my grandkids are moving

Fuzzy I feel very sad for you, that wasn't a very kind way of telling you they are moving and must have been a real shock.

You've brought up your children and now they have to live their own lives. That is the role of a mother.........to let them go once you've done your best to prepare them for life.

It all seems so bad at the moment but you will come to terms with the situation and find a way to see them.

Lona has said it all fuzzyfeltnan. Whilst you must feel devastated right now, you will cope and you will find ways of seeing them all; the visits proving even more special. (((hugs)))

Oh fuzzyfeltnan I do feel for you. It must seem like a bad dream indeed. Keep posting and let your feelings out on GN ((((hugs))))

I could cry for you. I don't know what to say.
How far away are they moving to. Is it that far away that you can only visit twice a year. I know it was cruel the way your DD told you, but she must have known how hurt you would be and could not face you.

This happened to me last summer. My son accepted a job overseas which will last for several years. Within three months they had sold up and gone with my two beloved grandsons. I have tried to remain positive as it has been a wonderful opportunity for them all. They are now settled and enjoying a huge adventure, the children seem happy and we are filling our lives with other things.
We communicate mainly through Facebook so that all the family can see photos, etc. and we have a skype call about once a month - their internet is very expensive and patchy - but it is wonderful to see the boys in real time. I do worry sometimes that they will forget us but hope not. I post little thing in my letters, stickers, books, etc. We are planning a visit later this year but it will be over a year after they left. I tell myself that they might have moved away anyway and that our frequent babysitting days we're numbered. Life is always changing.
The first few weeks were very hard and I used to suffer almost panic attacks when I thought how far away they were. Now, after four months, we have settled into a new routine and enjoy a more leisurely lifestyle (babysitting is very strenuous at times). We have developed hobbies and planned days out which we never had time for before.
The first thing I do each day is to check Facebook for any news of them. I'm so pleased with any new photos of the boys. It does get easier.
There is a thread on here about long-distant grandparents with some good advice.
Try to be positive - they are well, happy and thriving. As parents we have done a good job!

I know I too would be devastated in your situation. I really feel for you. There are grans on here who cope with this. There are also a few who don't even have contact with their GC. Apart from saying Skype is a wonderful think I have no real comfort to offer. Perhaps one of these others do. ((hugs))

Fuzzy you don't say how far away they are moving? I have never been near to my GC's but am very lucky in being able to travel to stay with them as often as I can. 4 are in Sydney and 4 are 450 miles away. Skype is the answer and lots of phone calls as well. It isn't easy especially as in your case you have been so close to them for so long. As Rockgran says, life is always changing. I and many other GNetters have recently been widowed and coming to terms with the loneliness as well as the distance from family is hard, but you just have to make up your mind and get on with it as nothing is going to change the circumstances. I can understand your pain and feelings of grief but, truly, time will help and you will become used to your new way of life and develop a new routine.

Further to my previous post I have found Gransnet to be a huge comfort. Like you my first post was about the anguish I felt. Everyone on here is so kind and will listen to you. Being a grandparent is something your children just don't yet understand. On Gransnet you can share your problems with people in a similar situation and it will help. Try to feel happy for them - don,t make them feel guilty for hurting you as that was not their intention I'm sure. Let them fly.

Thank you everyone for your thoughts and kind wishes, in miles they are not the other side of the world but it will be ferrys etc to get to them and like I said money is very tight, we have no savings so that is adding to the worry, if I had a bulging bank account I suppose the worry of travel wouldn't be so bad. I do use facebook myself and use the net etc so tech stuff wont phase me, its not seeing them that will !I have lots of hobbies sewing, gardening, walking etc and my DH and I have a brilliant relationship, he is devastated too he loves them so much. I will have to try and move on and find the positives in this , as Mums always do, but it is going to be the hardest thing I have ever done. I have read the threads and will keep going back to them, it all helps. Bless you all x

Fuzzy - my heart goes out to you, but please do try and remember that this is the initial pain, and, just as a wound is very painful initially, this too will subside as time passes. Your life will have a different pattern, but different is not always bad.

I too would be as distressed as you are, but, as others have said, it is a sign of a job well done that your DD is able to fly off to a new life with self-confidence.

Look for the positives - you obviously have a good relationship with her and the GC and the aim, above all else, must be to retain this - in a different form and a different way. Your visits (though infrequent) will take on the hallmark of special a treat for the GC - something for them to look forward to. And not having such frequent contact may not be a bad thing - as you get older, the responsibility of caring for little ones becomes harder, and from now on your visits will be less frequent but maybe leave you time to tackle these visits with greater energy, having had in-between time to recharge your batteries.

Getting to grips with helping your DD with some of her practical preparations sharing the excitement of something new with the GC - these will be positive contributions that you can make that will help you over the nextbfew weeks.

Do you have other children and GC who will be more visitable?

From the tone of your posts it is clear that you will deal with this in the best way possible, wishing your DD well, whilst at the same time sharing some of your sadness.

You need friends around to soothe the initial sting - and here we are!

Fuzzyfeltnan, I am sorry that you've been dealt this blow. Can I ask why they are moving?

Welcome to GN, Fuzzy.

I agree with everything everyone has said above but would add that, as you have had such a full on and good relationship with your GC up to now, you will always be part of them.

We had DD2 and her almost one year old live with us for nearly 4 months and, as a result, she and DH, her Pa, have a really strong bond.

So just keep in touch, visually if you can, and do your best to visit as often as possible.

Was your daughter worried about letting you know? Was that the reason for including it in a Valentine's card? She might be apprehensive about leaving you as you have been so close up to now. You have to smile bravely, let them go and tell her what a good thing it is that she is doing.

And, keep talking to us about this and anything else that takes your fancy.

Thank you Kitty very wise kind words. My DD has depression and is on tablets, her DH is brilliant and is a very hands on husband the same as we have been very hands on GP, supporting, cleaning, school runs etc her in- laws also support from a distance although they are both retired and visit every other week and they all holiday together, we dont, added to the upset of them going is of course her depression, I can walk to their house at the moment in 5 mins..even so I go there when I am needed which has been a lot, but leave them when not, I don't believe in living in families pockets.
I have a DS and DiL with a gorgeous GS who is 3 they live 10mins in a car. I see them lots too my son was also sent a card. And I have a Step daughter who has a DD who is nearly 1, they live 40mins away we do not see them so much prob once or twice a month, knowing how hard it has been to build a relationship with our little GD I can see how it will be when the other two go.
Oh being a parent is so hard. I hope I can find some strength from somewhere so I can enjoy the time I have with my littlies now and be able to take some of your advice, xxx

fuzzyfeltnan Welcome to GN I do hope you continue to read posts about long distance nanna's and the support it gives,I feel for you so much and know what you are going through we where away from our DGC for quite a few years when we lived abroad and our DD stayed in UK so the opposite to your DDs move,but congratulate yourself on bringing up your DD to be a fine young women who is doing what she & her DH think best for their children and their future life,you will find a way through this I'm sure.((hugs))

Hi fuzzyfeltnan - here is another long-distance nana who knows how your heart is aching. Our only DGD has always lived in the US, a 6,000 mile trip from Malta where we live. We visit, on average, once a year even though we are not that well off, but we do without a lot of things in order to save up for our trip. We Skype on a daily basis, usually when little one is having her breakfast, and she knows how much we love her. We are going over next week to be there for her third birthday so you can imagine how excited we all are! However, I shall be back on here at the beginning of April with a broken heart at having to leave her again. It will always be hard and not the way we would have chosen but you just have to be grateful for any time spent together and be proud that you raised children who are independent and doing a good job of being parents.

Sorry you are feeling so sad. It is hard, we have DS and DIL not far away with two dear little DGD. However, DD1 lives 12, 000 miles away in Australia and DGS was born over there. We do see them as often as we can so we are lucky, but it's not just an hour or so away, very expensive and I worry how much longer we will be able to manage the journey. Now DD2 has gone over there too (no children) and we miss her very much as well.

Little letters to your DC are nice, and hopefully they will write back, send pictures they have drawn, as well as phone and skype (we have given up on skype as it is so hopeless where DD1 lives.)

It is difficult when family move away. I had only 4 weeks notice of DD leaving UK, hers is a permanent relocation and she will not be returning. My best wishes to you and because you love them you will let them leave.

Oh I do understand. It's just so painful. I thought my heart would break and it did. Allow yourself time to cry. I too understood they were moving for a better life and it was right for them. It didn't stop it hurting though. They never knew but I'd be all bright on the telephone, FaceTime and Skype. But I'd howl when I ended the call. Like all things we learn to live with the pain. Take care

fuzzyfeltnan sorry to hear of your situation.I suppose if this move lifts your daughter's spirits [as she has depression] perhaps it will be a good move for them as a family.You will miss them lots but will stay in contact and children are very resilient, and will be looking forward to the move with excitement, as most children do. None of us knows if or when our grown up children who live close by us will move away, sometimes their jobs and promotions demand it, and although a wrench for us, it's understandable. At the moment all ours live close to us, but it could always change.I have thought about this a lot and have decided that I don't want to be defined by just being a Grandma or a Mother, I am me, and have things that I want to do and see. I also get physically tired of too much day to day stuff needed with young children but perhaps you are lots younger than me and don't? I see this is a great shock to you [of course, and given the news in a card!] but I really hope that as time goes on, and you see they are happy, then you will feel happier too.

Fuzzy You could move too. If you daughter moves away you could move near them, is that an option.

I totally understand how you feel and would feel the same.

for you fuzzy. I'm another one with DS and DGD living the other side of the Atlantic. They've been there nearly three years now, I found it very difficult when they told me that they were going and I miss them dreadfully. The first year I was fortunate enough to get out to see them three times but I haven't been able to get there for nearly a year now due to various problems here

I didn't believe people who told me that it would get easier but it has proved to be true. You do get more accepting of the situation but I do feel for you

For us there are always lots of tears at the airport and the time difference makes everything more difficult. Do you think your daughter found it too difficult to tell you in person in case you reacted badly, that's why she wrote?

Give her a hug, tell her you hope they'll be happy where they move to and you hope to see them when they are settled. Send a lovely card and take a housewarming present when you go to visit.

Concerning the card - I'm not sure how the news should be broken. My son phoned and told me he had some exciting news. I thought another child was on the way! When I found that they were moving overseas I was in shock for a few moments but tried to remain cheerful and pleased for them. When the call ended I cried and cried. However, when I saw them the next day I was at least prepared for a proper talk. Perhaps that was their intention with the card. There's no way it will be an easy topic to discuss without tears on both sides but at least you've had some warning.
Don't make them feel guilty by letting them think your life is ruined. You have to take responsibility for your own happiness and make a new life which you will enjoy telling them about in your many letters and emails, etc.
It will get better when you have grieved a bit.

We can't live our lives through our children or grandchildren, even if they are the most important things in our life.