Between the devil and the deep blue sea

Nanny sue and grandad are here we had a few minutes lets clear the air,say what you need to,where we go from here,move on,they have been relly lovely.we have had a lovely lunch playing snooker and darts ,they are now watching a film.....ah I love them all......families eh . Xxx

What a relief for you nelliedeane ...long may it last

This sounds encouraging nelliedeane The one thing I am sensing is that you are bearing much of this burden alone and your X could and should share some of it with you. I know you are there for the day to day stuff but a united front might help you to know you are supported.

Yes that is true * Gracesmum* I have alway,s been the link that holds the family together...but I cannot stand the arguments

I am so glad you have had a good day , nellie. Once again, you have coped with another difficult situation with your usual tact and empathy.

nellie it is tough managing and loving a child who has been hurt and damaged as Eisha has been. You are her rock and doing a very difficult job well. Is Eisha officially a looked after child? If so do you have access to any additional support through children's services? Take care of yourself..

nellie you have my full admiration! What a generous and loving woman you are for Eisha. You give her the space to vent her feelings and you create surroundings for her to deal with some difficult memories, and when she understandably goes off on one, your concern is for her to be treated with sensitivity and support. I'm so glad things have gone well, due in no small part to your efforts. You deserve a medal!

I think you're amazing nellie and you deserve a and a and ...

Wot! No grin? I think she deserves the lot!

I didn't want to hog them all!

from me, nellie. You're a star!

tech have problems with getting us a 'crescent moon'!
Don't start asking for the stars as well
Are we going to keep the flag during the Olympics?
I STILL WANT MY CRESCENT MOON!

First of all I think you should stop worrying about the fact that expensive presents from them are getting smashed up. Worry about the child smashing things up, yes. That's understandable. But you have explained the situation to them and if they cannot take the trouble to understand, then they must bear the costs financially. Or stop giving the presents.

Definitely stop worrying about them and their feelings. You have enough to worry about with the child.

You have got an awful lot to deal with. You are doing an amazing job.

You have got to toughen up towards ex and his partner, Nellie. Stop trying to please everyone. Your number one concern has to be the child, and looking after yourself.

Jing!
Excellent advice!
Well said!

* nellie* (((hug)))

Jingle is right - you have enough to think about without being concerned about them wasting money on items they know will most likely get ruined. They now need to think more carefully about what they should do in future.

Great advice from jingle. Material things are never the answer anyway.

The most important thing you are doing for your granddaughter nellie is giving her your unconditional love. You truly are a star. ★

How did you do that faye??? So true about the unconditional love - you can't put a price on that.

Phew, nelliedean - I am glad you have found GN to give you some support after all you have been through and continue to deal with.
You have probably covered this in therapy but someone once pointed out that people often have a favourite form of emotional expression which they resort to. Many women cry when they are angry for instance. Great physical release. My sons at that age both "did" anger when they felt sad. Still remember the day the dog died which they spent lashing out.
The positives are that she has you, she is not doing it outside the home (is that right? is she disruptive or have outbursts in school?) and that she is not lashing out at other people. But it would be really nice for you and her if she could move on a bit soon.
Have you tried finding a way of getting her to agree to attack something that will not break? A punchbag? Smashing up or stamping on a pile of sturdy cardboard boxes? This would give her the physical release. And she would not be punished.

Nelliedean, congratulations to you and your OH for being so amazing!!!!! You care so much, you are doing a great job, your granddaughter is so fortunate to have you in her life. Sorry it's so tough for you sometimes. Hope you are looking after yourself.

My son put his fist through the shed window when he was a teenager.

I was bad too. I've always been a thrower.

Not now though. Funnily enough.

You are a fine woman, nellliedeane. You are the sun, moon and stars to that young girl, who will be dealing with adolescence as well as all the emotional damage received in her younger life. There aren't enough words to describe what you and she have been through together. Sometimes you'll no doubt be feeling you're 'running on empty', but when that happens you know you'll always get a warm arm round your shoulders from your friends on here. Take good care of yourself.

It is hard when you are being the strong one for everyone nellie but I doubt if you will change if it is in your nature. Once everyone has got used to you dealing with it all it is very unlikely that they will change unless it is you who has the crisis.

All you can do is your best and it seems that is what you are doing. I doubt if many teenagers appreciate what their main carer does for them until they are a lot older and I am sure you are doing it out of love without expecting gratitude.

Do try to find a little time for yourself in all this. You are important too but it is so easy to forget that.

Take care Nellie

I copied it gracesmum I tried to find the alt keys for it and they don't work on my laptop. They are [ ★ ] solid star = Alt + 9733 [ ☆ ] star outline = Alt + 9734.