So as not to disappoint - further adventures of the Idiot!!

Ana this is Surrey so probably not. He wants room for both children 15and12 to be able to stay. Living as I do in Stockport it is a fortune!

Yes, I live 'up north' too which is why that sort of rent made my mind boggle - but of course in Surrey I suppose it's reasonable.

I do hope it's still possible for him to pay the agreed monthly sum to your daughter.

So do I ana or I can see our savings will take a knock and we really must support them but at a cost.

ann you should talk to your DD now, about your worries re the financial situation, so that she can see it is causing you distress.

Maybe that will persuade her to get things properly sorted.

DD is having to downsize as even with what spermie pays, her part time job and me helping she is struggling to pay for her 3 bed semi. She's ok with that though as it was him who insisted they need a large garden and a garage. She just wants something she can afford !

BTW people he and his brother (currently sharing a flat) are moving to Holland in the next couple of months to live with mummy and daddy (she is Dutch)
I feel sad for DGC especially the oldest one but DD can't wait not to have to see him every week.

I think you'll find there is a right of appeal to a tribunal. They can demand his books, bank accounts, income tax etc. it's a judge and an accountant who make the decision. They ask questions about lifestyle etc and decide if that is compatable with his declared income!

Galen I found your last post reassuring and hope those regulations and powers also apply under Scottish law.
We know he has some valuable assets apart from property but I do believe they'd be easy to hide as they are highly portable.
If he simply denies owning these assets ( like gold and jewellery) I don't know if they could be traced.

My son is paying £750 a month for a one bedroom flat in Berkshire so I imagine double for a house would be reasonable. Or extortionate depending on your point of view.

I wonder if the Idiot realises how much innocent amusement he is providing. It's very nice for kitty's DD to have expensive presents, but what on earth does the new girlfriend think of him spending all that money on his ex? Or did he just tell her he sent the children a box of chocolates?

This is all a bit anti Dads. I have seen the other side as my daughter's partner's ex-wife thought she would get the house, the children and an income from my daughter's partner and the state. After years of supporting them, when he was unemployed recently she (who else would it be) reported him to the CSA as living above his declared income. As a family they were as they were living on my daughter's income and she certainly wasn't going to support the ex-wife!

He has had the children for half the time ever since she basically "sold" him the right and has kept a home going for them - not taking better jobs so he stayed in the area. I say half the time but of course it is just under half to ensure she gets all the benefits available. The youngsters are well into their late teens but she still only works for 16 hours a week.

My daughter has certainly contributed to the well being of the family. As well as now both working full time they are running a business which, as it is growing slowly, certainly does not provide them with any income.

Women used to be unable to keep children after a divorce as they hadn't got the means to provide for them and now it has swung the other way. Anyone who takes their bad feelings towards an ex-partner on the children will surely get their just deserts as the children get older - they are rarely fooled.

anyone who takes their bad feelings towards an ex-partner out on the children will surely get their just deserts

Oh Gracesgran I certainly hope so !

And me!!

I take your point Gracesgran but, in the cases mentioned here, it's the husbands and/or male partners that are behaving badly.

I should point out that I have two of the loveliest sons-in-law and a son who is a good partner too, so I know they are not all bad. It's just that these ones are!!

I echo Grace. My DD2s partner has 2 children (now adults) from a previous relationship. When the couple first split he transferred the house to her name and paid of a huge chunk of the mortgage to reduce the monthly costs. He continued to pay her Barclaycard bills as his way of funding his children. However this was all done informally & by mutual agreement. In addition he paid to have windows replaced and took them on holidays. He also kitted them out each September for school and bought the lap tops, phones etc etc as any parent might do.
My SiLs ex had a subsequent relationship and when that broke up, after some years, she began to claim benefit. This alerted CSA who claimed SiL owed £85k! It took my DH four years 'debate' with CSA to agree that in fact SiL had been contributing to his children's care. In the end they said he did not owe any money! It took many bank statements, tax returns & hours of phone calls to sort it out! My advice to any family trying to split amicably is to put it all on a legal footing!

Penstommen, my brother in law had exactly the experience you describe. He paid significant amounts, but informally. When he and my sister married, 10 years after his wife left, she immediately applied to the CSA, claiming from their joint income. They were hit by huge bills, which as with your son, were later dismissed totally. The stress involved wasn't so easily dismissed, nor the tensions caused between the parents involved. It did nothing to help the child in the middle of this unnecessary scrap either, she didn't gain financially and was reminded again of the conflict between her parents.

I know we all try and avoid legal agreements and keep the peace, but it isn't always the best thing unfortunately.

Another bit of advice would be to run your bank account as if you are a business so that everything you pay to an ex-partner shows up for what it is. Easy to say after the event of course. The least said about the CSA the better.

My daughter worked out that when the children are no longer supported through her in the next couple of years she will loose, in government support and child support from my DD's DP, about £10,000 a year - and don't forget they live with my DD and her DP for half the time! I think it is a very cruel system that does not encourage someone work full time long before this.

This lady has certainly tried to paint a distorted picture of DD's DP but they began questioning it - and therefore her motives - round about the age of 12.