Scams when people ask for advice

Food for thought, GK, and someone pointed out recently that an OP on here had posted on MN and was thought to be a scammer (spammer?).

Although the thought crossed my mind that 'S' could have recognised herself as the daughter in question therefore did know another side to the situation. .

Oh dear, this could be very relevant to GN member who has been in touch with BM and has referred to it on another thread.

Food for thought.
I think it is in most people's nature to offer suggestions or well-intentioned advice. Of course advice may not actually be what is wanted or indeed helpful. It may be the need to "vent", to get it off one's chest, a cry for sympathy , not necessarily help.
There have also been occasions on GN - and this is not a thread about a thread,- when a scenario has been presented, sympathy invited, helpful and thoughtful advice offered, but after a while the "story" has "grown", the emphasis changed, the time scale accelerated, the "facts" altered.
Somewhere along the line, alarm bells ring and we wonder if we have been had again.
Samaritans always give clients the benefit of the doubt, as do Gransnetters, even if we have been taken for a ride on the basis that the person may not have the problem exactly as presented, but probably still has a problem.

None of this goes against genuine predicaments, appeals for support or sympathy, but I agree, we should sometimes temper our kindness with a little caution, or at least, common sense.

May I just ask something ? Perhaps I'm being very naive, but why would someone initiate a cry for help about a problem, thus eliciting kind and helpful replies, then perhaps bring up additional problems, and for that to be some kind of scam? I'm puzzled why anyone would do that. I'm not an old hand on social media sites, in fact I've only ever seen gransnet. I have, however, seen lengthy problems outlined on OPs, prompting lots of advice and help. If these threads are not genuine, why would anyone do it?

In general people asking for 'advice' don't want that at all.

They only want to be reassured that the course of action they were planning is reasonable and that others would condone it. This is quite normal and we all do it.

It takes a very persuasive arguement or a clever piece of 'mirror holding' to make someone change their mind.

Bella the kind of person you are talking about is just a wind-up merchant.

You may well ask Bella, it can be a form of attention- seeking, or private fantasy. Or of course, mischief making, watching everybody tying themselves in knots trying to "offer" a solution.
One thread a year or so back sounded so much like the plot of a book, I wondered if the originator was a wannabe author trying it out on us!!

Or they have other psychological problems and are attention-seeking; why do some people (not on here, but you do read about them) claim to have a serious illness or even claim that their child has a serious illness when they do not?

I would prefer to give people the benefit of the doubt. Having worked as a SW I am only too aware that some people's lives are in a real tangle - "you couldn't make it up" being the most relevant comment sometimes!

There has been a recent example on here where the OP was angry about something and the rest of the posters told her she was being totally unreasonable - if she is to be believed she actually took this on board and moved forward in s new way.

I often wonder why some new posters wade straight in asking for advice before they've familiarised themselves with Gransnet members.

We're not agony aunts and most of us are only too happy to offer advice to eachother. in real life, however, I think I would be a bit taken aback if a total stranger asked me to comment on a personal problem.

Right. That's interesting. Thanks.

It may be that the anonymity of a site like this is exactly what someone needs.

I am wary of writing about intimate family details as I would hate the people involved to think I was talking about them.

Just what I was thinking Luckygirl
I also agree with merlot a little 'get to know you' on both sides first seems reasonable.

I am also amazed at how much personal information people are prepared to divulge on a public forum.

I agree with anya about people sometimes merely wanting reassurance about a course of action. You can usually spot those.
There's another aspect - someone once said to me "If you're asking the question, often you know the answer but haven't faced up to it yet". Very true!

Of course my question excludes long standing GNetters who seek advice from "virtual friends".

Grannyknot - I'm not sure what you mean by "scams", following a request for personal advice (either in a newspaper or on a forum.)

normally I would not post a problem but just drip feed in response to others in a getting to know you way.
I have a thread all of my own that has helped me put down in thoughts and to rationalise,clear my head and vent my sadness,anger and frustration,this support has been invaluble and everyones opinion has been so helpful,I find it easier to communicate by writing it down...apart from further comments,the thread will finish because no one can tell me,only I can make my decisions..now with a clearer picture in mind....sometimes I have contributed to troubled posters,I would hate to think that people where abusing the trust and kindness and support of peoples caring and generosity of spirit bless you all

Either that the stories are made up, embroidered, or that people are "trolls" or as someone said earlier, mischief makers who like to string people along. I also remember the instance where it seemed that someone was testing a book plot!

To me a scammer is a someone who is not being genuine in their motives, or who is a fraud (there may be other interpretations).

If anyone can think of a better word for what I'm trying to express, please jump in!

Which is a pity, isn't it, when another OP may be a genuine cry for help.
Is it 'spammer'
(not sure)

downtoearth

downtoearth that's different ... where long-standing posters seek advice from fellow GNetters. I wish you all the very best in resolving your current situation.

As Alea says it seems to me that GN is not without such posts.

There is a type of "help I have a problem post" that becomes familiar in its style (when you have been on GN for long enough) and it does makes you start to wonder how genuine the issue is.

I had never considered the veracity of some of the posts that occur from time to time. I do recall a few very lengthy ones by names I haven't seen before ( I've been on here 7 months). I will think a bit more carefully now.Obviously this is not the case with known gnetters, some of whom, I gather, have been on GN from the off. Many of whom, too, say that the site has greatly helped them through difficult times. These are people we alL "know" on other threads. It's sad, isn't it, that some one-off contributors launch into a saga about a possibly imaginary scenario? They are rather sad in themselves, or just outright jokers a bit like the 'which shoes?' "Granny".
Meanwhile, heartfelt good wishes to all the gnetters facing difficulties, and good to hear Downtoearth is getting some positive response from OH and GD. All our hugs must have helped.

"If you're asking the question, often you know the answer but haven't faced up to it yet"

GrannyKnot ... I know that I started a thread where that was exactly how I felt but 'talking' it through on GN helped me to face up to it.

Well, I didn't think 'S' 's response to Bel Mooney was rude at all
I agree with Roseq that it sounds as though S could have been the daughter in question.