my grandkids are moving

Two of my grandsons live in Luxembourg and I see them about 6 times a year. They come to see me and I go and visit them. Not ideal but as they were born out there, it's not quite the same as them moving away from the UK.

It never ceases to amaze me how much I love my three 'littles'! I always knew that I would be very fond of them, but actually I literally love them ALL to bits. Which one would I try to rescue if they were drowning, well, all three of them, and probably drown us everyone in the attempt!!! so I do feel extremely sorry for you fuzzyfeltnan, and don't really know what to say to make you feel better, except as someone else suggested, could you not move too to be closer to wherever it is they are going? I say this because we lived 150 miles away from our DGC, and as they got older we saw less and less of them, till in the end, two years ago, we 'up sticked' and moved to be closer and are now 45 miles away, and the difference has been amazing. We now see them at least twice a month instead of three or four times a year, the two younger ones (11 and 7) come to stay, and the eldest (14)who now begins to have a 'busy' life(!!) comes with DD to drop off and pick up. It's the best move we've ever made, well worth all the hassle and commotion moving entails. Might be worth a thought.

I saw my DD and tried to say how I feel without pushing any guilt her way. I had my two GC yesterday afternoon which was as always fun and exciting as we could get out into the garden and their little cousin came and played too...this of course makes your heart break to watch them all playing and laughing together, which in the future wont happen so much. I have stopped crying at last but feel they are there behind my eyes and could pour out at any minute. I have work today so will have to put on a brave face as I work with young children and they, as my DD and GC can't see my pain. I do have concerns about her dealing with the move, changes and her depression but I have to let her go and see for herself I am not going anywhere and will be here to welcome them back whether be for a visit or forever. I love them and love conquers all...xxx

Aka a very sobering thought. (((hugs)))

You have a very positive attitude fuzzy and will survive this. I know how you feel as my DD went to NZ and I thought I'd never see my GS1 grow up. I had many a cry and missed them so much, but they came back. Its my GS2 I will never ever see again. Who knows what the future holds?
Stay with us.

I expect someone has already said this, but you have been in my thoughts a lot and this has been nudging away in the background so I will say it anyway. I think your DD by choosing to share her news on a Valentine card was also telling you how much she loves you, which is rather lovely. Please keep the card because it is rather special

My dear friends thank you so much for all your thoughts and everyone is united in the same thing that time will help. I am a positive person and with my DD suffering with depression there have been many times when I didn't think I could find something to be positive about, but I always did, so I will this time. She has asked me to move with her but I have said not in the near future, I have my DS and my stepdaughter too, my other GS and GD and my sister and family and friends, my job and my lovely house. In my older age thinking 10 years from now, I am 60 this year, I will need that network of loved ones around me. My DD also has this network around her so of course when she moves she will not, but this is her choice and I will not make her feel guilty I will support, be positive and be there as I always have in the past. I have been on the net looking for ideas and ways of keeping my husband and I connected with our beautiful GC and have seen some lovely things to do, so in good old fashioned Mums way I will start the process asap to take my focus away from the upset. Bless you all and I now feel your pain too. xx

And I do not think that parents realise how much we grandparents love our GC - it is different from the love we had for our children when they were small, but just as intense. Your DD may not realise quite what this will mean to you at the beginning.

I do think that everyone on here is right - you will adapt and you will begin a new relationship with the little ones, that will be rewarding in its own way. You will be the treat they look forward to when you are able to visit, and you will treasure every moment with them - even those where the contact is over the ether.

We can't live our lives through our children or grandchildren, even if they are the most important things in our life.

Concerning the card - I'm not sure how the news should be broken. My son phoned and told me he had some exciting news. I thought another child was on the way! When I found that they were moving overseas I was in shock for a few moments but tried to remain cheerful and pleased for them. When the call ended I cried and cried. However, when I saw them the next day I was at least prepared for a proper talk. Perhaps that was their intention with the card. There's no way it will be an easy topic to discuss without tears on both sides but at least you've had some warning.
Don't make them feel guilty by letting them think your life is ruined. You have to take responsibility for your own happiness and make a new life which you will enjoy telling them about in your many letters and emails, etc.
It will get better when you have grieved a bit.

For us there are always lots of tears at the airport and the time difference makes everything more difficult. Do you think your daughter found it too difficult to tell you in person in case you reacted badly, that's why she wrote?

Give her a hug, tell her you hope they'll be happy where they move to and you hope to see them when they are settled. Send a lovely card and take a housewarming present when you go to visit.

for you fuzzy. I'm another one with DS and DGD living the other side of the Atlantic. They've been there nearly three years now, I found it very difficult when they told me that they were going and I miss them dreadfully. The first year I was fortunate enough to get out to see them three times but I haven't been able to get there for nearly a year now due to various problems here

I didn't believe people who told me that it would get easier but it has proved to be true. You do get more accepting of the situation but I do feel for you

Fuzzy You could move too. If you daughter moves away you could move near them, is that an option.

I totally understand how you feel and would feel the same.

fuzzyfeltnan sorry to hear of your situation.I suppose if this move lifts your daughter's spirits [as she has depression] perhaps it will be a good move for them as a family.You will miss them lots but will stay in contact and children are very resilient, and will be looking forward to the move with excitement, as most children do. None of us knows if or when our grown up children who live close by us will move away, sometimes their jobs and promotions demand it, and although a wrench for us, it's understandable. At the moment all ours live close to us, but it could always change.I have thought about this a lot and have decided that I don't want to be defined by just being a Grandma or a Mother, I am me, and have things that I want to do and see. I also get physically tired of too much day to day stuff needed with young children but perhaps you are lots younger than me and don't? I see this is a great shock to you [of course, and given the news in a card!] but I really hope that as time goes on, and you see they are happy, then you will feel happier too.

Oh I do understand. It's just so painful. I thought my heart would break and it did. Allow yourself time to cry. I too understood they were moving for a better life and it was right for them. It didn't stop it hurting though. They never knew but I'd be all bright on the telephone, FaceTime and Skype. But I'd howl when I ended the call. Like all things we learn to live with the pain. Take care

It is difficult when family move away. I had only 4 weeks notice of DD leaving UK, hers is a permanent relocation and she will not be returning. My best wishes to you and because you love them you will let them leave.

Sorry you are feeling so sad. It is hard, we have DS and DIL not far away with two dear little DGD. However, DD1 lives 12, 000 miles away in Australia and DGS was born over there. We do see them as often as we can so we are lucky, but it's not just an hour or so away, very expensive and I worry how much longer we will be able to manage the journey. Now DD2 has gone over there too (no children) and we miss her very much as well.

Little letters to your DC are nice, and hopefully they will write back, send pictures they have drawn, as well as phone and skype (we have given up on skype as it is so hopeless where DD1 lives.)

Hi fuzzyfeltnan - here is another long-distance nana who knows how your heart is aching. Our only DGD has always lived in the US, a 6,000 mile trip from Malta where we live. We visit, on average, once a year even though we are not that well off, but we do without a lot of things in order to save up for our trip. We Skype on a daily basis, usually when little one is having her breakfast, and she knows how much we love her. We are going over next week to be there for her third birthday so you can imagine how excited we all are! However, I shall be back on here at the beginning of April with a broken heart at having to leave her again. It will always be hard and not the way we would have chosen but you just have to be grateful for any time spent together and be proud that you raised children who are independent and doing a good job of being parents.

fuzzyfeltnan Welcome to GN I do hope you continue to read posts about long distance nanna's and the support it gives,I feel for you so much and know what you are going through we where away from our DGC for quite a few years when we lived abroad and our DD stayed in UK so the opposite to your DDs move,but congratulate yourself on bringing up your DD to be a fine young women who is doing what she & her DH think best for their children and their future life,you will find a way through this I'm sure.((hugs))

Thank you Kitty very wise kind words. My DD has depression and is on tablets, her DH is brilliant and is a very hands on husband the same as we have been very hands on GP, supporting, cleaning, school runs etc her in- laws also support from a distance although they are both retired and visit every other week and they all holiday together, we dont, added to the upset of them going is of course her depression, I can walk to their house at the moment in 5 mins..even so I go there when I am needed which has been a lot, but leave them when not, I don't believe in living in families pockets.
I have a DS and DiL with a gorgeous GS who is 3 they live 10mins in a car. I see them lots too my son was also sent a card. And I have a Step daughter who has a DD who is nearly 1, they live 40mins away we do not see them so much prob once or twice a month, knowing how hard it has been to build a relationship with our little GD I can see how it will be when the other two go.
Oh being a parent is so hard. I hope I can find some strength from somewhere so I can enjoy the time I have with my littlies now and be able to take some of your advice, xxx

Welcome to GN, Fuzzy.

I agree with everything everyone has said above but would add that, as you have had such a full on and good relationship with your GC up to now, you will always be part of them.

We had DD2 and her almost one year old live with us for nearly 4 months and, as a result, she and DH, her Pa, have a really strong bond.

So just keep in touch, visually if you can, and do your best to visit as often as possible.

Was your daughter worried about letting you know? Was that the reason for including it in a Valentine's card? She might be apprehensive about leaving you as you have been so close up to now. You have to smile bravely, let them go and tell her what a good thing it is that she is doing.

And, keep talking to us about this and anything else that takes your fancy.

Fuzzyfeltnan, I am sorry that you've been dealt this blow. Can I ask why they are moving?

Fuzzy - my heart goes out to you, but please do try and remember that this is the initial pain, and, just as a wound is very painful initially, this too will subside as time passes. Your life will have a different pattern, but different is not always bad.

I too would be as distressed as you are, but, as others have said, it is a sign of a job well done that your DD is able to fly off to a new life with self-confidence.

Look for the positives - you obviously have a good relationship with her and the GC and the aim, above all else, must be to retain this - in a different form and a different way. Your visits (though infrequent) will take on the hallmark of special a treat for the GC - something for them to look forward to. And not having such frequent contact may not be a bad thing - as you get older, the responsibility of caring for little ones becomes harder, and from now on your visits will be less frequent but maybe leave you time to tackle these visits with greater energy, having had in-between time to recharge your batteries.

Getting to grips with helping your DD with some of her practical preparations sharing the excitement of something new with the GC - these will be positive contributions that you can make that will help you over the nextbfew weeks.

Do you have other children and GC who will be more visitable?

From the tone of your posts it is clear that you will deal with this in the best way possible, wishing your DD well, whilst at the same time sharing some of your sadness.

You need friends around to soothe the initial sting - and here we are!

Thank you everyone for your thoughts and kind wishes, in miles they are not the other side of the world but it will be ferrys etc to get to them and like I said money is very tight, we have no savings so that is adding to the worry, if I had a bulging bank account I suppose the worry of travel wouldn't be so bad. I do use facebook myself and use the net etc so tech stuff wont phase me, its not seeing them that will !I have lots of hobbies sewing, gardening, walking etc and my DH and I have a brilliant relationship, he is devastated too he loves them so much. I will have to try and move on and find the positives in this , as Mums always do, but it is going to be the hardest thing I have ever done. I have read the threads and will keep going back to them, it all helps. Bless you all x

Further to my previous post I have found Gransnet to be a huge comfort. Like you my first post was about the anguish I felt. Everyone on here is so kind and will listen to you. Being a grandparent is something your children just don't yet understand. On Gransnet you can share your problems with people in a similar situation and it will help. Try to feel happy for them - don,t make them feel guilty for hurting you as that was not their intention I'm sure. Let them fly.