't. She does however often ask my opinion. Doing things together is what being married is about for us and as we get older and our days together are numbered, we spend more time valuing our time together.
I'm also sure that most men do not think their lives have changed for the worse, different maybe, but still Ok.

That sounds like a fine arrangement that suits you both, gand. It's the ones who hang about looking bored that one wonders about.

I thought this was a light hearted thread and not to be taken seriously So I agree Gandtea .

We value each other's company which is I watch the occasional football match and he occasionally waits for me to try stuff on. Give and take is how we see it.

I don't think my husband feels hard done by . I'll make a note to ask but during the footie !!

GreyDuster, I have this vision of you standing of the banks of the Spey, dressed in a tweed jacket/skirt and brogues. Casting your greyduster with your vintage Hardy rod and reel.