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Mrs, Miss or Ms

(208 Posts)
Leticia Sat 08-Aug-15 08:50:06

Which are you?
I am Mrs and can't stand Ms, but militant feminists think I am a disgrace to womanhood; apparently we can't be equal to men while we have a title that shows marital status and they don't.
I am all for free choice and using people's preferred title.
What is your opinion?

Pamish Tue 11-Aug-15 00:40:45

Mx. A title for all marital states, ages and sexes. If we have to have a title, this will do. I came across this for real today for the first time when buying online postage, and it was useful as I did not know the person I was sending stuff to, and could not leave the box blank. So big up the Post Office for latching onto this.

Mr Mrs etc are only 'titles' that distinguish us from the aristocracy, so isn't it time they were dropped?
.

absent Tue 11-Aug-15 00:57:40

It's not just descendants 200 years down the line who might have problems. When I was applying for New Zealand residency I had to show that absentdaughter was at the centre of my family.

My current name (also my maiden name): Ms absent
My former name: Mrs Firsthusband
Daughter's name on birth certificate: Christianname Firsthusband

I divorced, married again (much later) and resumed my maiden name of Ms absent, which I had always continued to use professionally

Meanwhile, absentdaughter married and legally changed her first name, so she became: NewChristianname Newhusbandname

They subsequently divorced and she married for a second time. She became: NewChristianname Secondhusbandname

Producing the documentation to prove that absentdaughter with various names that do not match my name(s) or that of her stepfather (and nor of course did mine) is at the centre of my family was something of a mission.
[Phew emotion]

grannyzanny Tue 11-Aug-15 02:03:16

I agree with you Pamish ....drop the 'titles', they're old fashioned. I don't bother with Mrs unless I'm filling in something official.

rubylady Tue 11-Aug-15 02:26:27

I have tried to use Ms (divorced 14 years now) but didn't like it so choose to use Miss because I prefer it to the other options.

I also kept my married name because it is my mother's maiden name so my maternal grandma and grandad were called my married name too so my mum was named my name as a child/young woman, so was my auntie so I am still named after that half of my family. Plus it kept me and the children with all the same name although not really needed very soon when DS leaves home. Unbeleivably really, even though my DD doesn't talk to me or her father, she is going for a double barrelled name on her marriage next month and has done for her children already. confused

Leticia Tue 11-Aug-15 06:34:42

I would much prefer to drop them altogether. It is very rare that I use it.
The only need that I can see is for children in school.
I generally go by for weeks without having to use it.

FarNorth Tue 11-Aug-15 07:50:53

Members of the Religious Society of Friends (Quakers), founded 1652 never used titles.
"Quaker children tend to refer to adults by name, and at Quaker educational institutions it is common to call teachers by first name."
quakermythbusters.org/Quakers_dont_use_titles.html

nannymeryl Tue 11-Aug-15 08:00:25

I never used my husband's surname when I got married 30 odd years ago. I use Ms, but agree that it's down to individual preference.
I've noticed that you get called Mrs ….. anyway once you're over a certain age!

Indinana Tue 11-Aug-15 10:28:06

I wonder if in time all of these titles will fade into obscurity? If you think back a hundred years or so it was fairly 'normal' for the term 'cousin' to be used as a form of address, e.g. "Good morning Cousin Elizabeth, you are looking well". Brother and Sister were also once used as forms of address, perhaps not followed by the given name, but as a stand alone. These uses have long since disappeared.

More recently I have noticed increasingly that families are dropping the terms 'Aunt' and 'Uncle' as forms of address. In my immediate family the GC tend to use just the first names when talking to their aunts and uncles; when my children were little they dropped these titles in their mid-teens. My DH and I, on the other hand, used the formal address Aunt(y) and Uncle well into adulthood.

MaryXYX Tue 11-Aug-15 15:12:41

I've had some feedback from female friends who are in relationships with other females.

One always uses Dr (that's cheating).
One uses Dr whenever possible, otherwise Ms.
One refuses whenever possible as she is a Quaker, but uses Ms if necessary. She and her prospective wife intend to continue to be Ms.

A young man I rather fancy addresses all older women apart from his mother as Auntie.

Shpat70 Tue 11-Aug-15 16:43:35

I have been Mrs for nearly 50 years and I cannot see the need for Ms. It seems such a non title. Why can't we be proud of being Miss or Mrs.
I'm sure continental women are satisfied with Mademoiselle or Madam, for example.i have just asked a Spanish friend and she agrees.

Luckylegs9 Tue 11-Aug-15 17:05:43

What happens when you are the daughter of a two barrelled surname, do you have three surnames? Then four when a granddaughter marries. I cannot understand why you cannot take husband's surname it doesn't make you less of a liberated woman. You could if you wish retain you original surname for work purposes. So much easier for any children that come along. I am a widow but kept my surname for practical reasons and because I wanted to as I am used to it.

Elrel Tue 11-Aug-15 17:11:55

Think overall I'm with the Society of Friends and in favour of dropping all titles. Intrigued by Mx, how is it pronounced? I'm increasing short: 4'10" and going down steadily. Does that make me Little Mx?!

Elrel Tue 11-Aug-15 17:13:23

Mx could lead to confusion, Minnie tha Mx?!

MaryXYX Tue 11-Aug-15 18:10:52

Mx is usually pronounced mix or mux. I have one friend who uses Mx because they don't identify as male or female.

Marmark1 Tue 11-Aug-15 18:53:58

You can be proud Shpat70,
Us Real women can be what ever we want to be,.
We don't need leaders,we aren't sheep.

AlieOxon Tue 11-Aug-15 19:54:24

How can I be Miss or Mrs when I have been married but am divorced? That's where Ms comes in for me.

Indinana Tue 11-Aug-15 23:51:53

I would use the term Ms if I felt like it. I have no problems with choosing whatever title I wish to be known by. The only issue I have is with the fact that it is, in effect, a sort of non-word. It looks like an abbreviation, like Mr and Mrs but, unlike them, it's not actually short for anything. I almost feel I want to invent the word it's an abbreviation of grin. Any ideas anyone?

annodomini Wed 12-Aug-15 10:01:22

My Iranian refugee students didn't think it was respectful to address me by my forename, nor could they get their heads round Ms. So they agreed among themselves to call me Mrs + forename.

michellehargreaves Wed 12-Aug-15 10:32:51

I usually just give my name and surname. Supply Mrs if asked!

gillybob Wed 12-Aug-15 10:39:33

I wish the hell I had stuck with my maiden name. I have been married 3 times and have changed my name too many times !

My current surname (actually the one I have had the longest of all) is such a pain in the neck. Whenever I say it I have to give a full explaination afterwards.........

Mrs Gillybob XXXXXXXXXX All one word, no hyphen.

It's quite a mouthfull. grin

ann1e53 Wed 12-Aug-15 11:35:44

Like michellhargreaves I just give my name and surname. My problem is that my parents for reasons best known to themselves gave both myself and my brother first names which they did not use. Anything official I am called by my first name and I'm sick of reminding doctors dentists etc that I'm known by my second name. I know that they are supposed to mark it on my records but they can't seem to get their heads around it.

rosesarered Wed 12-Aug-15 11:47:12

Ann, lots of people in the UK have first names that they don't use informally, but must do for official forms, is it a problem?

rosesarered Wed 12-Aug-15 11:47:50

A rose by any other name would smell as sweet.smile

gillybob Wed 12-Aug-15 11:50:00

My DH has never called himself by his first Christian name. Just saying.

bloody confusing when people call out his real first name and he ignores it

Gagagran Wed 12-Aug-15 11:53:49

Same with my DH gillybob . He's always used his second Christian name but when in hospital, at GP's etc they insist on using his first name - and he answers to that too!