Will I ever become a grandma?

jingl There would be no "tact or diplomacy" involved.
No, I thought not
Only joking

Some questions should never be asked - just much too personal and between the couple. Think, you are actually asking for too many details. Just be patient.

I think it would be all right if you were having a general conversation about the way life is going. Is she hoping for promotion at work, are they happy where they are or are they thinking about moving in the future? A mention of children could fit in quite naturally as long as it was from their point of view, rather than a "When am I going to be a granny?" approach.
DD was married for 10 years before she had a baby and I had presumed it wasn't on the radar at all. Then she waited another 6 years before she had another. Lucky I wasn't in a rush

Don't ask them! I found it incredibly annoying when either direct or veiled references were made to us about not having children in the 6 years after we married.

Grandchildren are like buses - you wait forever and then lots turn up. I was 61 when our first grandchild was born and was beginning to think it would never happen. Now at 69 I have three grandchildren by different sons and daughters-in-law and more on the horizon. Couples are waiting much longer to have families these days but sadly this isn't always such a good idea. My dh passed away 4 years ago and my son's mil a few months later, so the children have been deprived of two grandparents in one case, and one in another.

Is this a case of putting the cart before the horse?
It may seem odd, given that this is GRANSnet, but the focus should surely be on the couple and whether or not they want or are able to have children. Being a grandparent is a privilege and I would lie down in front of a bus for my DGC but, and this is a big but, we have no rights over what our children decide. If I am being honest, I think many family tensions arise from the perceived role of the grandparent((usually, but not exclusively grandma)
I hope OP is not obsessing about whether or not she will ever be a granny, for that is a worrying prospect. We have seen on other threads, members moaning because they are not allowed to babysit their grandchild, members who moan about a DIL (usually) whose only virtue was giving birth to to their grandchild, members who believe their DIL/SILs are jealous of the love their the DGC have for the GPs. Not a happy balance. Be happy if your childen are happy and respect their decision.
Just as some women find their role as mother entirely absorbing and their principal raison d'être, I suspect this can get passed on to being a grandma. A woman is surely more than a wife/mother/grandmother .

I wouldn't ask, however now that Im granny (which I love being), I often say, in a joking manner, 'It would be nice to have a little sister or brother for S...' My DD just groans and says 'No' very firmly, she is determined that one is enough

Alea, your views are very similar to mine and I do agree that this is not the first (nor no doubt the last) post in this vein. Family relationships are so delicate and knowing when to keep one's own council and stand well back is so important. Our children need to be the parents (or not) they want to be and its our job to let them discover that for themselves.
If its any comfort it does all generally work out well in the end ....as a newly pregnant Mum to be decades ago I can so very clearly remember a conversation I had with my darling Mum that must have wounded her at the time but she never said a word.
I think I said something along the lines of....'Mum please don't feel you can just step in whenever you feel like it...I really want to do this myself!!!! All said with the complete arrogance of youth. Little did I know that in a few months time I was going to be desperate for her help with support and childcare when my Ist husband took to the hills never to return.
Thankfully she just smiled sweetly (and wisely) and was there when I needed her without a touch of 'I told you so'.

etheltbags1 I think you should find something else to joke about.

jayneayressister and other like minded would-be grannies

It's up to your children to decide if they do or don't want children and whom they want to tell about their progress, especially if it involves medical intervention. If a DIL doesn't want to tell you about her IVF but will confide in her own family, so be it. Clearly jayne's son had his wife to talk to and men tend not to talk about such personal matters. If Jayne hasn't talked about it to her DIL how is she to know it's the DIL's problem? Often it's a combination of incompatability on both sides eg irregular periods + low sperm count. I agree with Pamega it's not appropriate for parents to ask their children about their plans for children.

I would be terribly hurt if my daughters couldn't or wouldn't talk to me about something so important. Having babies is not the taboo subject it was when I was young, women are telling the world and showing off their scans as soon as they know they're pregnant.
If they are having difficulty conceiving or have no intention of ever having children I think their close family should know, to avoid tactless comments and to support without, of course, prying or nagging.

farnorth as I know my daughter rather better than you, I would advise you to keep your remarks to yourself.

I can say things to her because we are very close, equally she says things such as, 'cant you find yourself a man' and I never take offence. I really depends upon the relationship that we have with our daughters whether we can talk about such subjects

My view is that you work on the assumption that you won't be a granny. Enjoy life and if eventually it happens then that's wonderful.

both my son's have told me they never want children & have said that since they were in their teens , DIL is of the same mindset so I'm not expecting any from that marriage DS1 still hasn't met anyone special so I'm waiting on that.

On the otherhand BFF & cousin were in their 40s before they had their first

I don't think you should ever ask. My DS and wife are now in their early forties and have none - they have casually commented a couple of times about 'if' they have children, so may or may not be trying / failing. I waited 6 years for my first after marrying, at a time when everyone got married and started a family immediately. I was always being asked by random people as well as close family when we were going to have one (as if it was all my choice and my fault!), and even told how unfair I was being to my DH. It really upset me. So I have been scrupulous about never asking, even with my DD who did have a miscarriage before her successful pregnancy. It didn't stop us talking about it together once the miss had happened though.

Please, don't ask. If they have problems conceiving they will tell you if they want to. If a grandchild comes along, that would be wonderful, but I would assume it is not on their agenda at the moment so as not to be disappointed, but don't give up hope, you never know. I have two friends whose children decided not to have children, but they both have a good relationship, with their children and partners.

I'm another 'please don't ask'. I still squirm at the memory of my father in law's unsubtle enquiries on the subject back in the Seventies.

I find it completely strange that so many of you feel you can't ask a simple question. I would certainly ask the question of my offspring but be aware they might not wish to answer and would accept that. I would probably only answer the question once because I wouldn't want to put any pressure on them and if they were having difficulty I would hope they could feel they could talk about it, especially as they know one of mine was ICSI, but I would leave that to their discretion. We are quite an open family and even my stepchildren feel able to discuss things openly as a general rule so maybe that is why I find it so strange that people think their family relationships are so fragile they can't ask.

icanhandthemback - try to be a little more tolerant of other families dynamics. The OP gave the impression that her family were more restrained about such matters and asked the question should she ask to help her cope. The impressions most of us got was of a family preferred to play their cards a little closer to their chest than the one you speak of and her need to know might do more harm than good.
There is nothing intrinsically wrong in discussing one's childrens' breeding habits with them if they are happy to do so....in this case they appeared (from the tenor of the OP) not to.

I agree icanhandthemback.

It's not "discussing their breeding habits"!!!!

One assumes they would do it in much the same way as the rest of us.

I wouldn't ask directly either, but would it be something you could casually say to your son's mother-in-law? (Not in their presence, of course). It could be that DIL has confided in her Mum, though don't expect any confidential secrets to be divulged.

nadirahangail.com/2016/05/25/mind-your-own-womb/ This says it all I think.

GillC - it does - thankyou for that.