Regrets - I've had a few - million...

I have gone through the autumn of my life and am now well into the winter. But do you know it's not so bad!! DH has Alzheimer's but is very healthy as am I although my movement about is not good and I never thought I would get used to being without a car , but I have and thank whoever for my bus pass,. We have a good pension income which enables us to get help in the house and the garden and we enjoy a decent standard of living. The debit side is that we don't go on holiday anymore but we've done that in the past, and I have the memories although DH doesn't . I don't want to sound like Pollyanna but we must look at the positive in everything.

I ate the jam tarts because I was feeling miserable and didn't eat them knowing they would cheer me up but that they would make me feel more miserable. That was the problem, roses, and probably the reason why I've yo yo dieted most of my life. I can't eat one or two jam tarts, I have to either not keep them in the house or eat the whole lot . They were only in the freezer because I used to buy them for my grandson when he came round.

I think we all wonder about that Stansgran!
My Grandma used to say 'do your best and leave the rest' in a very smug complacent way, and she never did her best at anything.However, it's not bad as maxims go is it?
Why do so many women feel bad about a few jam tarts or similar?I have just had a cup of tea and a big slice of plum and apple tart with cream, it was yummy, I never feel guilty about enjoying anything.
cheer up Teetime, and we are all wondering now what Mr Teetime has got....
do tell.

I met up with an old friend. We had met at kindergarten so known each other for 65 years. She had decided never to have children and her husband went along with that. I brought a dozen or so pictures of family. She brought a dozen or more pictures of her beautiful house. I wondered how much happier I would have been without all the sorrow and worry a family brings.

Bellanonna reading your comment about IT and it made giggle because I remember long ago when IT used to be about doing it - SEX! [GRIN]

Seriously though, the one thing about any regrets I have is that I never did anything to deliberately hurt someone. I can live with that.

kitty I thought in my 50's that retirement would be the beginning of the end and I put it off until fate stepped in and I had no choice.

But actually it was a new beginning. It took a little getting used to but now there is something to enjoy every day. I hope it works out for you too.

That's OK Bella a little bit of humour never goes amiss.

I hope this doesn't bring a slapstick note to a serious thread but I puzzled for a while over your IT, which I thought was an emphasised 'it', then realised you meant computer stuff.

Those who have never made a mistake have never made anything. The more mistakes you have made the more things you have tried so well done all who have made loads of mistakes.

I was known to be very good at IT and always said it was because I had made so many mistakes I had learnt how to sort it out. What I am trying to say is that for every mistake there is some sort of learning gained.

I think it is the AA prayer (no never been!) that goes something along the lines of
'Give me the courage to change the things I can change and to change the things I can change and the wisdom the know the difference.'

I often think of that when I look back and wonder how things could have been different and recognise that there is nothing I can do to change what has gone so forget about it.

I also try to think everyday of things I am grateful for. I think that helps too.

You both have put it so well. I have started a thread about DH retiring (again) and how I feel that it signals the beginning of the end. I should reflect on how lucky we are to have got to this stage unlike lots of others.

downtoearth you put it so well. I've been feeling like that too, that time rushes by too quickly, how much longer have we got etc, but I had some sad news the other day which made me realise that for some, the autumn of their lives will never come, as I know you know only too well. x

Oops anno I rather inferred from your post at 8.03 that you regretted not learning languages. Clearly not the case ! I'm sorry

Hope you are feeling more positive today. Hindsight is a wonderful thing! If only we knew then what we know now, how our lives would be changed.

Trite sayings, I know, but we can only do what we think is appropriate at the time. Like many others I often wish I had made different choices in the past and in years to come will feel the same about choices made now.

It is hard not to reflect on the past, I also do it, mostly around 2.30 am!

You are not alone. Hope today's sunshine is making you feel better.

x

Bellanonna, I have attended countless language classes but as soon as the OU started language courses, I was one of the first to enrol on the French diploma course. I'd been taught very well at school and had no trouble with the grammar, so took to it like the proverbial duck. The summer schools at Caen were the icing on the cake. We did start a U3A French group but this turned into a beginners' class, so two of us who had done the OU course opted out. I have a smattering of Spanish, enough to get by on holiday, and a few words of German. And Swahili remains from my five years in Africa.

teetime you sound more positive already and it helps to know you are not alone. You can't alter what's been so it's just look to the future and do the things you CAN do. We all have a limited future now, me probably a bit more than some, age wise, so plan for that and don't dwell on the past. I could have done many thing better. So what ? I've also got a lot of it right. I tend to dwell more on day to day minutiae and as has been said this strikes at night. Maybe to do with family, something I've said, or they've said, but it always feels ok next day.
gillybob that's wonderful.
anno why regret not learning a language ? In my German class there are two people in their mid eighties proving it's never too late. I wouldn't recommend German, but you could join a French or Spanish class if U3A is convenient to you, or an evening class.
teetime. Hope it feels better to know we all get these negative thoughts.I also agree with Tegan that the time of year doesn't help. More darkness and more time to sit inside and feel negative. Here's to a new beginning for you

I have a sense of time passing quickly,the Autumn of my life rapidly hurtling to Winter,without me having the time to enjoy my Autumn,I am still coping with things started off in the late summer of my life,which have a massive impact on now,and therefore restricted in everything I do,do I regret this ...no or I wouldnt be able to face myself in the mirror and have my beautiful resident teenager with me,but have a sense of time passing and when people say..normally those much younger....it will soon pass,....yes it will.....but I will never have this time again,and how much longer will I be able to do the things I would like,and have the rapidly diminishing energy to do them...that's my 2am heebie jeebies...its been good to get that off my chest as DOH being much younger can only empathise and I find it hard to verbalise my feelings and thoughts without making a mess of it and going round the houses never reaching where I am going.....hope you feeling better teetime and also the rest of you xx

We do, we'll sort of, it's more like and for those who like to snuggle into their jimjams in front of the telly,
Awaiting the return of the and the

I think what this website needs is a big communal pot of prozac that we can all dib into as the need takes us, when the dark days come along.

Thank you all this is really helpful. Its a strange thing to say but it helps to know I'm not the only one thinking this way and perhaps it is in the nature of getting older to look back more than looking forward. I'm sorry that some people are saying they are also having difficult thoughts and of course we made some really good decisions and we should concentrate on those instead of if only.......So I hope you will all have a really positive day, the sun is shining here so I will shrug off the pre winter blues and go and make an fool of myself on the golf course and try not to think about if I had married a very rich man (as many of them did but I bet they haven't got what Mr Teetime's got) I wouldn't have had to go to work I could have taken up golf much earlier and play much better than I do today.

gillybob "all of the demons seem to come out at night"! Oh don't they just?
Often I wake absolutely rigid with fear and anxiety. It doesn't matter how often you tell yourself that it will be alright in the end, the negative thoughts always seem to win in the night.

I'm glad something so positive came from your grandma's funeral

Teetime I can assure you you are not the only one. I have been feeling that way for some time now. I keep kicking myself to stop it, but it takes some doing.

As Luckygirl has said, with me it's a lot to do with my various physical failings and being aware of the stuff I am having difficulty doing without pain.

What ever you do don't start feeling guilty about feeling so negative.

I think most people have done something in their lives they have lived to regret, not much you can do about it now, except I think, be pleased with what you have achieved and just try to get on with life and perhaps not do anything that you will regret - but we can all be clever with hind-sight.

There are things I could or should have done and I sometimes feel a bit wistful about these, for example, not studying languages. Then I think about my sons and their children and know there is nothing to regret.

I read once,"That,we cannot change,we must endure,"
Think of it,but try not to dwell on it,(says me,who don't sleep,because of all the things going round in my mind) Nobody gets it right all the time,sometimes we do the wrong things,but for the right reasons.

I know exactly how you feel Teetime my mind is always racing with "thoughts" mostly in the middle of the night and almost always negative ones. I try telling myself that I have things to be happy and positive about, like My DH and my DGC but somehow all of the demons seem to come out at night. Recently losing my grandma (who was a very positive person in my life) has made things seem so much worse and I can't (or perhaps don't want to) see anything good ahead.

One positive thing that happened yesterday at my grandmas funeral was that I met a lady who I'd didn't even know existed. She was the youngest daughter of my late grandad's only natural brother ( he had 11 step brothers and sisters but only one full brother) we hit it off straight away, sharing memories and stories, we exchanged phone numbers too. So out of something bad can come something good.

I hope you don't think I am trying to hijack your thread Teetime I just wanted to share this with you.