Scams when people ask for advice

Tricia the impact of Facebook on your life is entirely up to you. You choose who you are 'friends' with and if someone annoys, bores or upsets you it is simple to 'unfriend' them. I have been on for years and never had to do any of the above as I don't have such people as 'friends'

Twitter has not been a problem either as I choose who to 'follow'. I suppose it is possible that someone unpleasant could take a dislike to me and send me nasty messages but as I am not a Sleb I think that very unlikely.

I think people are far too afraid of these sites. Of course the motivation for the young and vulnerable is different and I can see what the issues for them are but I doubt if anyone of us has anything to worry about.

Interestingly - I'm on a local Facebook mum's group, a closed group, therefore not public. Mostly the group is about offering 2nd hand baby gear for sale or which soft play centre is better than another. Sometimes people will write with alerts about having had their purse shoplifted etc.

One of the mums posted over the weekend about an incident that affected her teenage daughter, something quite serious that involved reporting it to the police. Lo and behold some of the detail that she divulged on the Closed Group has ended up in the local rag. So, either someone in the group has passed on (sold?) the info, or what is being surmised is that one of the mum members of the group may be a journalist on the local paper. Needless to say, much distress and anger as resulted.

Not to mention, I thought, possibly undermining the police investigation.

Speaking personally, I would be loathe to put anything here on Gransnet about my family problems (there are a fair few) not because I wouldn't value the responses from others but just in case my DD (who is completely techno savvy - and knows I'm on GN) would recognise the scenario/problem and either be p.....d off with me big time or, even worse, respond!!!! - not funny....

grannyknot Do not underestimate the number of people, including young people who have all the technology but do not know how to use it properly. I spent my working life, and in retirement, dealing with people's need for information and after the first 10 years ceased to be amazed at how many intelligent and educated people are quite incapable of finding out quite basic information for themselves (that group includes some close friends).

DS is a lecturer at one of our top Russell Group universities. They run courses for undergraduate students to teach them how to find information online and validate that information when they find it. Not all students need this help, but a significant number do.

The problem lies not with using the computer, but what comes before. Defining exactly what you need to know; drawing up and then refining the search terms to be used and then evaluating the data that comes out. It is amazing just how poor people are at doing all this.

Thank you for the definition, Grannyknot which is exactly what I meant when I said 'troll'.
It is so unfair on posters who are seeking advice from other Gnetters when they have a genuine problem that is upsetting them.

For the record, I had/have no idea that the BM article may or may not also be on GN. When I said that something I read in it seemed familiar it was in a general sense 're problems that are posted on GN threads.

It is impossible to read all the threads on GN, e.g. I never go near the "Cut out of their lives" threads, because I wouldn't have anything to contribute other than to express sympathy.

That's me definitely out of here now thanks.

This is a very relelvant subject in the kind of world we live in, where personal info is given online, especially in places like facebook, twitter etc. And most of us have seen what disruptions those can lead to. I won't join either of those. Who knows who is reading them and ready to comment and cause trouble?
So God forbid Gransnet could suffer from the same problems, but it could happen.
eg I have an ongoing family problem for which I'm sure I would get good advice on here, and no-one else to turn to, but I'm "holding my tongue" . There could be other people on here who recognise the situation.

Gosh Maggie I had no idea someone had been that upfront. Probably missed that thread. Of course that puts a different aspect to it but I suspect that most posters were as ignorant of that as I was. Sorry.

But the letter sent to BM was written by the GN member annsixty referred to, and she is convinced that the published reply is from her DD. Which is more directly personal than being just generally affected by a subject under discussion. I'm sure no upset was meant, GK, and I don't know whether any has been caused, but I just wanted to flag up the issue again, so that posters can be aware.

I would hope so nonnie and thank you.

Surely GK whoever is upset by this topic must understand that it was not directed at them? There are subjects on here, on the radio, in the papers etc which I find upsetting because of what has happened to me but I would not blame the person speaking or writing for that. What hurts is what I have been through and if whatever it is becomes too upsetting I take myself away from it.

maggie This thread was not started to cause anyone any upset, nor is it personal to anyone else. It has been made clear many times that what is being referred to on this thread are long, complex posts from new, unknown posters, and where on occasion GNHQ have had to intervene and delete replies.

Any thread where a longstanding member of GN is asking for advice and interacting with other Gransnetters in an ongoing discussion is a different matter altogether, and I would hope that would be understood.

Anyway, I shan't post on this thread again as you have made it clear to me that it has unintentionally caused an upset to someone.

As annsixty flagged up long ago, this issue is very personal to (and very upsetting for) a fellow GNer.

monica I think there are many people in deep trouble, who have no one to turn to, who do not know where to go to seek help who will, in this day and age, look online for help ... I'm not sure that people don't know where to go to seek help "in this day and age" (as you say), there is so much information out there nowadays. I'd think that posting as a "newbie" on Gransnet, which is an open and public forum and having an entire group of strangers all give me their opinion regarding a scenario where they cannot possibly have the whole picture, would not be the obvious choice.

I was searching for something the other day in the course of my work, and I discovered that you can - for free - have a "Live Chat" with a counselor on the Relate website. That's a wonderful service.

The person who replied to BM giving the other side of the story, so to speak, could be any DIL who is having a similar problem with her MIL. It would be a huge coincidence if it is was daughter of the woman who wrote in IMHO.

Here's the definition rose, I don't think it's bad.

In Internet slang a "troll" is a person who sows discord on the Internet by starting arguments or upsetting people, by posting inflammatory, extraneous, or off-topic messages in an online community (such as a newsgroup, forum, chat room, or blog) with the deliberate intent of provoking readers into an emotional response or of otherwise disrupting normal on-topic discussion (often for their own amusement).

Oh wash your mouth out with soap and water!! The "t" word
Oh, I thought GK (was it GK) was asking what these non-genuine people were called - were they known as scammers?
I suggested 'spammers' then i remembered that word - is it bad?

I think it possible that some apparent new posters may have been reading GN for some time before they pluck up the courage to post but of course some may be coming on in a desperate plea for help.

I do think some simply poor out their hearts without thinking too deeply but that is not necessarily a problem is it?

I can think of two recent incidences when posters came on and said their piece and got lots of sympathy but then when readers looked more deeply into what was being said and asked perseptive questions all was not as at first appeared. It is possibly that such people are using GN to get 'proof' that they are 'right' to use against the person they are complaining about. Indeed once one thought she had been discovered she got HQ to remove the whole post which would seem to indicate guilt.

I prefer to read the post carefully and if I can offer anything valuable do so. If I can only offer sympathy I do that too but if I feel I have nothing useful to say I steer clear.

Good post Mûnica

I think there are many people in deep trouble, who have no one to turn to, who do not know where to go to seek help who will, in this day and age, look online for help and a forum with a name like 'Gransnet' sounds welcoming and sympathetic - and I think generally we are. You do not see on Gransnet those hate and expletive filled responses you sometimes see on other forums.

We often give practical help and advice, I forget how many times responders have been referred OPs to CAB, Age UK, ALAnon and a myriad other sources of help that the OP seemed unaware could help her. I also think people use the anonymity, a forum name gives them to seek help where they are unlikely to be recognised or followed by family and when they have exhausted/rejected/accepted our help, never accesses the forum again.

There were in early days various posts that one suspected came from the media or others looking for an easy story about the unforgiving, old-fashioned or entrenched in the past attitudes of older people. However since the responses the problems posted got were sympathetic, understanding and excluded all the responses the media trawler seemed to be looking for, these posts died out after a couple of months.

Most agony aunts have a loy of experience in dealing with people's problems and have an extnsive network of specialists and interest groups they seek advice from. The problems they deal with, though often based on one persons problem, are stripped of all corrobaitive detail and home in to the main problem. They choose problems that they know will mirror the problems of many readers lives and their responses do not automatically assume the writer of the problem is in the right and they are as likely in their response to be telling the writer that they are behaving unreasonably as to support them. The fact that one specific problem mirrored the exerience of a reader, from the other side of the problem does not necessarily mean that the writer was in their family. The fact that the agony aunt printed the letter showed her openess to another interpretation.

I enjoy reading agony aunts. There is, I know, an element of shadenfreude about it, but I have learnt a lot about standing back and thinking through other people's problems before offering advice or otherwise. It has made me far more nuanced in my attitude to other people and their lives.

Only just got back to this (no WiFi from lunch time yesterday). Thanks for all the comments.

Oh wash your mouth out with soap and water!! The "t" word

Trolls?

I see, Grannyknot. I seem to remember a few threads where the first poster asks for help for a personal problem, is given lots of support and advice. Only to re-appear a few months later with exactly the same complaint.
I tend to think of scams as online conmen trying to get money from gullible people. There's a lot of it on sales websites, like leboncoin. Our friends nearly got taken in when trying to buy a van, nearly parted with a lot of money.

Well, I didn't think 'S' 's response to Bel Mooney was rude at all
I agree with Roseq that it sounds as though S could have been the daughter in question.

"If you're asking the question, often you know the answer but haven't faced up to it yet"

GrannyKnot ... I know that I started a thread where that was exactly how I felt but 'talking' it through on GN helped me to face up to it.