Situation vacant. URGENT!

DIY Central here, mission accomplished, ? next with bubbles and a book!

I don't want the job"......but will get it anyway

I am very good at this job, and fairly speedy. The problem is, that I cannot be released from my current position of Chief of Staff (Christmas) at this establishment.

My DH has just been rummaging through the gift bags we are taking to Scotland at the weekend, and has discovered no less than nine Christmas cards, unopened and not missed! The awful thing is, they are all from his family!

Regret that after years of training and work experience (now known as internships I believe) I am still unable to fulfil the remit. Consistently find dead tree still has small number of decorations when it reaches the outside area. A few decorations will remain under pieces of furniture and hidden in corners for almost 12 months and I am unable to guarantee the removal of all pine needles within the time frame(some from previous year will be found next Christmas). Perhaps after another 10 years training?

I'd love to apply, elaineg. Anything to get me away from the hell that is moving house and getting cleared up so DD can move into our old house next door.

Struggling isn't the word. I have very little energy left and everyone is soooooooo impatient.

The Waltons it isn't

Will also need to come back a week later to retrieve the various decorative items that were missed on 6th January. These also need to be crammed carefully stowed in the shrunken boxes, which you had already diligently put away in the loft. You could just throw the forgotten angels away, but they will be the ones your beloved gran gave you without which Christmas isn't Christmas.

Ah yes, subsidiary work. That could be spun out until next November.

You're forgetting the weekly vacuuming of breeding pine needles until March, Elegran

There are 364 days holiday entitlement (unpaid)

Are there opportunities for promotion?

Everybody knows there is a staffing crisis in the National Elf Service

If you find a house elf who can fulfil the job description, please share said elf's details as I suspect many of us could find him a day's employment on 6 Jan 2016

I would be very good at this job. Especially the bit where cards for Boots are still around in May. Yep, every year. And the ones to be kept, which usually get sort of poked in places like the bottom of the wardrobe, or one of the top boxes in the spare room, or an underbed drawer. Don't have one single place for these special things, so they just get forgotten, until I come across them, serendipitously, when looking for something else.
Can you please let me know what the rate of pay is?

Sorry, I only have experience with pretend trees.

❤ your posts elaine

No takers yet elaineg??!! I am surprised I suspect that those who have the best CVs are already employed in the above-mentioned duties

I love the smell of a natural tree but the pine needles stay around for ages!

Actually, it's very good. And all very true.

shrunk