is this really sexist - someone has to be first

I've been a Ms since reverting to my maiden name on divorce in my early 30's. I considered taking my mother's family name but as I'd spent my childhood and early adult life with dad's family name, went back to that. I married again several years later and we have children who have both our names, not double barrelled. One of them married and chose to take her husband's family name, I'm not sure what her sister will do.
Our bank account is in both names with my husband name coming first on all official documents. My husband always raises this when we're at the bank - usually greeted with a blank stare!

Language evolves, feetlebaum.

On the subject of cheques, the bank probably sets up the designation without mentioning it and the account holders don't see it until they get the cheque book.

Some years ago, I knew two doctors, married to each other, who had different surnames as was the custom in their country (I forget which country that was).
The bank staff persuaded them that they should follow the British custom of being Mr & Mrs Mansname on the cheque books.

... or was. Looking it up now I see it strangely described as a masculine and feminine noun...

I think mademoiselle fell out of use a while ago now. I regret its loss - a pretty word, my damsel...

I remember a while ago (90s) some French cabinet ladies wanting to be addressed as Madame la Ministre , rather than Madame le Ministre - which is a matter of gender, not sex. Ministre is a masculine noun...

Soppy lot!

I am Ms, when asked, but am happy do do without any such designation. A cousin, widow of a Swede, suggested that I use Mrs but go back to my family name which apparently is the custom in Sweden - if I understood her correctly. I kept my married name so as to have the same name as my two sons - and now five GC. My sister had a good solution. As a doctor she had kept her name professionally and has kept it through two divorces, so has never needed to be Miss, Mrs or Ms.

A friend was in Germany as a student about 10 years ago, and was called Frau, not Fräulein, even though she was just 18, and I understand that the French are giving up on the use of Mademoiselle for unmarried women, so maybe there is hope for us too. I just wish that someone had thought of a pronounceable alternative for Ms!

I'm with those who use Ms if a title is absolutely necessary (nobody wants DH, to whom I have been happily married for over 40 years, to define his name by his marital status, so why should I be expected to?) but regard my Christian name as the only one which belongs to me, any surname being simply borrowed for the time being from some man.

I never understand why so many married women are prepared to let the banks issue cheques labelled John Smith and Mrs Mary Smith. Ours just say J and M Smith, or in the case of the building society, M and J Smith.

My DD1 uses Ms. She is divorced and does not want to be known as Mrs
xyz but wants her surname at the moment to be the same as her young son. When he is older she intends to revert to her maiden name .

Quite a number of women I worked with used their maiden names at work and their married names outside work, although mine had been changed so long ago I used my married name at work.

We opened a second bank account, purely to save for holidays; I filled in the form and my name comes first on the paperwork.
We both have the same first initial as well.

I'm still always addressed as Mrs even though I have been divorced for over 25 years.... it has crossed my mind that maybe I should change it.... but just haven't got round to it yet.

We have the same initials so if the banks are being lazy and don't put the Mr or Mrs in we have a guessing game. My grandmother bought a house with a mortgage at the end of the 19th century as my grandfather was away at sea. I have kept the documentation because there is a handwritten footnote asking for her husband to confirm this at a later date. I think as she had run away to sea at 16 they knew she was a competent woman. The correspondence is all addressed to her. I think we've gone downhill since those days. They were much more pragmatic.

Please ignore !

Dr1 uses Me.

When we used to receive bank statements of our joint account (we go paperless nowadays), my name came first in spite of MrB having an initial that comes before mine in the alphabet because they know fine that I'm the one who runs the account.

I wouldn't call it sexist. It's a hangover from a patriarchal society is all. Time will change that. "Patriarchality" is not necessarily sexist. The two things are not the same even though often closely related.

When DH and I took out a second mortgage on our home several years ago it was in our joint names, but as my first name comes before his alphabetically, statements came addressed to us in that order. No Mr or Mrs involved.

(I think DH was a bit put out, actually! )

The OP on Mumsnet seemingly has no problem with being Mrs Whatever. her gripe is that the forms all say Mr Joe Whatever and Mrs Jane Whatever in that order, which annoys her as she is the one providing most of the money and doing all of the admin of setting up the loan.
It is old-fashioned and is also sexist, as a lot of old-fashioned things are. I'd ask them to change the wording round, so I hope she does that.

When Ms was introduced, lots of people thought there was no need for it and it would only be of interest to bra-burners, but it's still on the go.

I don't mind either way, but if we didn't have an appellation would we be subject to even more people - whom we don't actually know - calling us by our first names? That really gets my goat-especially if accompanied by the patronising over familiar tone.

I am quite happy to be a Mrs. And have had a lot of years to get used to it, my changed surname I mean.A lot of people who get married now, or just live together and have a child together, link their names to be double barrelled. I wonder what they do in the future if they decide to marry other double barrelled people?It could all get out of hand!

I take your point about scientists and artists, Bags, and I think that's acceptable and a bit different, though I have never heard Marie Curie referred to simply by her surname.
As for school, at my secondary school the boys were called by surname and the girls their first name, except by the senior mistress who taught us English. She addressed us as Mr This, or Miss That.
When I was an undergraduate, we were taught in pairs. The professor of Oral Surgery didn't bother with the niceties of names.
He addressed everyone as Miss or Mr Dresser.

Happy to be addressed as Mrs as I am married and I'm not bothered about people knowing. Do not like being addressed with DHs initial or name first though. I much preferred my maiden name . What's in a name though I am still me whatever I am called.

In 1979 I wanted to be sterilised. When I saw the Doctor he of course asked me my marital status. I told him I was separated. He said " I need your Husbands signature " I asked why. He said "you may not get divorced, and he might be against this"
So I just signed his signature.

Authors, painters and other artists, also scientists who have published papers, are usually referred to by their surnames only when their work is being critiqued.

My brothers were called by surname only when at school. My sister and I weren't. I wonder why that was.

DDIL retained her maiden name for professional purposes Dr xxxx too and DGS has taken DS's surname.

It really doesn't bother me how I'm addressed.

I was flipping mad when nearly 30 years ago DH had to give his permission for me to have a hysterectomy and he was quizzed about the why and what, in front of me, as if I wasn't there!

I hope that no longer happens!