would you move your parent in

apricot when my father moved in with us, we simply left his house empty to see if his mobility improved. I was lucky, I lived in quite a big house and he was able to move into a ground floor dining-room that had been intended to be a playroom for my baby daughter. There was room to eat in the kitchen so it wasn't too big a problem, and it was next to the downstairs bathroom. It was a good job we hadn't sold it, as he did go back to it, but I too have known someone sell his home to build an annexe, only to have his son announce that he wanted to move for work and that the new area would be too expensive to find enough space for the father! He went to live with his sister. I found it very sad.

Although I would be happy to live in an annex with my own front door next to any of my children I wouldn't want to move in with them, share their kitchen and living space, take away their privacy. Neither would I want to have to either move with the family as the chased jobs, or be passed around from one offspring to another like Jill in the Archers.

When my father died my mother who is wheel chair bound was left alone. My brother and I arranged for her to have a 24/7 carer living in. This worked well for 6 years but then we reached the point where one carer was not enough and I had to visit several times a day to assist with lifting. Mum was confined to her bedroom because she could no longer use the stair lift. Her quality of life was very poor. We then arranged for her to go into a care home. She didn't want to go but accepted the situation. After a few days she started to improve and was healthier and happier than she'd been for a long time. They have lifting equipment which Mum is happy with, a lovely room overlooking the garden. We can now wheel her around the town and when she sees people she knows she brags about where she now lives. We are amazed and relieved - long may it continue. I hope this helps someone because we agonised over this.

I am never very impressed with being told that those from other cultures look after their parents- when you actually come to read some of the personal stories the parents can have very unhappy lives.
We did think of having a granny annex for my mother but luckily she rejected it because it would have left her isolated and dependent on us,whereas she has a flat in sheltered housing with communal lounge and lots of people to talk to and different activities if she wants them.

The assumption that family life in cultures where several generations share a home is all sweetness and light isn't always the case is it.

My lovely mum in law was given end of life funding (i.e. 3 months expected and that's what happened) We lived at the other end of the country to each other. she steadfastly refused to come and live with us. She'd cared for her own mother and said she didn't want to inflict the stress on us or our relationship. The compromise we reached was to find an excellent nursing home 15 mins away from where we live and close to her grandchildren. She had regular daily visitors and enjoyed this, as we did.

I wouldn't want to live with my children, much as I love them and despite the fact we all get on very well. I'd live next door though, with our own front doors and the privacy that families need.

We have a beautiful care home not far away, its grounds go down to the riverside and lots of people go for walks on the far banks, so always something going on. It's shallow and you can watch the children playing in it during the summer. It's only a two minute walk to the teeny town centre, three minutes to either the mobility shop, Boots bank or whatever.

I wish I could move in, let alone pop my mother in there!