DH...Hoist with his own petard, ha ha!!

And was he contrite, janer?

No, not really! He seethed all the way home. However he was much better in the car with me after that. When we were out later that night with friends I kept quiet about what I had done, because I am a far kinder person than he will ever be, but he mentioned several times that I seemed to like driving in the hedge better than on the road.

He was banned again a couple of years later for drink driving. By then he had got used to me driving and treated me like a chauffeur. He would fall asleep drunk on the train and miss the station where I was waiting patiently with small child in pyjamas at 9pm in snow/fog/what have you. The phone would ring and there would be a pathetic voice saying 'I am in Folkestone/London/Paddock Wood' and I would have to fetch him. Eventually I would just ignore the phone and say I slept through it.

But I still recall the look on his face as I drove off and left him with great glee.

What is it with the double decker buses?? I've got one exactly the same.... "could have got a double decker through there", "don't indicate then", ok your lights work, now try the horn!" This from a man who drives reactively, and is so impatient he's got to change lanes all the time so he's at the front. I am currently threatening him with an advanced drivers' course for Xmas. I hate it when he's a passenger in my car.... shouts "go, go, go!!" at me at roundabouts as if it's the Normandy landings. He also fiddles with my heating controls and my radio! Aaarrgghh!

My dad used to say that about double-decker buses. But he was a bus driver and managed until he retired to not scratch a bus, so I guess he knew what he was talking about.

The posts were making me laugh, and I admit I was thinking, glad I don't have to put up with those husbands. Then I read janerowena's post and it took me back thirty plus years. ExDH and I with our two DC were travelling around Europe and we had a tiff. I was so annoyed I drove off in a huff and got lost. I was in a strange country, driving a vehicle I wasn't used to, two young children in the back, no satnav, no mobile phone, not even a local map and I have no sense of direction. Thinking what an idiot I was, driving around in circles, thinking the worst possible scenarios. After an hour I suddenly saw DH walking further along the road, thoroughly relieved I shouted out to him and he immediately broke into a jog. Finally when he was back in our van and we were on our way he explained he hadn't heard me and was just at that time starting to get cold so broke into a jog.

I am a lot more mellow these days.

funniest thread ever, thanks merlot- and I just love that expression in the OP.

merlot That was funny. How is General Patton today?

Faye! I have to admit I was a bit concerned that maybe Ex had got a taxi back, we were miles out in the middle of nowhere and I had his wallet so I was imagining his wrath when he got home and couldn't pay the driver, couldn't get in because he had no keys etc. He did have some change so at least he was able to buy a cup of tea.

DBH is great. In fact he just goes to sleep when I drive. I wished he wouldn't, until I got a satnav, but he says he only falls asleep in self-defense so as not to have to watch me overtaking!

General Patton has morphed into Tommy Walsh with attitude. When I start a DIY job (today it was stripping 1960s gloss paint off a door frame) I gather all the necessary tools, protect the floor and get started. DH was working at the other end of the room fitting new bolts to our stable door.

&*%%& thing! means he's forgotten to charge the drill.

'I suppose I'd better make another trek to the workshop' means he hasn't got the right screws.

'I can smell burning,' means he's going to fret because I'm using the hot air stripper.

'You'll be all day doing that' means I'm actually getting on really well but he reckons I'm using the wrong sandpaper.

'Is there anything you want me to do in the kitchen?' means he's had enough, I've finished, he's starving/wants a beer/doesn't want to clear up his mess.

All done!!

That's so funny merlot.

Clearly got the General sussed, well done merlot!

Hilarious merlot ! Do you think they teach them that at Husbandschool? Or maybe they are mysteriously cloned somewhere? I could identify with all of that. And do you get Termite syndrome? Those piles of stuff that appear below where holes have been drilled and just stay there. Dustpan and brush? Never heard of it!