Whose rights should take priority?

I feel I should say once again the person I referred to in my OP did not have any sort of reaction and managed to talk freely for the whole journey so her breathing wasn't affected at all.The friend who gave me the lift said it is a skin reaction she has.

I wouldn't worry about it annsixty - if she does have an allergy, it must be a very mild one from what you have said. Maybe make alternative travel arrangements if she is to be in the car again? If you like wearing your perfume, carry on wearing it - it's not as though everyone who might come anywhere near her can be requested to stop wearing it so she must be able to cope relatively well with the allergy.

My mother often uses her 'allergies' as a form of control/power as well - gets others to do what she wants, so I might be being a bit cynical. If it was me, I'd just stay well clear of her.

You are quite right Ana and she did know how I felt on the day.I am sure she will be more careful another time.On the other hand she is probably so used to her friend that she doesn't always think about it.

That's true!

I'm of the opinion that the lift-giving friend bears some responsibility for the situation.

She knew about the allergies suffered by her friend, yet still gave you, annsixty (also a friend, of course) a lift without any qualms and apparently without warning you or the allergy-stricken one!

correction: not a matter of rights on either side.

I also don't think in this case it's a matter of "rights" on either side. I'm sure, had you known you would be sharing a car with someone who is allergic to perfume, you would not have worn it.

Given that you weren't aware of her allergy, I actually think it was rather rude of the woman to make such a song and dance about it. If it was such an issue for her, she should not have accepted a lift. I agree with petallus that her reaction sounds like attention-seeking.

I had a work colleague who found that she became very nauseous and got an awful headache if someone was wearing Opium. Once people knew, out of consideration, they stopped wearing it at work. I'm not sure what I would have done if a colleague had been allergic to other people's make up - I'd have probably got another job rather than have people tell me how ill/tired/awful I looked!

Eczema and conjuntivtus. I keep well clear of them

Cats give me asthma, hayfever

If she could spend the whole journey telling you all about her allergies then she is not going to have an asthma attack.

I feel I should say once again the person I referred to in my OP did not have any sort of reaction and managed to talk freely for the whole journey so her breathing wasn't affected at all.The friend who gave me the lift said it is a skin reaction she has.

I am very fortunate that my family and friends have always been very considerate of my allergies - especially so as they have all seen me suffering severe asthma attacks as a result of being exposed to strongly scented products. Usually none of them would ever wear perfume or hairspray when we were together, but I once had dinner out with one of my closest girlfriends and suddenly went into an extreme allergic reaction. She had unthinkingly applied a very strongly scented hand cream after a trip to the loo and I thought I was going to die; my chest and throat closed up, eyes streamed and I couldn't breathe - to date it was the worst asthma attack I've ever had.
I only developed allergies/hay fever/asthma twenty years ago and at first it wasn't too bad, but as time went on I found myself more and more limited. I couldn't visit friends with cats or who used air fresheners of any sort, I had to move seats in theatres and cinemas to avoid perfumed people (men and women), I couldn't accept a lift in a car that had an air freshener. It's really no joke and I certainly was embarrassed several times when explaining the severity of my reaction to people who just didn't understand that actually a severe asthma attack can be life threatening - and that such an attack can be brought on by exposure to perfume for instance. I often felt that people (who don't know me well) were making the assumption that I was being a drama queen.
Happily my allergies now seem to be much less severe and I can cope with some perfumes (though not all), but my family and friends are very kind and stick to not wearing anything that might cause me a problem and I am very grateful.

I remember the singer from Picketty witch who was supposed to have multiple allergies and had to live in a special environment.
I gather shers quite normal now!

There was a perfume called Sunflowers which several ladies used to wear in an office where I worked. I used to take a deep breath before I walked through this area as it brought on an asthma attack. One evening we were giving one of these friends a lift in our car so I asked her if she would mind not using that perfume. We picked her up and that first thing I smelled was the perfume. I asked her if she had forgotten my request and she said that she had just used a little bit!

Riverwalk you're brave! I didn't like to say anything

I don't blame your family jings .... Elnett stinks

Nobody in our family has a perfume allergy, but several of us do have food and other allergies and we see it as our responsibility to monitor ourselves.

When DGD visits I serve nothing containing anything she is allergic to, even if she isn't going to eat it. If she is going to a friends house and will eat there, they are spoke to in advance, but if we go out or eat somewhere unexpectedly then it is our responsibility to monitor what is being served and we carry Piritin everywhere.

If this lady has a perfume allergy, one that is obviously not so extreme that she has to avoid all social groupings, it is reasonable to inform people who she sees regularly - as in the book club, but to expect every chance acquaintance to know her problem and instantly respect it, is unreasonable. She should carry with her such equipment and medication as is required to deal with any allergic reaction.

ann it doesn't sound as if the woman had a severe allergy to anything you were wearing.
Perhaps she should take an anti-histamine before going into social gatherings where someone might be wearing perfume, instead of making others feel guilty!

My family often comment on my Elnett.

I can't believe that a bit of make-up would be a problem for her. Perfume can be quite strong, especially in the confined space of a car.

It couldn't be helped when you shared a lift. In future, if I was you, I would not wear perfume is she is in the group, although I would still wear a bit of make up. Allergies that suddenly appear out of nowhere are very strange.With the nuts thing, I think all planes and bars should stop serving them, we can live without nuts, and it makes it safer for some people with this awful allergy.

Yes, I agree, when. The trouble is that someone who is allergic to perfumes cannot always warn everyone of the problem they have so it seems to me to be reasonable that if one is going to a theatre or cinema or other closed environment, or to travel in close quarters with others, the considerate thing would be to avoid wearing perfumes, especially strong ones, on those occasions.

Similarly in offices. I know of several people whose working lives have been made miserable (and headachey) because their colleagues wear strong perfumes and refuse to be obliging.

A retired soldier I know says that perfumes even in deodorants, or in the soap they use, are a dead giveaway when you think you are hidden from detection. Could be risky in military terms!

When it's happened by accident, no-one is being inconsiderate. It's up to the person with the bad reaction to perfumes to explain in advance or avoid sharing a lift. I saw a woman suffer an extreme reaction when she turned into the washing powder aisle in the supermarket. The staff had moved the aisle for Christmas and she didn't expect the washing powders to be there. It brought on streaming eyes, coughing and wheezing and she was fighting for breath, so paramedics were called. Her companion explained that she was ok if she kept away from cosmetics and cleaning products and usually did online shopping, but needed a couple of things. Not something the supermarket could accommodate, but she had generally learned how to manage her condition.

Yes, consideration is the key. Making someone feel guilty because they were not aware that she needed consideration was rather inconsiderate of her though. We are not mind-readers.

Now, that story about the planeful of passengers who didn't eat nuts because of the little girl with allergies - except for one bolshie blighter - is an example of LACK of consideration when the situation is known about.

It's not just perfume though, it's anything with perfume.

jingle has it spot on—it's a question of consideration for someone else's comfort and not about a "right" or otherwise to wear perfume.

Of course people can choose to wear perfume if they like but it's a bit mean to do so when you know someone you will be with has allergy problems. Strong perfumes can bring on asthma in people who are highly sensitive to such things. Having allergies is not something people choose and cannot be modified by 'choice'. Wearing perfume is and the choice can be modified depending on the circumstances.