Difficult discussion and I have to be the one to do it.

At least you know the right thing to do - so the only hard bit is saying it

I wouldn't even take the baby round - if she wants to see them she can visit them (and not smoke). Or maybe you could meet up somewhere close for a meal and then it won't be so much of an issue (although the clothes will still smell presumably :-( ) Even if your mum agreed not to smoke whilst you were there, the house will still smell and the poisonous chemicals will still be in the air.

MammaTJ

Does your DP smoke in your home? What will happen when the baby comes to your home? I know DP will smoke outside when they are there but if he smokes inside normally your house and his clothes will still be smoke "contaminated ", like DGM's.

Might be a nudge that will make him think about giving up. I do feel sorry for smokers because it is not easy to give up and many started when it was the norm.

I can remember being appalled at a programme about June Brown (actress in Eastenders) showing her and all her family, including her grandchildren, sitting around the table and she was practically chain smoking. OK, she has managed to live as long as she has despite heavy smoking but it affects people differently. I thought it was one of the most selfish acts, I'd seen, knowing what we know today. I don't envy you speaking to your mum but it has to be done.

MammaTJ what a relief for you that she agreed with you!

I wonder if there's a leaflet available about smoking around children? It would be handy to be able to give one to a smoker in these circumstances, or even just leaving it behind/around for the person to read on their own. Some people need more persuasion than others.

chrissyh I remember that too, it was Who Do You Think You Are?

Yes, I think it must affect people differently, as my DH's nana always smoked and lived to 96.

Jamilma, I heard an oncologist interviewed on the radio about lung cancer. She had never smoked and wouldn't advise any one to, of course. She did add that she believes lung cancer only occurs in people who have had a specific virus. She said her own mother is in her 90's and still smoking like a chimney.

As for smoking around children, I suspect I'm not alone on this forum in having grown up in a smoke filled atmosphere. Both my parents, all my aunts and uncles and all 4 grandparents smoked. I started smoking in my teens, stopped in my 20's and had a few relapses but I don't smoke now. I wouldn't allow anyone to smoke around my grandchildren and wouldn't want them taken to the homes of people who do smoke. We're all much more aware of the various risks to babies from passive smoking.

and the poisonous chemicals will still be in the air.

Let's not get too excitable.
Like Iam I grew up in a household of smokers, my mother smoked while she was pregnant, I weighed 5lb 4oz when I was born.
I'm now 66, 5'8" tall, BMI, blood sugar, blood lipids etc normal, and have never had a day's serious illness in my life.

So while smoking is an unpleasant, smelly habit and not to be encouraged, it does not leave 'poisonous chemicals' in the air for very long and I don't think it helps the anti-smoking argument to indulge in hyperbole

My second DH was a defiant smoker who said that nonsmokers should stay outside if they didn't like smoke! I was very worried when our first grandchild was born, as I didn't want a rift to appear in family relationships. However, soon after she was born he had an aortic aneurysm and would have died without emergency surgery, every cloud has a silver lining! he gave up smoking immediately and became the (almost) perfect husband and grandfather.

my granddaughter was the reason my husband stopped smoking. She was staying at ours overnight and had fallen asleep on the settee, i couldn't lift her to carry up stairs so husband did. Whilst i tucked her in bed and put on a lamp in case she woke to a strange room husband went downstairs. When i came down i couldn't find him then i realised he was in the garden. I went out to see what he was doing and he was on all fours gasping for breath. The act of carrying a small child upstairs had effectively made him gasp for air and it frightened him!!! A week later he had stopped smoking after being a heavy smoker for over over 45 years. I couldn't believe he had stopped and nearly two years later he hasn't touched another one. So proud of him and he says the annoying thing is he smoked all that time, spent all that money, for nothing as he obviously didn't need too, it was so easy for him to stop. Sadly he has now been told he has COPD and he still struggles to breath. I dread to think what the outcome would have been if he hadn't carried GD upstairs that night.