I don't know what I am doing for Christmas

Tingaloo you are bound to feel down at a time like this you have a heck of a lot on your plate. Don't start feeling guilty for feeling upset or as you put it "sorry for yourself". (((hugs)))

(((Hugs))) tingaloo and I can only echo what pp have written.

I do agree with jings and granjura that your DDs could do with making sure you are ok for Christmas Day. If, for some acceptable reason they can't spend a little time at the hospital with you, they could offer to pay a taxi for you to make your day easier.

Or why haven't any of their in-laws had the wit to extend an invitation..... giving you the choice to accept it or go to be with dh.

Perhaps your dds have been very supportive albeit unavailable on Christmas Day, and it is just the combination of your dh being unwell, matters yet to be resolved, all in the middle of Christmas that has become a bit much, all at once.

I wish you a day that is surprisingly enjoyable. xx

Agree with those who have said to try and make the best of the day for yourself. Nice lunch, small bottle of wine, maybe one of those ready mixed gin and tonics? the staff will be very grateful to have an extra pair of hands around to serve lunch and drinks and hopefully you can make the best of the day for you and your DH, and there will be others there for you to chat to. I hate the term bed blockers, the only people responsible for this are those that have cut the provision of cottage hospitals/convalescent hospitals, and that wasn't you or your DH. On a slightly different note, are you hiding the extent of your DH's decline from your daughters? They need to know for you cannot deal with this situation on your own, it won't be to anyone's benefit if you make yourself ill. Tell them, and hopefully someone will at the very least help to share the day by driving you to and from the hospital; even if they are able to have a jolly day with their in-laws while you spend the day with the man you love who is also their Father. Thinking of you. x

Just cannot find the words to tell you how desperately sorry I am for you. How hard this must me, I cannot imagine. But I do believe jingle is right- talk to your daughters and let them know how lonely, worried and sad you are.

Or perhaps say which area you live in- maybe there is someone here who is also alone and could share part of Christmas day with her.

huge ((((hugs))))

Have you told your daughters how you feel tingaloo? Not that they should need telling. I am shocked quite honestly. How can they leave you in that situation? I think you need to talk to them.

tingaloo With what you are going through it is the most natural thing ever that you would feel a little bit sorry for yourself. I agree with what Stansgran said about being very very good to yourself on Christmas Day.

Of course you are exhausted, emotionally and physically.
Yes - Book a taxi for the journey to the hospital, it will drop you right at the door. Take some of the nicest sandwiches and treats you can find in M & S 'or any other good store ' Something nice to drink and yummy fruit. If you had two little bottles of drink and chill them really well, let one even just start to freeze, then you will have cool drinks for a while. Prepare yourself well for the day and set off with the attitude that you will enjoy yourself. Make a lovely basket/bag with your goodiies, wipes, any cutlery you might need, and have a little feast/picnic.

I think that other visitors on the ward may also be feeling a little fragile like yourself and may be glad to have someone to chat to. If you have nice chocolates to share with others it might be a good ice-breaker. Or a little slab of Christmas cake to share. A couple of magazines and a crossword if you like them, something to pass a little time. It may be that you get chatting with other visitors and the time just flies.

And I think that the staff will be understanding of your feelings and be doing their best to keep the atmosphere as light as possible.

When you are ready for home, ring for a taxi to take you right home with the least possible hassle. Or arrange a time with the taxi company for them to pick you up.

It is a sad time for you and hopefully you will be able to make it somewhat more enjoyable than you anticipate. xx

Hilda .... what about just knocking your neighbour's door and asking her directly if she would like to go over to you for Christmas dinner, that you and your dh would like her company. If she doesn't accept your offer for her own reasons, you will still have warmed her heart with your invitation.

tingaloo what a heartbreaking position to be in. My MiL is in a nursing home so I do recognise the guilt and grief you describe, much worse for you though. I think your entitled to feel as you do, it's so very sad and emotionally exhausting, all made worse by Christmas. I hope and am sure the staff will have a little extra time to chat to you. I do hope it turns out a little easier than you anticipate and that you experience a little of the Christmas spirit. ((((Hug))))

hilderjenni could you put a Christmas card through her letter box with an open invitation (your welcome if you'd like to come and keep me company.) sort of note.

Ting could you talk to the hospital staff about Christmas Day? It might help to know how they include families in the day. So sorry you are under so much pressure. Please rest when you can.

(several posts have appeared while I was typing - sorry if I've duplicated others' thoughts!)

Please don't feel a tiny bit sorry for yourself. Feel terribly sorry for your self as you've had a dreadful time. Book a taxi for Christmas Day to and from the hospital. Don't feel remotely guilty about bed blocking as the NHS should not have shut cottage hospitals where your DH should be in the interim. Your husband merits the bed as much as anyone. Get yourself a half bottle of champagne and go to M&S if there is one near and buy some nice nibbles and a few turkey sandwiches and some chocolate truffles and go in to the ward and share with your husband if you are able to. Be kind to yourself.

How kind you are hilda

I'm not surprised you're feeling down, tingaloo, what a sad situation to be in, especially at this time of year. Please don't worry about your DH being a 'bed-blocker', it's nobody's fault, least of all yours or his.

I'm actually quite shocked that neither of your daughters seems to have offered any sort of help on the day, long-standing arrangements or not.
Do try to take care of yourself somehow, is there anyone else who could share the visiting with you?

I was just about to post the same Luckygirl Wouldn't one of your DD's squeeze you in tingaloo

ting try to catch up on your much needed rest and then you won't feel so shaky and lost. You must be mentally and physically drained. Let the hospital take the strain, that's what they're for
Look after yourself too.

Oh tingaloo, I would love to have you here. It's going to be strange at my house too, but I won't be by myself, DH will be here. It's his only day off though. He is working on Boxing Day. There is a lady who lives opposite me, I've never spoken to her, but she is alone as her husband died suddenly last year. I would like to ask her to join us, but I don't know how to approach her.

Could you be fitted in along with DDs' in-laws? We will be celebrating with DD and her in-laws - a mixed blessing I feel! I will say no more!

I know that in hospital the staff try very hard to make it a happy day for patients, staff and relatives.

tingaloo you must be so tired. Do not think of your DH as a "bed blocker" - he is your DH who needs care at this time. Take yourself off to the hospital and enjoy the general celebrations there. It is tough I know - thinking of you.