Dilemma, should Dad still be driving?

Last summer, my husband started driving again for the first time in a year, he`d had 2 major ops and 3 hospital stays in 2013, and hadn`t driven because he didn`t feel able. When he did start again, his driving seemed okay, but when it came to parking, it was a different story. He scraped his and another car one day whilst parking, and after that, following advice from my kids, I didn`t go in the car with him again, kept making up excuses. Then in January he went in hospital again, for a routine operation, but things went wrong and he was in for 10 weeks, 8 of those weeks in ICU. Whilst he was in hospital, he agreed with all of us that he should give up driving and sell the car. He was back in hospital again 3 weeks ago, with a collapsed lung, he was kept in for 2 days, then discharged. The doctor who discharged him said not to fly, or swim. Hubby asked if he could drive, the doctor said he was perfectly able to drive, so now, instead of giving up driving, he`s going to sell the car and get a smaller one, and carry on driving. My problem is, do I trust him enough as a driver to go in the car with him, and go on holiday, which he`s planning on? Sorry for the long ramble!

Driving skills can get rusty if not practiced. I used to be a world-class parallel parker but when I moved to MK I never had to do it and lost the knack. It's slowly coming back.

Very difficult one that number, could you suggest he has a 'refresher' session with a driving school as his skills might be 'a bit rusty' after 6 months of not driving?
Perhaps the children could suggest it? It's all very well them telling you to 'make excuses'!

The reason I suggest this is that DH is a driving instructor and says he does a couple every month at least.

The Institute of Advanced Motorists offers a 'Mature Drivers Assessment', a 60 minute drive around your local area in your car. The driver is then given a written assessment of their driving and recommendations about whether they are an excellent/competent driver, need to improve - or give up.

It costs £50 and would give the whole family an objective assessment of your father's driving.
Here is the link: www.iam.org.uk/drivers/motorists-courses/driving-assessment/mature-drivers-assesment

I am planning to do it sometime in the next year.

Loopylou, I don`t think he`d do that, he`s never been to a driving instructor, ever. He learned to drive in the 70s by having qualified drivers go out with him, so don`t think he`d go for that at all, wish he would.

The GP didn't keep my Mum's keys but gave them to my sister who had accompanied her. It was a sort of symbolic gesture.

I understand, Jane10 - I just had a vision of the GP snatching the car keys out of your mum's hand while shouting 'that's it!'

My beloved father in law drove up until 89 but he wasn't safe, his doctor told us but refused to tell him. The police picked him up middle of night (when he started develop dementia) driving wrong side of road, guess what they took him home still wouldn't get involved stop him driving. We had to do that and he was furious but I could not risk some one getting killed.

Since a poor girl was killed near us in Colchester by elderly driver who mounted pavement and had had accident day before they bought I Cassies law giving police power to stop someone driving who is suspect. Thank goodness !

ju1160 It does seem a bit of an over-reaction if it was just this "bump" that has caused the family to consider whether your dad ought still to be driving. Lots of people are forgetful - and not only older people - but maybe, alongside concerns about forgetfulness, you have noticed a decline in your dad's driving ability - perhaps lapses in concentration, slower reactions, etc?

On the radio the other morning it was stated that something like 45% of newly qualified young drivers have an accident within, I think, 6 months of passing their test. And young male drivers have much higher serious accident rates than any other group. Given those figures, I do wonder if more attention should be paid to those issues than the issue of elderly drivers - though, of course, elderly people who are demonstrably not fit to drive should be prevented from doing so.

FlicketyB I didn't know about the Mature Drivers Assessment and I suspect lots of other people didn't so thanks for that information. Not that it would affect me as although I have had some lessons I've never had the courage (nor probably the proficiency) to take the test. I haven't given up on the idea entirely but perhaps, in light of this thread, I ought to.

The institute of Advanced Motorists offer an assessment for the older driver, involving a drive with one of their examiners who will give a frank report - verbal and written - on the driver's ability and safety.

0845-126 8600 ask about Mature Driver's assessment

www.iam.org.uk/drivers/motorists-courses/driving-assessment

I do think that the frank report mentioned would be a good idea of course the person being assessed would be trying especially hard -not necessarily driving in their usual way. The potential danger to other people would be the decider for me. Yes it would be inconvenient not to self drive but it's probably for the best. How could you live with yourself if you had hurt (or worse) others? We've had some very sad stories up here of fatal accidents caused by very elderly drivers.

Sorry flicketyb - I hadn't spotted your message about the IAM assessment when I wrote mine!

I doubt I would have the courage to have my driving tested, just in case.

Get him to take you out in the car and see what you think of his driving.

There is no reason just because of his age why he should not still drive. given any other health issues. He could just limit himself to easier local roads which he knows, if he finds driving in busier places more stressful.

At nearly 86 the year before he died, my father drove himself and my mum 100 miles to pick up my aunt in Leicester and after an overnight there on down for a week in Sidmouth in Devon?Dorset via my sister in Bristol. (About 280 miles). 580miles round trip.

He was a safe driver but a little more hesitant as he got older.

numberplease. Interesting that your husband's doctor said that he was perfectly able to drive.

In other walks of life, in other situations, a doctor's advice is taken over a lay person's. Fair enough I think.
But when it comes to driving, as a society, we are sometimes reluctant to take the doctor's advice.

I dont know exactly what I am trying to say. Trust the doctor??

Soontobe, he`s convinced now that a doctor has said it, that he is perfectly fit to drive, and won`t be swayed in any other direction. As far as he`s concerned, if a doctor says it`s so, it must be so.

@pompa - I didn't mention one other thing about the mature driver assessment; the assessor will suggest what the driver needs to do to make his/her driving safer - and of course there is no 'pass' or 'fail' involved.

I did not know about the assessment, and will sort of suggest it to the other half. Since he has had his cataract repaired he appears to be extra cautious, not sure if that is because he can see so much better not! He admits himself that he would rather not drive long distances, so we just use the car locally, and for those things within a 10 mile radius. My daughter worries about him more than I do, probably because she sees less of him, and notices any differences, whereas they are inclined to grow on you when you are with people all the time.

FB, I did check out the IAM website, I saw that is was advisory.

I think that an eye test should be required before a renewed licence is issued. It is very important to be able to see properly. As we get older we don't necessarily notice 'problems'. I was diagnosed with glaucoma yet I'd noticed nothing but it did need treatment and regular check ups. We both did the Later Life assessment offered by our County Council. It was very interesting but we were ok to carry on.

Of course he should. Just heard that the writer of Abide with me said he wanted to burn out and not rust out. A good maxim for the 80+ generation which I will be in 4 years time.

I'm amazed that an eye test isn't compulsory for drivers over 70 when they have to renew their licences.

When I took my driving test you had to be able to see a number plate from a certain distance with or without glasses, but it seems no such check is made ever again.

(and of course it's not just that you can see a number plate, it's a guide as to how keen your eyesight is in various driving situations)

Oh, yes, the IAM assessment is purely advisory, I did not mean to suggest anything else, but it is at least a good way to keep check on one's driving capacity and to take in hand early any bad habits that may be developing.

My father drove until shortly before his death at the age of 92. He regularly drove to my sister or my house. A journey of 100 miles to each. At 88 he drove from the south coast to York for DGS's wedding and then did a touring holiday of Yorkshire before returning home.

I find it appalling that there are no rules for regular sight tests for all drivers.
They should make all drivers prove they have a sight test, say every two years and even more frequently for the over sixties.