DH...Hoist with his own petard, ha ha!!

Hilarious merlot ! Do you think they teach them that at Husbandschool? Or maybe they are mysteriously cloned somewhere? I could identify with all of that. And do you get Termite syndrome? Those piles of stuff that appear below where holes have been drilled and just stay there. Dustpan and brush? Never heard of it!

Clearly got the General sussed, well done merlot!

That's so funny merlot.

General Patton has morphed into Tommy Walsh with attitude. When I start a DIY job (today it was stripping 1960s gloss paint off a door frame) I gather all the necessary tools, protect the floor and get started. DH was working at the other end of the room fitting new bolts to our stable door.

&*%%& thing! means he's forgotten to charge the drill.

'I suppose I'd better make another trek to the workshop' means he hasn't got the right screws.

'I can smell burning,' means he's going to fret because I'm using the hot air stripper.

'You'll be all day doing that' means I'm actually getting on really well but he reckons I'm using the wrong sandpaper.

'Is there anything you want me to do in the kitchen?' means he's had enough, I've finished, he's starving/wants a beer/doesn't want to clear up his mess.

All done!!

Faye! I have to admit I was a bit concerned that maybe Ex had got a taxi back, we were miles out in the middle of nowhere and I had his wallet so I was imagining his wrath when he got home and couldn't pay the driver, couldn't get in because he had no keys etc. He did have some change so at least he was able to buy a cup of tea.

DBH is great. In fact he just goes to sleep when I drive. I wished he wouldn't, until I got a satnav, but he says he only falls asleep in self-defense so as not to have to watch me overtaking!

merlot That was funny. How is General Patton today?

funniest thread ever, thanks merlot- and I just love that expression in the OP.

The posts were making me laugh, and I admit I was thinking, glad I don't have to put up with those husbands. Then I read janerowena's post and it took me back thirty plus years. ExDH and I with our two DC were travelling around Europe and we had a tiff. I was so annoyed I drove off in a huff and got lost. I was in a strange country, driving a vehicle I wasn't used to, two young children in the back, no satnav, no mobile phone, not even a local map and I have no sense of direction. Thinking what an idiot I was, driving around in circles, thinking the worst possible scenarios. After an hour I suddenly saw DH walking further along the road, thoroughly relieved I shouted out to him and he immediately broke into a jog. Finally when he was back in our van and we were on our way he explained he hadn't heard me and was just at that time starting to get cold so broke into a jog.

I am a lot more mellow these days.

My dad used to say that about double-decker buses. But he was a bus driver and managed until he retired to not scratch a bus, so I guess he knew what he was talking about.

What is it with the double decker buses?? I've got one exactly the same.... "could have got a double decker through there", "don't indicate then", ok your lights work, now try the horn!" This from a man who drives reactively, and is so impatient he's got to change lanes all the time so he's at the front. I am currently threatening him with an advanced drivers' course for Xmas. I hate it when he's a passenger in my car.... shouts "go, go, go!!" at me at roundabouts as if it's the Normandy landings. He also fiddles with my heating controls and my radio! Aaarrgghh!

No, not really! He seethed all the way home. However he was much better in the car with me after that. When we were out later that night with friends I kept quiet about what I had done, because I am a far kinder person than he will ever be, but he mentioned several times that I seemed to like driving in the hedge better than on the road.

He was banned again a couple of years later for drink driving. By then he had got used to me driving and treated me like a chauffeur. He would fall asleep drunk on the train and miss the station where I was waiting patiently with small child in pyjamas at 9pm in snow/fog/what have you. The phone would ring and there would be a pathetic voice saying 'I am in Folkestone/London/Paddock Wood' and I would have to fetch him. Eventually I would just ignore the phone and say I slept through it.

But I still recall the look on his face as I drove off and left him with great glee.

And was he contrite, janer?

Coolgran65 I thought that was my DH, at least that is what his DDs call him!

I was so fed up with Ex when he was banned (speeding 3 times, that sort of thing), he was a dreadful back-seat driver. He criticised everything I did. Then one day we were driving to a garden centre miles away and he told me off for pulling too far into a passing space in a lane, he said the paintwork would be scratched, we would lose the wing mirror, he had had to work hard to pay for my car etc. etc. and I seethed. We got to the carpark, he got out and I drove away without him, shouting 'You were the a*****e who lost his license, not ME!*

I did go back for him about an hour later.

He's def not unusual. We call DH Victor, as in Victor Meldrew.

Thank you, thank you! I thought my DH was unusual!

What about them ostentatiously checking the mirrors even though you are the one that is driving.

Yep...I've got one too. Personality change when driving.
Everyone's stupid and got their licence from a lucky dip bag.
No patience whatsoever.

With regard to Patience, during a weekend break we were having dinner in the hotel restaurant. The break was a gift from dc and the hotel was pretty upmarket. Food was wonderful, but service was slow....So slow. DH was getting antsy. Mutter mutter....ridiculous....etc. I went to call the floor manager to query service but dh didn't want me to make a fuss. Thing is, I never make a fuss, he's the moaner.

Mutter mutter, so I caught the eye of the floor manager and ask him to come over. And said, my DH would like to speak with you. DH was caught on the hop, remembered to smile and he asked politely if there was any particular reason for the delay in service. Apologies from FM, next course arrived, courtesy drink, no more slow service and it shut DH up.

Sorry to digress.... I reckon it's all about patience and perhaps also a little about control.

Christmas present ideas for miserable DHs - a Mr Grumpy tee shirt��
My DH was given one by his staff some years ago.

How awful for you to be victims like that Littleflo . We do have senior railcards but not freedom passes as we live just outside a London borough. Our jaunt took 2 hours each way door to door, much the same as the M25 would and cost £25 for two, similar to the petrol cost.
I don't think we are ready to give up the car though, we were able to drive to a mainline station which made the journey easier. Also there would be complications with supermarket shopping and collecting GS from school each day. I would certainly investigate any long journeys using the train, rather than the car in future though.

They must all be the same. I don't drive but when my DH is driving he is a nightmare. Everyone is a 'moron' or a 'stupid p**t'
It's 'look at the way that idiot has parked' or 'oh you're turning are you? Don't bother to indicate will you' or 'that must be a woman driving in front, she hasn't got a clue' (He's not usually sexist, he has a personality change when driving). If ever I dare to suggest he is in the wrong in any way, he says 'oh when did you learn to drive then? Had some secret lessons have you?' He shouts at the satnav, at me. When we eventually park at a supermarket or wherever, he says 'OK where did we park it'. Our daughter however is a pleasure to be in the car with. She is calm and courteous to all.

Purple daffodil we gave up our car after we were the victims of a road rage insurance scam. We seem to go to more places now than we did when we had the car. Did you know you can get a seniors railcard, which saves you money too. Another little gem I found out recently,is that if you are a holder of a London freedom pass it is is cheaper to buy the ticket at the office from the machines.

It used to take us One and half hours on the M25 to get to my son. Now it is £21 return for the two of us.

That made me laugh merlotgran. Mr Purple is an atrocious passenger too and is currently hoping to be able to drive again once the DVLA process the medical reports and forms they have been requesting for the last three months.
I have been his chauffeuse for the last 18 months now and am heartily sick of it. His FFS remarks are usually directed at me A couple of weeks ago I was so dreading a long return journey round the M25 ( he won't stay the night anywhere either) that I went on to Trainline and booked rail tickets. Result! No shouting, the trains were frequent and surprisingly clean AND he could drink tea and go to the loo as often as he likes. I may be a convert to public transport.

Merlot I think you and MrMerlot should make a TV series. You'd be a lot funnier than most of the rubbish stuff that's on

Have they been cloned?