How odd, and definitely no fun

A bag of peanuts– "may contain nuts". One hopes so.

Poster: 'Ideal Eyes'
Underneath: 'Buy one get one free'.....

And 'This door is alarmed'
...I hope it doesn't get frightened..........

You don't know what it might do!

Intrigued by the OP, I had a look at one of OH's tubs of ready-mixed filler, and noted that the makers claim their product:

Will not flash or grin
Resists slumping

DIY is so dull!

I bought, "24 wooden clothespegs. Ideal for pegging out your clothes" from Wilko.

There you go, I knew that some of you might think I was making it up! The packet of Polyfilla that Mr P was using definitely says "No flashing or grinning"

Slightly different wording to the product that Anagram looked at, as that one seems to give a certain reassurance that the product will neither expose itself or indulge in unseemly smirking, whereas ours seems to be some sort of instruction as to how to behave whilst using it.

(Is it just me, feel free to tell me if you think I'm a bit weird/odd/delete where not applicable, or on second thoughts don't, as I'm a bit concerned about the current state of my mental health.)

phoenix found this on a DIY website!!

Grinning ThroughPrevious paint can still be seen beneath the new coatingTo avoid: Apply paint evenly. Avoid brushing out too much. Apply further coats

FlashingPatchy uneven appearance of the coating when looked at from different anglesTo avoid: Apply paint quickly and evenly. Avoid touching up after initial application

Not as exciting as the secret life of paint, but:
I could never understand the instruction on bottles of squash to "Dilute to taste" - surely it tastes much stronger when not diluted?

I liked old instructions on jam pots 'pierce with pin and push off'

nanaej, I'm almost sorry you posted that explanation of flashing and grinning...could have kept us speculating for hours....!

I still think yours makes a promise, ours gives an instruction!

Yes, agree - mine's no fun at all!

I don't think either of them are!

Wonder if the cheapo fillers bear the message:

CAUTION! Flashing and grinning may occur!

Porbably not, because no doubt some people might buy them in the hope that they did, and then attempt to sue on disappointment grounds.

Oh, you old cynic, phoenix!

On a packet of cashews "Caution: may contain nuts."

On a bottle of fizzy water: "suitable for vegetarians"

Slightly different but - I always laugh at signs saying 'Bill stickers will be prosecuted' 'cos I remember someone writing underneath 'leave poor old Bill S alone!. Same when there's a war film and they say 'Fire at will' - I always say 'leave poor old Will alone'.

I have a new microwave where the instructions - a very bad translation from the Chinese - are written as if there are 99 seconds in a minute and 99 minutes in an hour! The decimal clock has arrived!!! in my kitchen anyway.

Large plant crossing!

Triffids?

Yes! I always thought it meant triffids!

I remember a packet of couscous I had....it gave instructions and then said at the end ...'and God willing you will have a lovely meal...'