I'm suddenly feeling old!!

Ah, katek I understand, as the wife of a retired army officer. He retired early and had a second career, so we had twenty more years of stability, but I remember the moves and the concomitant shake ups.

Being old - well, Ihave had my say there.

Not disgruntled as such....have fought for 60 years to be accepted in 'normal' world and am just uncomfortable about having any differences pointed up ( as I feel it)

I've fought so hard to fit into the so called 'normal' world and now I'm having to make more efforts to accept ageing. I'm still the seat offerer not the other way round.

and other parts Soutra.

I think that when we are on the cusp of change so to speak, there is a transition period.

That's a really helpful explanation, faye. Thank you.

It still doesn't explain to me why people object so much to being thought old. I understand about the fear of being dismissed if old (with the connotation of "past it" as well) but we are not going to change that attitude by minding offers of help. We will only confront ageism (which offers of help are essentially not; most of the best offers of help I've had were when I was in my twenties and had two toddlers in tow) by doing, not by complaining.

Doing what? Anything that shows you aren't "past it". In short, by living interesting lives.

Good luck, grans .

My son recently referred to a person in their sixties as elderly. I pointed out to him that he will be that age in just over twenty years and would he think of himself as elderly then? Children usually think their parents are old. DD1 was most upset when GD asked her if she was older than Great Grandma. GG was then in her 80s and DD1 was late 30s.

I also understand when people say they still feel a certain age from when they were younger. For me it was awareness of myself when I was a particular age and I still feel that awareness from that age. If people never felt it they won't understand. It does not mean at all that you want to still be that age and are trying to be young.

To answer your question - I never belonged anywhere. I mentioned on another thread that my father was in the RAF - we went where the squadron went which resulted in 15 moves, 15 schools and 1 year in hospital between the ages of 4 and 18.

This sounds like a whole new topic. What do you mean, soontobe?

Did you feel that you didnt belong somewhere, when growing up?

And I'm glad for you Ffinnochio, glad that you're happy and content. That's what it's all about in the end. Tonight at least I will be content - small DGS is coming to stay overnight. DH has just gone to collect him and Nanna's heart will be full.

Coolgran....think you may be heading down the right road but also think it's to do with being seen as different and no longer belonging. Is it the first stage in putting us away? ( in the biblical sense, not care home sense!)

Katek I don't find the sense of self I have to be complacent but perhaps, as you say, others see it as such. It's been very hard won.

Acceptance of how I am does not preclude doubts, concerns or troubles, but includes them. It's just quite simply the whole of me and how I am with it. That's all.

Could it be that when someone offers unsolicited help or concern it can make one feel vulnerable.. I.e. why do they think I need help. ??

Personally I'll take any offers of help

Ffinichio....others could/do see that acceptance of 'I am' as complacency. If I'd accepted the status quo so many good things wouldn't have happened in my life.

Riverwalk....yes, op was lighthearted but underlying sentiment was one of surprise/shock

Thatbags....yes, I minded. I was shocked to be offered help as I didn't actually see myself as someone who fitted into that category.

Soontobe.....op was lighthearted but yes, I did give conductor a stare. Prob more to see if I could work out what was going on as I was taken aback.

Ana......thank you!!

It is the speaking nicely but giving the person a hard stare, a Paddington stare, that I find confusing.

But no-one explains in a way that I understand why the "certain scenarios" make them feel uncomfortable. There doesn't seem to be any real reason why such scenarios should make anyone feel anything other than thankful if they did need what was offered or totally unconcerned if they didn't.

The subject comes up frequently on GN so clearly the discomfort is widespread, and it nearly always has to do with age, or what people think other people might think of them and their age.

Has anyone said why this matters? What causes the discomfort? Recognition of reality or something else?

Good for you, Katek! I was surprised at the assumption that all those who expressed reservations about offers of help are rude and aggressive when they decline those offers.

Nothing could be further from the truth in my own case, either. Some of us mentioned how uncomfortable certain scenarios make us feel, that's all.

One can do that skidding sideways thing without minding if someone offers one a seat or some other kind of assistance. It's because you seemed to mind that the offer of help was made, that you seemed to mind that someone else might think you in need of assistance, that I have spoken the way I have.

I don't 'get' the minding or why offers of assistance would make any difference to how one felt about oneself.

kate I read your OP as being lighthearted ... ageist bastards who patronise us

I'm another one in agreement with you b.

Accepting the 'I am' works in other areas of one's life as well. I find it clarifying.

Well, I seem to have opened a bit of a can of worms with this particular topic. I am, however, somewhat surprised and disappointed that the assumption seems to be my refusal is ungracious and/or ill mannered when no-one actually knows me. I can assure you that my manners are impeccable and any refusal of help is done with a smile and 'thanks for the offer but I'm fine/doing ok....thanks for asking" I'm not some grumpy old sod that snarls at people and puts them off asking anyone ever again. And yes, I do feel old, my body tells me, my children and grandchildren getting older tells me, being a village worthy tells me, but you know what? I don't have to like it. I'm not going to arrive at the end having not 'fought the good fight', I'm going "...... to skid in broadside in a cloud of smoke, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming "Wow! What a Ride!”
― Hunter S. Thompson

That's what I meant, MiceElf!

Me too. I gratefully accept every bit of help. But - hangs head in shame - I don't like my saggy jawline which I don't see in the mirror but do see in photos. Shouldn't be concerned at my age.

I completely agree, bags! I am what I am now, though a little vanity does creep in sometimes, and having had to use a walking stick (bright pink, though) for about six months, it has been interesting to note people's reaction, which has been concerned and helpful.

Me too, with help.
I always accept whatever help I am offered. With anything.

Any time anyone wants to offer me a seat or assistance with heavy luggage, please feel free

Been reading some of the comments about not feeling old at 60 or whatever. How do people do that? I just feel the age I am. I always have so it's no different now from how it was when I was nine or twenty-nine instead of fifty-nine.

Clearly, I'm less old than lots of other people but I feel my age because I've experienced all those years. If someone wants to think I'm old as in "an old person", it doesn't bother me because I know how old I am and what my body and mind and spirit can do/think/feel and what someone else thinks simply doesn't matter. It never has mattered and, so far as I can tell, it never will.

I do not feel any other age inside than I simply am. I don't think I'd actually want to feel, say, nineteen. I had a lot of naivety and unsureness of myself back then which I'm glad to be rid of. I find the idea of feeling how I felt ten, twenty, thirty, forty years ago quite unpleasant. I'm the age I am and I feel the age I am and that's all there is to it.

Just thought I'd try and describe it because I don't get it when people of my age say they feel a different age inside. I do not mind that I lack this skill and, given the apparent distress such feelings cause, I'm really rather glad.

You say yours is very good. Some people just change the doors apparently. But update.

Cheeky salesman you had there, jingl!