How to deal with doom-y thoughts

Disabled husband died last year. Children 100 m away and often message get in touch when you’re feeling better-it’s a long story…
I dread being unable to take care of myself or serious illness. The fear is truly debilitating. I’m guessing most have this to a degree.
Friends are kind but often feel like aquaintances.
I hate asking!
I sympathise. Our hospital officially worst in country, will likely pull its an and e and them it’s 50 m to Norwich. Guess it’ll mean no visitors if I ever end up there.

This time of year doesn't help gloomy thinking as the nights draw in and bad weather can make us feel cooped up indoors.

I've started waking up in the middle of the night with that awful sinking feeling and sense of dread. I help myself by using the 3-3-3 technique to distract the mind ...

- Spot 3 different objects in the room

- Identify 3 different sounds. (This usually requires making them myself in the dead of night!)

- Move 3 different parts of the body

I find doing this nudges me out of that half awake, brooding mindset which encourages dark thoughts.

Another thing I've started doing is actively researching what might be involved when DH or myself develop health problems. So far we've made contact with occupational health to help with DH's polymyalgia rheumatica. Also friends with different conditions are recommending care agencies

I very much doubt there would be anyone not feeling how you do given tge treatment you experienced. Dreadful. Make an appointment with GP, the outcone of your A & E visit should be on your medical records and you need to discuss the outcome with GP and how it has left you feeling. Take care and be generous to yourself.

Sorry to hear. Ive no advice but my thoughts are with you x

petra

When are we going to take out the word Service from the NHS. Because for far too many people it’s not.
I’ve said it before but I’ll say it again: I will have to be unconscious before I go into Southend Hospital again 🤬

I agree! Even though I'm a massive NHS supporter. Our local is a huge teaching hospital but A&E is - and I'm in no way exaggerating - like a war zone.
You can't walk between beds. After a car accident I waited hours in the ambulance outside, then in a corridor lined up with 50 other gurneys. I told DH and DS that I don't care how bad it gets I'm not going in again. Nurses and doctors (I know several) work their butts off but can't give people the care and attention they need.
CarrotTop - everyone here feels for you like mad and anyone else in this awful situation. As if life isn't challenging enough for you without that on top.

Carrot and Katy your feelings are entirely justified. It's trauma.
It's just not good enough to be treated poorly, I'm so sorry.

I agree with albertina, I try to go outside in the fresh air and/ do some gardening. This really helps me, especially being in a garden or park, it really does lift my spirits. It always works for me. Apparently going outside into the daylight helps us to re set our body clock. It is also really important to look after ourselves, and be kind to ourselves. Part of that self care is recognising that you are loved by your husband, unconditionally. Whenever we are ill, my DH looks after me and vice versa. I do have more frequent moments now that I am getting older, and our grown up children live away, when I realise that 1 of us is likely to be alone, and that fills me with that horrible feeling of dread you are describing. Someone told me that nothing can prepare you for that moment, and to distract yourself. I think it is anxiety. So, what I do is to work, I read alot, I am learning different languages, with gym several times a week, whilst listening to music. These activities help me, as they completely distract me and so they do help to lift my mood. My DH and I will also try to watch uplifting drama, and, yes, we love comedies, as laughter helps. Good for Gransnet. You and I are a part of this lovely, caring, albeit "remote" or "virtual"community, but yes, almost all of us can relate to you and to how you must feel. Remember this, that you definitely not alone, as many among us also can get that horrible feeling of dread unfortunately. As others have said your GP will be able to advise. Maybe also write down things that you are feeling, and what you would like to change and to happen to make your life less stressful. I do hope that you can get more support, and that it will help you moving forward. Remember that there is help out there for you. There are people who care. I hope that this helps a bit. Sending best wishes.

Feeling not quite all there - do get to your GP for antibiotics and if you can, get a dental checkup, both UTI and gum infections like gingivitis are causes of that.

We women do not take care of ourselves as we should.
My GP takes a bit of getting to, but they are brilliant. I feel a bit like a hypochondriac, I have been so often recently, but a new doc took one look at my long term "indigestion" and got my gall bladder whipped out, and is investigating my liver, and during conversations, sent me to the urinary clinic (6 months and "nappy" free).

Absolutely NO faith in our dreadful A&E, butt some of that is the timewasters going in with coughs and colds

It sounds like the episode could be triggered by stress, or it could be something as simple as dehydration, but not having a drink at A&E wouldn’t have helped at all. The treatment you received was absolutely appalling, both there and at your GP’s, but sadly it seems not that unusual. Do ask to see another GP next time you go and have a list with you of things you need to discuss. Even if they can’t get to the bottom of it they should know you and DH are vulnerable and that you have become really down and anxious.
DM had a similar episode to yours, and forgot everything and everyone for a day. They didn’t really get to the bottom of it, although she was in a really stressful situation at the time, but she never had another one in the many years she lived. A friend also had a UTI and was delirious but it only happened once. I hope maybe that helps you to feel just a tiny bit more hopeful. Sending you good wishes.

I get it,too. My husband has memory issues which are getting worse and so do I but mine isn’t as bad. I have a dread of institutional care , I couldn’t stand it and I get paranoid when OH has to go to hospital as he does sometimes. He always did all the finances etc but now I am having to do that and I hate it. I have become his carer but it isn’t easily accepted by him because he has always been very brainy and academic.
Ah well, others are much worse off, I know.

I lay awake, as usual, during the night, and thought of you, and all of you, l triedto join in spirit alongside you, I hope you felt it.. you are not alone,, we are not alone

I go onto a morning meditation on Insight Timer ...
Morning Meditatio with Music by Jonathan Lehmann.
It lasts 10 minutes and as well as gentle music and meditation it has 7 affirmations to help you start the day with positivity.
You do not have to pay to be on Insight Timer ... when those options come up, just skip them. There are lots of free meditations etc.
This morning routine does not wipe out my miseries but it helps a bit.

polnan

I lay awake, as usual, during the night, and thought of you, and all of you, l triedto join in spirit alongside you, I hope you felt it.. you are not alone,, we are not alone

That's lovely and I'm sorry you are going through hard times.

MayBee70 I don't really like sleep tapes with people speaking. I prefer just the music.

I totally sympathaise with you Carrottop and like many others I am also a 24/7 carer for my DH. Thankfully most of the time I am fit and healthy but after tripping over a few years ago, I now suffer from Trigeminal Neuralgia, named after the nerves in the face, which was damaged from the fall. The pain is like toothache but ten times worst. It is rare , associated with patints with MS. As no training has been given, doctors think its a migraine; which it is not, nor it is a headache . Anyway the journey to the diagnoses was long, two years of frustration, with just about everyone in the NHS dimissing my plight. Cutting long painful story short I eventually had a MRI scan and a letter from the Consultant confirmed this condition.

This condition can be triggered by anything from a sneeze to a puff of wind. My last attack was so bad I went to GP, with my letter, but was yet again dismissed with a migraine. After two days of total disability, my sick DH took me to A&E. Had the usual wait and was told to come back the next day to the ambulatory unit, There I had the usual checks, and thankful I remembered to give the doctor my letter. She phoned the consultant, who confirmd the problem and prescribe the pills. There is no official medicine for this condition but these pills worked. To this day there has been no follow up and like my husband we are left to get on with it.

This experience did leave me scarred, vunerable and worried about what would happen to my husband if I went first. However, one postive thing that came out of this was that my husband also realised what I , as his carer , do for him and he is now more appreciative of our situation because if I am imcapactiy he has no one.

We also realised the NHS is good for emergencies anything else, take a pill.