Whose rights should take priority?

It's not really a question of rights, is it? More one of consideration. Obviously you didn't know about the friend's allergies when it happened, but now you do I'm sure you would take her sensitivity into consideration and not wear perfume when you are going to be in close proximity of her.

Hmm, a right to wear perfume, or a right to remain healthy? Which do you really think is more important? It is more about priority than rights, surely.

I perhaps didn't make it clear that I did not know that she was being picked up or even going to the event. If I had I would have made my own way there but I would still have worn make up and kept out of her way.

ann I'm with you. That woman can't expect everyone to know all about her allergies and be able to avoid causing her a problem. She should wear a mask to protect herself (like some of the cyclists wear and also seen during the Swine flu scare at the airports). I mean for goodness sake she's going to come across people wearing perfume all the time.

... and I say that as someone who seems to be affected by some of the strong, modern perfumes. They make my nose close up, so when I come across someone with a strong perfume on, I surreptitiously turn my collar up or similar ... if I can't move away of course.

It sounds as though she "enjoys bad health".

If she is so allergic that she can't share a car with someone with perfume on, she should make very sure that she never runs the risk of doing so - taxis, her own car, a bicycle . . . not sit there talking of nothing else and making you feel guilty for inadvertently invading her space.

I hate the smell of stale smoke, and have a raw throat for hours after accepting a lift in a smoker's car. There is one friend whose lifts I consistently turn down because of it. But I don't expect everyone in the world to be aware of my sensitivity (it is not as bad as an allergy) before I tell them of it.

It must be very trying for this lady. I have some sympathy - we used to take our little girls to Bourton-on-the-Water when they were little - they loved to go in the perfume shop, but I had to stay outside as I would have streaming eyes, blocked nose and wheezing just poking my nose in through the door.

There are bound to be situations where she inadvertently encounters perfume. I think her friends are right to try and accommodate this as best they can; and that you are not to be blamed for inadvertently causing a problem, so should not feel bad.

If I were her friend, I would certainly not wear perfume if I knew we were to meet. I would have no interest in my "rights" but just in her comfort.

I don't feel sympathetic to this allergic person mainly because I think her behaviour in the taxi was overly dramatic and attention seeking.

I would feel hugely embarrassed if it were me stopping everyone from using ...... . what, makeup, deodorant, scented shampoo, nail varnish, hand cream.

jingle has it spot on—it's a question of consideration for someone else's comfort and not about a "right" or otherwise to wear perfume.

Of course people can choose to wear perfume if they like but it's a bit mean to do so when you know someone you will be with has allergy problems. Strong perfumes can bring on asthma in people who are highly sensitive to such things. Having allergies is not something people choose and cannot be modified by 'choice'. Wearing perfume is and the choice can be modified depending on the circumstances.

It's not just perfume though, it's anything with perfume.

Yes, consideration is the key. Making someone feel guilty because they were not aware that she needed consideration was rather inconsiderate of her though. We are not mind-readers.

Now, that story about the planeful of passengers who didn't eat nuts because of the little girl with allergies - except for one bolshie blighter - is an example of LACK of consideration when the situation is known about.

When it's happened by accident, no-one is being inconsiderate. It's up to the person with the bad reaction to perfumes to explain in advance or avoid sharing a lift. I saw a woman suffer an extreme reaction when she turned into the washing powder aisle in the supermarket. The staff had moved the aisle for Christmas and she didn't expect the washing powders to be there. It brought on streaming eyes, coughing and wheezing and she was fighting for breath, so paramedics were called. Her companion explained that she was ok if she kept away from cosmetics and cleaning products and usually did online shopping, but needed a couple of things. Not something the supermarket could accommodate, but she had generally learned how to manage her condition.

Yes, I agree, when. The trouble is that someone who is allergic to perfumes cannot always warn everyone of the problem they have so it seems to me to be reasonable that if one is going to a theatre or cinema or other closed environment, or to travel in close quarters with others, the considerate thing would be to avoid wearing perfumes, especially strong ones, on those occasions.

Similarly in offices. I know of several people whose working lives have been made miserable (and headachey) because their colleagues wear strong perfumes and refuse to be obliging.

A retired soldier I know says that perfumes even in deodorants, or in the soap they use, are a dead giveaway when you think you are hidden from detection. Could be risky in military terms!

It couldn't be helped when you shared a lift. In future, if I was you, I would not wear perfume is she is in the group, although I would still wear a bit of make up. Allergies that suddenly appear out of nowhere are very strange.With the nuts thing, I think all planes and bars should stop serving them, we can live without nuts, and it makes it safer for some people with this awful allergy.

I can't believe that a bit of make-up would be a problem for her. Perfume can be quite strong, especially in the confined space of a car.

My family often comment on my Elnett.

ann it doesn't sound as if the woman had a severe allergy to anything you were wearing.
Perhaps she should take an anti-histamine before going into social gatherings where someone might be wearing perfume, instead of making others feel guilty!

Nobody in our family has a perfume allergy, but several of us do have food and other allergies and we see it as our responsibility to monitor ourselves.

When DGD visits I serve nothing containing anything she is allergic to, even if she isn't going to eat it. If she is going to a friends house and will eat there, they are spoke to in advance, but if we go out or eat somewhere unexpectedly then it is our responsibility to monitor what is being served and we carry Piritin everywhere.

If this lady has a perfume allergy, one that is obviously not so extreme that she has to avoid all social groupings, it is reasonable to inform people who she sees regularly - as in the book club, but to expect every chance acquaintance to know her problem and instantly respect it, is unreasonable. She should carry with her such equipment and medication as is required to deal with any allergic reaction.

I don't blame your family jings .... Elnett stinks

Riverwalk you're brave! I didn't like to say anything

There was a perfume called Sunflowers which several ladies used to wear in an office where I worked. I used to take a deep breath before I walked through this area as it brought on an asthma attack. One evening we were giving one of these friends a lift in our car so I asked her if she would mind not using that perfume. We picked her up and that first thing I smelled was the perfume. I asked her if she had forgotten my request and she said that she had just used a little bit!

I remember the singer from Picketty witch who was supposed to have multiple allergies and had to live in a special environment.
I gather shers quite normal now!

I am very fortunate that my family and friends have always been very considerate of my allergies - especially so as they have all seen me suffering severe asthma attacks as a result of being exposed to strongly scented products. Usually none of them would ever wear perfume or hairspray when we were together, but I once had dinner out with one of my closest girlfriends and suddenly went into an extreme allergic reaction. She had unthinkingly applied a very strongly scented hand cream after a trip to the loo and I thought I was going to die; my chest and throat closed up, eyes streamed and I couldn't breathe - to date it was the worst asthma attack I've ever had.
I only developed allergies/hay fever/asthma twenty years ago and at first it wasn't too bad, but as time went on I found myself more and more limited. I couldn't visit friends with cats or who used air fresheners of any sort, I had to move seats in theatres and cinemas to avoid perfumed people (men and women), I couldn't accept a lift in a car that had an air freshener. It's really no joke and I certainly was embarrassed several times when explaining the severity of my reaction to people who just didn't understand that actually a severe asthma attack can be life threatening - and that such an attack can be brought on by exposure to perfume for instance. I often felt that people (who don't know me well) were making the assumption that I was being a drama queen.
Happily my allergies now seem to be much less severe and I can cope with some perfumes (though not all), but my family and friends are very kind and stick to not wearing anything that might cause me a problem and I am very grateful.

I feel I should say once again the person I referred to in my OP did not have any sort of reaction and managed to talk freely for the whole journey so her breathing wasn't affected at all.The friend who gave me the lift said it is a skin reaction she has.