Gransnet forums

Chat

Do you think they were right to ban him?

(133 Posts)
jinglbellsfrocks Fri 09-May-14 09:44:32

why would they?

I appreciate it's quite unusual (!) but he wasn't doing any harm to anyone. confused

thatbags Mon 12-May-14 08:29:56

But it is not actually wrong for anyone to own 100 dresses be they male or female. It's just not what most people would choose to spend their money on. Other people have other harmless hobbies/interests that use up a lot of money and nobody bats an eyelid.

Does anyone know why the mother publicised the story (other than because of the reported ban of the child from playgroup)? If we have no further information on that then we shouldn't be judging her for doing so.

Silverfish Mon 12-May-14 08:45:17

What is wrong with this mum, why cant she se that her boy will have to conform to certain rules as he gets older, he already wears boys school uniform so why not let him wear casual jean and t shirt etc for play group.
He must learn that certain things are appropriate for certain situations.
He can wear what he likes at home-end of story.

feetlebaum Mon 12-May-14 08:59:56

I've always hated the tyranny of the 'Dress Code' - yet oddly I have always dressed conventionally...

thatbags Mon 12-May-14 09:01:52

One could equally well ask What is wrong with people who freak out about a small kid in a dress just because they think he ought to be wearing something different?

He'll most probably grow out of this dressing-up phase naturally. Why not just leave him be?

Aka Mon 12-May-14 09:19:37

By 'dealt with' Bags I meant worked out quietly and without rancour on either side. Instead it has been blown up (by the mother) out of all proportion. I'd call her more than a 'silly bugger' but I'm not going to waste energy on this silly incident.

thatbags Mon 12-May-14 10:45:29

Surely it is the ban that has put things out of proportion? Banning a 5yo child from a playgroup for dressing up is bonkers.

thatbags Mon 12-May-14 10:46:46

Especially as they most probably would not ban a girl for dressing up as Spiderman or some other male character.

Aka Mon 12-May-14 11:01:12

Nothing to do of course with the mother blasting it all over the media so what was a fairly private matter between her and the after-school club is now a matter of speculation on this forum?

Oh silly me confused

thatbags Mon 12-May-14 11:13:08

Not if that came after the ban. It seems to me that her publicising is a consequence of the ban, not the ban a consequence of her publicising her child's dressing-up. In other words, one can see it as a reaction, a protest against unfair treatment. Why shouldn't she?

This is not saying it's how I would behave in similar circumstances but it is saying that I can understand someone else doing it. The ban is chock full of sexist prejudice. It's right to protest about such things.

thatbags Mon 12-May-14 11:14:56

And if you don't mind proesting publicly and making a big noise, then why not? Plenty of people protest publicly about plenty of things. One doesn't have to agree with them to defend their right to protest as loudly as they wish. She's not harming anyone.

Agus Mon 12-May-14 11:22:50

I don't feel the mother has done her little boy any favours by exposing him to all and sundry by taking this to the media. Has she thought about what is lurking out there?

I dressed up as a cowboy at that age and also longed to be an Indian squaw, a nurse etc. but I didn't have a hundred outfits for each character.

There is an unhealthy undertone to this story which is not just about a child enjoying dressing up.

thatbags Mon 12-May-14 11:24:44

I agree about the weirdness of the story, its apparent 'unhealthy' aspect, but that's not what I'm taking issue with.

thatbags Mon 12-May-14 11:25:51

The OP asked if the playgroup was wrong to ban the child. My answer to that question is Yes, they were wrong to do that.

The 100 dresses, etc, etc are other issues.

Agus Mon 12-May-14 11:39:15

I am wondering then bags if they also picked up on what I have and had concerns for the child.

There will no doubt be another side to the mother's story and we don't really know what that is.

I know the 100 outfits is not the issue but I think it is all,part of the unhealthy undertone.

I am only going on my instinct,to this story and it is not something I would have exposed my 5 yr old to.

Aka Mon 12-May-14 11:49:11

So why not negotiate a compromise? There are those whose whole attitude is 'no-one is going to tell me how to raise my child' and off they dash to the press who glorify in this sort of publicity. What a storm in a teacup.

So where is Dad in all this? And how will little Romeo feel in 10 years time when he comes across these photos of himself because they will always be 'out there'.

This mother is very lucky to find an after-school club for a £1 a week but she's willing to give that up so her over-indulged son can wear one of his 100 dresses there! He wears boys uniform at school. If he was a member of Beavers (or Brownies! ) he would have to stick to a dress code.

Let him wear his dresses at home, in the street, going shopping, anywhere but if she really cared about her son, how this makes him look splashed across the red tops, then she would have tried to reach some compromise with the after-school club.

Nonu Mon 12-May-14 11:51:56

Good posts angus & aka , must admit my thoughts exactly !

Ana Mon 12-May-14 11:57:49

The father is quoted as saying he's fine with his son dressing up and doesn't see a problem, Aka - and the after-school playgroup is only held once a week (although £1 is still cheap!).

I agree with those who think there may be more to this story than just the clothes issue.

Agus Mon 12-May-14 12:00:02

You are the 2nd one this week to call me Angus Nonu not an issue! just funny

I'm a woman, W O M A N, I'll say it again as in the song grin

Aka Mon 12-May-14 12:09:41

So all this fuss is for a once-a- week session?? shock

So let him wear his dresses the other six days FHS!

Agus Mon 12-May-14 12:15:44

Unfortunately, the person at the centre of this is only 5yrs old, far too young to understand what issues and rights are about.

I am not asking the mother to do anything to conform to society, but she is an adult and can make her own choice. Just stop and think what implications this will have on her little boy who needs guidance to accept that we can't all just do what we want.

Iam64 Mon 12-May-14 12:28:17

Agus and Aka - good comments

Thatbags - I worry about the emotional welfare of children whose parents seek to put them at the centre of a media storm. This boy is too young to give 'informed consent' to being the subject of this kind of publicity. We can only speculate about the family, but we wouldn't be doing that if this unnecessary publicity hadn't taken place.

Aka Mon 12-May-14 12:28:37

Good point Agus

Now I'd better get back to childminding. Granddad needs to take GS out to play football while I bake with GD wink

rosesarered Mon 12-May-14 12:40:21

I think most of the common sense posts say it all really. If a little boy likes to wear dresses, sense tells us that only allow this at home.If he doesn't grow out of it in a year then perhaps it's time for a talk with your GP.Some boys are really girls [if you know what I mean] and they need to confide how they feel to the parents.By making a big show of it at this age the Mother is doing him no favours at all, poor kid.It's a recipe for much future bullying.100 dresses indeed! Most girls don't have that amount, or anything like it.Makes you wonder about the parents.

Agus Mon 12-May-14 12:46:36

Must get on too. GD's 5th birthday today and plan to see her soon.

Have fun with your DGC Aka

Nonu Mon 12-May-14 12:51:29

AGUS , blush blush

can you ever forgive me ??

smile