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Bereavement Cards

(34 Posts)
Juliette Tue 24-Feb-15 10:14:17

My friend's MIL died, aged 99, nearly eighteen months ago. They had always had a tenuous relationship and I had been listening to all sorts of resentful feelings for forty years, there was certainly no love lost. When she died I commiserated with DF and her DH, said all the right things etc. but I didn't send a card.
My friend pointed out to me yesterday, in no uncertain terms that I should have sent a bereavement card and saying the words face to face is no substitute. She's obviously been brooding about this for the last eighteen months. My question is therefore....did I get it badly wrong?

Anne58 Tue 24-Feb-15 18:05:58

I'm sorry that your MIL has died,
I hope we keep in touch
I haven't any more to say,
Cos' you didn't like her much.

janerowena Tue 24-Feb-15 21:37:00

grin

I suppose no matter how we may grump about our MiLs, we are usually quite fond of them anyway (says she who has just spent a whole hour on the phone doing long-distance garden-sorting with her own pain in the butt).

Juliette Tue 24-Feb-15 21:55:34

Actually, did think that a Congratulations card would have been more in order.
Something like......Congratulations on sticking it for 50 years and coming out the other end relatively unscathed. smile

POGS Tue 24-Feb-15 22:06:47

Glad to here it's all sorted Juliette.

Eloethan Tue 24-Feb-15 22:35:01

I thought what POGS said was very insightful. Just because somebody has had a difficult relationship with a parent or other close relative, does not mean that they will necessarily experience a sense release when they are gone. Sometimes the death of someone with whom one has had an troubled relationship can be more difficult to come to terms with than a close and loving one and can leave a person with all sorts of regrets and conflicting emotions.

I'm glad it's all been resolved Juliette and that your long friendship continues.

Leticia Tue 24-Feb-15 22:46:42

I have found that very true Eloethan- particularly in very close relationships.

rubylady Wed 25-Feb-15 03:02:55

Surely a hug says more than a card could do, I'd give that. smile

kittylester Wed 25-Feb-15 07:03:56

There are occasions when one doesn't know either the deceased or the bereaved that well and, to me, a card is appropriate then. When a note is required I use a blank card with my words inside.

I never buy cards with verses for any reason unless they are of the Purple Ronnie variety for birthdays etc! Phoenix could be the Purple Ronnie of bereavement cards!