Difficult discussion and I have to be the one to do it.

The advice given to new mums I understand is not to pick up a baby for 15 minutes after having a cigarette, so toxins must linger on clothes. That is if you really must have a cigarette.

My gd's other gran is a smoker although she has never smoked while gd is present. However my dd called to see her one day before visiting me. When they arrived at my house the baby smelt like an old ash tray.

Yes I will tell her for you mamma

MammaTJ repeat after me
" Mum, you know you must not smoke anywhere in the house while the baby is here. This is non-negotiable(if necessary) "

Now learn this off by heart.
Nobody, but nobody should knowingly risk affecting a baby's health OR make the poor little mite smell of cigarette smoke.
As I said, non-negotiable.

I did it!! I rang her and said DD is concerned that you might smoke around baby, I hope you would go outside and the reply was 'I was thinking the same, we need to look after baby'. Well, this is a first. My youngest is 9 and we just kept visits short, as she was adamant that she could do what she liked in her own home!

Well done mammatj you must have adopted a suitably firm tone

Yes, well done you! So glad that it went well. xx

Perhaps all those adverts on the tv have got through as well.

Well done, what a relief.

Well done!

The trouble is smokers still have smoke smell in their system and on their clothes wherever they smoke. Standing near a heavy smoker is dreadful.

I know a number of relatives who grew up with parents who smoked and many of those children regularly had bad chests infections.

My parents did not smoke but I did on and off from about 16 but not really inhaling. It was "something to do with my hands" for about 8 yrs until I got a really bad chest infection for the very first time and decided to stop straight away.
The health issues of passive smoking was not really recognised or generally worried about until the 70s.
If someones clothes really stank of stale tobacco I would probably as politely as possible say so.

And they would probably, less politely, tell you you were talking garbage.

As others have said, just going outside isn't a cure-all, although definitely a step in the right direction.

Well done for raising the subject and getting some agreement, tho.

I am a non smoker but this all seems a bit extreme and paranoid . I understand the concerns about smoking near the baby but surely this lady could go into another room in HER house to smoke .
If a smoker comes to my house I get them to smoke under the kitchen extractor , some prefer to go outside .
Maybe if you have `a word` about it with her she may decide herself to not smoke in the house .
In the words of John Lennon " curse Sir Walter Raleigh , he was such a stupid get" but apparently according to research, Ciggies are harder to give up than Heroin !

Sorry , just read that she decided herself to not smoke near the baby . Panic over !

My DD was a smoker (pipe) and died aged 54 of cancer of the oesophagus. This didn't stop DB chain smoking and his house always reeked of tobacco. He died of lung cancer aged 68. We have just lost BiL to lung cancer at 71 (pipe) and it has taken a month to rid the bungalow of the smell. I haven't allowed anyone to smoke in my house for the past 40 years and can't understand how people don't make the link. I would not have taken my babies to a smoker's house. If they wanted to see the baby they had to make the journey to our house and also go outside for their fix.

PS. Well done MammaTJ (I see we have a similar name ).

www.babycentre.co.uk/x1048535/will-smoking-outside-protect-my-baby-from-second-hand-smoke
This article says it all about smoking round babies. Maybe you could meet in a cafe or other public building where smoking isn't allowed?

Well done.

But those who are concerned about the house and smokers, breath and clothes are right to be so. I use to run smoke stop groups and the thing that amazed the smokers when they gave up was that the places where they smoked and other smokers smelt so awful. They were cleaning the furniture and washing their clothes at the thought they smelt like that.

If you have a smoker in the home and a baby is visiting the minimum you can do is air the place before they arrive.

Lets be positive, this lady has made great progress.

Goood News about the grannie deciding for herself MammaTJ.
How often do we worry about an issue
that we have deal with and it all goes smoothly. A positive Sods Law that !

Both my parents and my parents-in-law died needlessly young and had miserable end years all because of fags-I detest them and what they do. However I do sympathise with smokers -I understand it's as addictive as heroin. BUT there can be no excuse now to smoke around children.
As others have said, can M not be invited to yours if she lives near enough? Or meet at a restaurant where she cannot smoke.
Her house will be full of toxins so wouldn't want children there in any event.
You would have to say it's a cause of great concern for the baby-and indeed every other non smoker there-so if she wants to see the baby it's her decision.

Missed previous replies-brilliant!

I think it's the responsibility of the mother to lay down the ground rules for her baby with your mother......... She is an adult after all!!

I agree Seadragon.

Set the ground rules as soon as possible. Suggest meeting the new baby in a neutral environment where smoking is not permitted, and use that as a starting point. She is too long in the habit to make any dramatic changes, but if circumstances dictate that smoking is not welcome she'll have to make a choice. You don't need to be wracked with guilt because of someone else's shortcomings.
Sometimes you need to be cruel to be kind.
Good luck.

To me this would not be a discussion. It would be an ultimatum. Its then up to her. My mob know the rules - you can smoke in the garden (no matter what the weather). The baby must come first.

Absolutely YES! No baby or child should ever be subjected to smoke!
When I had my first baby 51 years ago I instinctively knew at the age of 19 that my precious child should not and would not be in a smokey atmosphere.

We went to inlaws for Christmas when she was just three weeks old and because most of the family smoked in those days, I would not bring her down from our bedroom. If anyone wished to see her they came to our room. Needless to say, quite a few people were offended because at that time it was the norm for people to smoke around children.

My husband smoked for some years but never smoked around our five children. I would happily ban anyone from smoking around any child.

I am a lifetime non-smoker. Both parents smoked, and my mother was killed by lung cancer. I know you shouldn't smoke around children especially. HOWEVER it is this lady's house, and when you're in her house, it really is her rules. If the new parents aren't willing to allow their child to be near smoking then it is for them to decide whether to either ask the lady themselves to not smoke in the house while they are there, or to not go, and give a gentle explanation of why they aren't going. Who knows, the lady might decide it is worth smoking outside in order to see the new baby? Perhaps as as a non-parent, you will consider my opinion of no value, but from the other side of the wall, sometimes parents act with so much entitlement - the world doesn't revolve around you and your offspring, however much you might like to think it does.

My children very rarely take their children over their GGM house for that reason she smokes in her home and sees it as her right, however she is not allowed to smoke in my home since I gave up 6 years ago I won't allow it around the grandchildren. Be brave if she wants to see her great grandchild that's the conditions what's she gonna do put you over her knee and spank you h