Slightly puzzled and a bit sad

Yours affectionately,

Extremely tanned of Richmond, South Island.



Love from

Extremely pale of Cold Newcastle

In my career I spoke to many parents of children with autism . One mother sticks always in my mind. She was on a bus with her 10 year old who wanted to sit next to her and would not sit across the aisle. A 'helpful' adult thought she should take over and told him to stop being a baby and just to sit down.

The mum said sadly to me " Why do I have to go through life explaining that M... is autistic? Why can't he just be accepted for himself."

of the !!

glass They – whoever they are who do these things – have just published news that this year our part of New Zealand has had the hottest February temperatures ever recorded. It is a little cooler today and, apparently, will be tomorrow, then back up to the high twenties on Thursday, even though it is now officially autumn. Still many opportunities for going to the beach.

Yours affectionately,

Extremely tanned of Richmond, South Island.
P.s. I am not gloating – well, not much.

absent I can see it from both sides having an Autistic Nephew, not everyone is so welcoming though, but I am glad the boy found some pleasure with you.

splashing in the sea in February thats just not right you seem to be enjoying those DCG to the full.

jingl I wasn't trying to be important and fully understand that protecting their son was probably their priority, but I did think it was sad that not only did the dad apologise but the mum bothered to walk along the beach from where she had been sitting to make another apology.

I think, as gillybob says, it was simply a safety thing. They are probably trying to convince him not to be over friendly with any strangers. Sounds sensible to me. In this instance Absent you were just not important. I expect you can understand that.

I think sometimes parents are a little hard on themselves and unfortunately as the mother of a son who was diagnosed with add over twenty years ago when very little was known about it you come across so many intolerant people who are quick to judge your parenting skills that when you meet those that aren't it's a bit of a surprise and you don't really know how to react and apologize

The day after we got our sons diagnosis of Aspergers we went in to see the school senco 'special needs coordinator '. At only seven years old,She asked him what was wrong with him. His reply was I've got a bit of a headache! Silly woman. We always tell him 21 now there is nothing wrong with him the problem is other people.

As nan to 2 autistic boys,I would just say that there are a lot of misconceptions about autism..There is a wide spectrum from high-functioning Aspergers to severely autistic.The parents of this boy will undoubtedly have come across ignorance and prejudice towards him-this could be anything from people tutting because they think he is just naughty to outright hostility.
It is wonderful that this little boy felt that you were such warm,fun people that he wanted to join in!
The parents apologies may not just have been because of previous experience though.Autistic children grow into autistic adults and have to learn that there are socially acceptable and socially inappropriate behaviours.Sadly,this can mean curbing their sheer joy and delight sometimes.

As a parent of a 29yo autistic son I too can see it from both
points of view. My son can be very friendly towards strangers
but doesn't understand that many people are not as demonstrative as our family. It's just not logical to him!! He can get very upset when told to "s*d
off" which has happened on occasions over the years.

Perhaps the parents have just had the diagnosis and are still coming to terms with it. Sometimes something like this makes people withdraw into themselves and this may be why they failed to respond to your kindness. Hopefully your welcoming attitude will help them. You shouldn't feel distressed absent I am sure they will remember you and your affection for their son.

I sometimes wish there was a 'Like' button on GN...

Wherever the parents are in their "journey" - absent - hopefully they will remember that day as a nice experience along the road. Sadly there are far too many people who cannot accept, or even handle "differences" and you sound like the kind of person who can and does. The wee boy I am sure simply recognised a warm, caring, person when he saw one and knew you would not reject him. Sometimes children affected by autism see and KNOW a lot more than we do.

My nephew (who alas died in a car accident age 14) had this behaviour also, and was the sweetest of lovely people. (Still miss him every day, and he died 10 years ago!)

When he was a little boy, strangers were often surprised but happy if he'd attached himself to them, for the very few minutes before we found him. It was much less acceptable behaviour when instead of a little blonde angel, a hulking great teenager wanted to sit on your lap...

We never did manage to find the right words to persuade Philip that really it was only family who welcomed that kind of contact. For him, everyone loved him, his whole life.

Sorry nina, that was not an appropriate word to use, I agree. Apologies to you and anyone else who may have been upset by this. From absent's description he actually sounded a delightful child!

Indinana Speaking as a parent of someone with AS I'm not sure "troubled" is the appropriate description. My son is quiet happy in his own world ?.
I'm not offended, just saying.

What a sad story. Their reaction was probably based on experience, as others have said, but I think there was a big missed opportunity here. Such a pity they didn't recognise your kindness and willingness to accept their troubled son - you could have been a very welcome addition to their circle of friends.

Perhaps they weren't apologising but explaining his behaviour. We used to share the care of a little girl with autism and we often needed to explain her behaviour to other people particularly other parents. Some of them are sexually precocious even very young ones and need to be protected from strangers. Not nice people like you Absent

That was my first thought too, obi.

I hope the little lad remembers his time with you and your grandson, absent.

They may have had autism themselves.

Having an adult autistic son I can see both sides. A sad situation all round.

It sounds as though you gave him a lovely time absent.

BTW, Playing in the ocean at the end of February sounds like heaven.

Maybe the parents were worried that by "allowing" him to grab your hand and play Absent it might make him think that it was okay for him to do this with any stranger, which could obviously put the little boy at risk.

Sad though.