Need Advice

As Cato the Elder nearly put it, "delenda est feles".

If money is not a problem for your DS and DIL then I would quietly set about finding them a choice of places to rent for the duration of their time until they move away. If money is a problem for them I suggest that you seriously consider what it is worth to you to subsidise or pay the rent for them. The current situation is not conducive to peace and it could all blow up to something irretrievable which would be devastating with a new grandchild on the way. It is not your place to choose somewhere for them to stay or whether they keep the deranged cat either so I wouldn't be too keen to give my opinion to them. Be very careful and keep the peace as much as you can.
I wonder what is your DH's position on all this and how did you come to an agreement to take them in and also their cat?

grumppa

Don't leave Rosabella. Sometimes people come on in playful moods. It's not disrespect and there have been some good points and suggestions re your problem. I had to part with a loved pet once. Won't bore you with why and it broke my heart. So I understand your concerns are serious that you don't want to cause a family rift. If the cat has always been spiteful and a baby is coming along (so it's not just that the cat is swiping out because it's frightened at the sudden change of home) then if your son and daughter-in-law are planning to take the cat abroad with them, because they are so bonded with it, then maybe you could try a cat behaviourist? Experts can sometimes spot why a creature is behaving in a certain way and give you advice on how to solve the problem. If they're not planning to take it with them, then maybe the cat should be rehomed now, before it settles again then has to be uprooted. Cats don't move around as easily as dogs, as it's all about the territory, so it could even be unfair to subject it to all these moves if it's already disturbed. Instead of getting heated up over the wardrobe situation, perhaps you could have a friendly discussion with your son and DIL and focus more on the aspects of worry over the far more important issue of the new baby and a cat that could hurt him/her. As soon as babies can move, they love to pull tails and squeeze fur. Bad combination. Use that as the point of discussion. Not your fear of shredded clothing! I think you can see what I mean. Good luck. Please let us know how you get on and please use the site again. It really helped me a couple of years ago with an awful worry I had and I was so grateful for the support let alone the good advice. I also love the humour on the site and sometimes if you've flipped from a humourous story to a more serious one, you can forget to leave the playfulness behind.

I once had my DS and DDiLs cat for a week when they went on holiday. I kept it in a bedroom and it was fine. Buy a clothes rail and keep the door shut at all times. Make sure they pay for it and take it with them when they leave, that's if you don't want to keep it for yourself!. The cat is frightened and feels save in the closet and it's only for a short period. My dogs weren't aware that we had a cat in the house. Don't fall out with DiL and DS because of it and you might even get to like the cat?.

Rosabella, I do feel that this situation is about more than just a cat. It's about the apparent lack of respect from your son with regard to living in your home. Daughter in law is probably just following his lead. The fact that you feel unable to put your foot down suggests that there will be conflicts in the future, (nothing like a baby for setting up disagreements).
Also, your response to comments that you don't agree with suggests a somewhat touchy side to you.

Not playfulness with me. Impatience more like.

Ridiculous situation.

You've already upset the OP jingle. Please back off now.

Please - the cat is probably not at all 'nasty' just terrified, and will benefit from hiding until it feels safe. It probably needs that room with the smell of its owners around at times and, assuming there is a litter tray for it, keep the door shut - simple solution to keeping the cat and the dogs apart. I really get upset with people who want to attribute human emotions to animals and call them 'nasty' etc; and want to throw them in the dustbin the minute something happens that they don't like or can't cope with - not suggesting you have this attitude Rosabella, just that people won't display any patience or understanding of an animal that is reacting in a natural way. As for the person who suggested letting them 'fight it out' - are you serious? A blinded dog and/or a mutilated cat might be the result - is that what you think might improve family relations?

moodog...I love your story with the "Happy ever after ending !"

Sorry to come to this thread late in the day, ROSABELLA, but having been owned by cats for the last 50 years and a member of Cats Protection, I do have some experience of their personalities and attitudes.
This cat appears to be way out of the norm curve for aggression and this should be your immediate concern for all your family, your dogs and most importantly the new baby.
If kittens are not handled correctly in their early weeks ie: play-fighting back with the kitten instead of distracting with toys, or are from a feral litter, natural aggressive play behaviours continue into adulthood and behaviour modification becomes more difficult.
Cats Protection state: " Cats that are aggressive can be very dangerous and veterinary advice should be sought if a cat is persistently aggressive to humans".. Many causes from over exuberant kitten play / a medical condition /fear.
As this cat appears to have been aggressive from the start it is doubtful that , at this stage, behaviour modification would help as it is a long, difficult challenge . Your son says the present behaviour is due to a change in environment but it would seem that it was equally predisposed to random attacks both on them and visitors its previous, permanent home so this is hardly likely to improve in the present circumstances with the added factor of dogs.
Has your son consulted a vet to ascertain that the cat is not suffering a medical condition, surely this aggression would have been seen in the surgery when attending for annual vaccinations?
Sadly it does not seem likely that this cat will ever be a cuddly domestic pet , perhaps re-homing to an outdoor environment is in its best interests. Cats Protection would advise.
In my view you have to put yourself and your dogs first and several other posts have given sound suggestions as to perhaps talking things over on neutral ground, or assisting them with alternative accommodation if they cannot bear to part with this damaged cat.
I feel for you all - the cat included as it is obviously very unhappy.

You have not said how long your relatives are going to be staying with you. I really sympathise with you.

It is your house. I don't quite understand whether your clothes are still in your closet, or the cat and your son's clothes. If the latter, let the cat ruin your son's clothes.

Take your own clothes out of the closet if they are yours.

You are far too kind and your relatives are taking too much advantage of you.

Seems relatively simple to me. Obtain large cardboard box cut out a 'door', add piece of old clothing, place in spare room along with cat toys/feathers. Then smear a little butter/cod liver oil on cat's paws and leave cat alone and in peace to groom itself and de-stress. Hopefully will calm the situation for your family as well. Good luck - hope it works for you.

Seems relatively simple to me. Obtain large cardboard box cut out a 'door', add piece of old clothing, place in spare room along with cat toys/feathers. Then smear a little butter/cod liver oil on cat's paws and leave cat alone and in peace to groom itself and de-stress. Hopefully will calm the situation for your family as well. Good luck - hope it works for you.

Ooops.

Jings - there is nothing wrong with your advice at all.

I say this as someone who when my partner's son and wife wanted to live with us temporarily once, said I would walk out if this were to happen.

Please do take the advice of Dharmacat about a possible medical cause for the aggression and take the cat to the vet with a full history of the behaviour. A feral cat would behave like that, but a healthy domestic one will not.

Cats do not have human emotions for all those who say the cat is `spiteful` . The cat is scared .

Rosabella

I wonder if the cat came originally from a rescue place?

If so it's a good chance that it may be semi feral, and that being the case is why it is not 'people friendly'

It will be scared stiff of everything.

I wonder if (and this may be something for the son and his wife to consider as it should be their expense) you should consider getting the cat a little place of it's own for the duration?

What I mean is something like a cattery shed with a place to hide away and a run attached in your garden?

When they are in the house they can take it upstairs and when they are out it can go into it's own domain with a capital 'D'

Everybody needs a place where they feel safe.

Best of luck

Oh.. and please stay.

I have been a member of industry - related boards where they eat you alive. This place is wonderful. We all have our own characters and without the mix of people and their personalities a forum would not work.

This place has been like a shot in the arm for me.

Cheers !

I tell you what , tell them all to clear off, stop fussing over dogs/cat and pretend you never suggested the idea in the first place.

Tegan - "You've already upset the OP jingle. Please back off now."

I would like to explain that I only "backed off" because I had something better to do. Like going out with my companionable daughter.

so shove it

Cats may or may not have "human" emotions, but they sure as hell have characters. And some of them are spiteful.

Seriously I would suggest the cat goes into a cattery for the duration. I'd even offer to pay. She/he/it would bwe much happier.

Poor cat! Poor dogs! Poor everyone.....whoever said that was spot on.

I m actually feeling sorry for the cat (and although I like cats I m not a great softy or 'over lover' I m not someone who calls them my ickle wickle fur baby) but its an indoor cat which I think is unnatural to start with no where to run, jump, scratch trees, climb walls, meet other cats It sounds as if it has a very poor cat life no way of socialising or learning how to behave with dogs other cats or even other humans although I m not doubting its had plenty of human care
I dont get the 'in the closet bit' do you mean its shut in a wardrobe ??? I hope not
I think the poor thing sounds as if it has had a life based around humans'needs and not what cats need hence it being pretty grumpy However I can see where it is incredibly awkward for you and I wouldnt want to put up with all this plus a new baby for many months .... As much as you want to help I think all this is over and above the call of duty and needs sorting unless they are in money troubles they should have rented maybe nearby so you can help when your sons away