Regrets - I've had a few - million...

Do you think it's the weather/nights drawing in etc? If it's any consolation I'm in totally negative mode and, to make things worse I've just eaten a load of jam tarts [the only 'bad' food in the house I could find to 'punish' myself with].

...so the only words of wisdom are 'at least you haven't eaten a pack of jam tarts'....

Well, you must have got lots of things right, so well done! I have to keep reminding myself that there are plenty of good things in my life too.
Perhaps it's part of growing older, that we start looking backwards more.

Having regrets is just human nature. Nobody's perfect.

I've made loads of mistakes - still making them. I tell negative thoughts to sod off.....They don't change anything.

I have yet to meet anyone of any age that didn't have regrets over something they had done. Throughout our lives on a day to day basis we make decisions large and small and some we get so right and others we get so wrong.

Every time you get a negative thought balance it by recalling a time you got it right. Unless you are one of thlse people who can be guaranteed always to make the wrong decision (and people like that, like dear FiL are usually blissfully unaware that this is what they have done), every bad decision you later regrettes will be balanced by an equal good decision you are thankful for.

Either way there is nothing you can do about it now, shrug your shoulderfs and think of something nice, even if it just tea and a biscuit mid-morning.

Sorry about the typos, just been out for a meal to celebrate DH's birthday and I looked on the wine (well actually I drank it) when it was red.

The difficulty is that at our age we are (or at least I am) beginning to be more and more aware of our gradually increasing physical limitations, some at a greater speed than others. And then we/I start thinking about all the things I used to be able to do easily but can no longer - at least not without difficulty.

So.....what to do? Feel regretful/angry/sad? - or find those things that you can still do well and concentrate on those, or find new things to enjoy.

I am not as fit as I was and my regret is that when I was fit I did not really appreciate it - did not realise how quickly it would fly away!

But.......I am able to do lots of things now that I enjoy, and some things that I would never have had time for previously. They are things that do not require physical fitness: quilting, reading, singing, running a singing group, reading to my DGC etc.etc.

We have all done things or not done things that we regret - but life and we are not perfect - no-one is, no life is. Please come down from "up the wall" Teetime and just remember that other people look as if they have perfect lives and that only you have messed up - but we are all in the same boat without a doubt, so there is strength in numbers!!

The people who do best in old age are those who keep an active interest in the world, be it learning a language (my FIL was learning Spanish at the age of 92!), reading all those books you did not have time for before, vegging out in front of daytime TV - whatever ticks boxes for you. D them with relish!

You are not alone!!!

Do!

There was a news item last week saying that people who were grateful for all the good things in their lives lived longer than those who only dwelt on their mistakes.

I only have one regret really and it's quite new. I regret not learning sooner to accept something the way it is. I realised I have spent most of my life overthinking things and I was very sad to discover this because it meant that I was the cause of much of my own unhappiness.

It doesn't mean I will stop questioning anything, just that I will try to stop myself second guessing what I am told and just accept it more often.

Not sure if I have explained this very well, but maybe it will strike a cord for someone.

PS I have been at the cookies tonight!

Teetime I know exactly what you mean - I quite often feel the same.

Sorry, I haven't got any words of wisdom. I wish I had.

I don't think I have ever had words of wisdom, but I like hearing from others.

I've made mistakes in my life, often, just like everyone else. I sometimes reflect on them, but do I regret them? Not really. I think "It is what it is" and I get on with life. My life, with all the lucks that I've had too.

I've got a friend who says "I've learnt so much from my mistakes, I think I'll make a few more".

and to you teetime

I too like the rest of us have regrets. For example my parents sent me to a fee paying school, they had to scrape the money together to pay the fees. In my ignorance I thought that all parents did this. I didn't work hard and left with no qualifications.

My parents then paid for me to go to secretarial college which was slightly more successful.

After they died I made a concerted effort to return to learning and finally went to University and went into teaching adults.

I bitterly regret that they didn't see my success. If there is a next world that is one of my first topics of conversation.

I feel for you Teetime

No words of wisdom from me either Teetime but have a (((hug))) instead.

I know exactly how you feel Teetime my mind is always racing with "thoughts" mostly in the middle of the night and almost always negative ones. I try telling myself that I have things to be happy and positive about, like My DH and my DGC but somehow all of the demons seem to come out at night. Recently losing my grandma (who was a very positive person in my life) has made things seem so much worse and I can't (or perhaps don't want to) see anything good ahead.

One positive thing that happened yesterday at my grandmas funeral was that I met a lady who I'd didn't even know existed. She was the youngest daughter of my late grandad's only natural brother ( he had 11 step brothers and sisters but only one full brother) we hit it off straight away, sharing memories and stories, we exchanged phone numbers too. So out of something bad can come something good.

I hope you don't think I am trying to hijack your thread Teetime I just wanted to share this with you.

I read once,"That,we cannot change,we must endure,"
Think of it,but try not to dwell on it,(says me,who don't sleep,because of all the things going round in my mind) Nobody gets it right all the time,sometimes we do the wrong things,but for the right reasons.

There are things I could or should have done and I sometimes feel a bit wistful about these, for example, not studying languages. Then I think about my sons and their children and know there is nothing to regret.

I think most people have done something in their lives they have lived to regret, not much you can do about it now, except I think, be pleased with what you have achieved and just try to get on with life and perhaps not do anything that you will regret - but we can all be clever with hind-sight.

Teetime I can assure you you are not the only one. I have been feeling that way for some time now. I keep kicking myself to stop it, but it takes some doing.

As Luckygirl has said, with me it's a lot to do with my various physical failings and being aware of the stuff I am having difficulty doing without pain.

What ever you do don't start feeling guilty about feeling so negative.

gillybob "all of the demons seem to come out at night"! Oh don't they just?
Often I wake absolutely rigid with fear and anxiety. It doesn't matter how often you tell yourself that it will be alright in the end, the negative thoughts always seem to win in the night.

I'm glad something so positive came from your grandma's funeral

Thank you all this is really helpful. Its a strange thing to say but it helps to know I'm not the only one thinking this way and perhaps it is in the nature of getting older to look back more than looking forward. I'm sorry that some people are saying they are also having difficult thoughts and of course we made some really good decisions and we should concentrate on those instead of if only.......So I hope you will all have a really positive day, the sun is shining here so I will shrug off the pre winter blues and go and make an fool of myself on the golf course and try not to think about if I had married a very rich man (as many of them did but I bet they haven't got what Mr Teetime's got) I wouldn't have had to go to work I could have taken up golf much earlier and play much better than I do today.