How to deal with doom-y thoughts

I totally sympathaise with you Carrottop and like many others I am also a 24/7 carer for my DH. Thankfully most of the time I am fit and healthy but after tripping over a few years ago, I now suffer from Trigeminal Neuralgia, named after the nerves in the face, which was damaged from the fall. The pain is like toothache but ten times worst. It is rare , associated with patints with MS. As no training has been given, doctors think its a migraine; which it is not, nor it is a headache . Anyway the journey to the diagnoses was long, two years of frustration, with just about everyone in the NHS dimissing my plight. Cutting long painful story short I eventually had a MRI scan and a letter from the Consultant confirmed this condition.

This condition can be triggered by anything from a sneeze to a puff of wind. My last attack was so bad I went to GP, with my letter, but was yet again dismissed with a migraine. After two days of total disability, my sick DH took me to A&E. Had the usual wait and was told to come back the next day to the ambulatory unit, There I had the usual checks, and thankful I remembered to give the doctor my letter. She phoned the consultant, who confirmd the problem and prescribe the pills. There is no official medicine for this condition but these pills worked. To this day there has been no follow up and like my husband we are left to get on with it.

This experience did leave me scarred, vunerable and worried about what would happen to my husband if I went first. However, one postive thing that came out of this was that my husband also realised what I , as his carer , do for him and he is now more appreciative of our situation because if I am imcapactiy he has no one.

We also realised the NHS is good for emergencies anything else, take a pill.

MayBee70 I don't really like sleep tapes with people speaking. I prefer just the music.

polnan

I lay awake, as usual, during the night, and thought of you, and all of you, l triedto join in spirit alongside you, I hope you felt it.. you are not alone,, we are not alone

That's lovely and I'm sorry you are going through hard times.

I go onto a morning meditation on Insight Timer ...
Morning Meditatio with Music by Jonathan Lehmann.
It lasts 10 minutes and as well as gentle music and meditation it has 7 affirmations to help you start the day with positivity.
You do not have to pay to be on Insight Timer ... when those options come up, just skip them. There are lots of free meditations etc.
This morning routine does not wipe out my miseries but it helps a bit.

I lay awake, as usual, during the night, and thought of you, and all of you, l triedto join in spirit alongside you, I hope you felt it.. you are not alone,, we are not alone

I get it,too. My husband has memory issues which are getting worse and so do I but mine isn’t as bad. I have a dread of institutional care , I couldn’t stand it and I get paranoid when OH has to go to hospital as he does sometimes. He always did all the finances etc but now I am having to do that and I hate it. I have become his carer but it isn’t easily accepted by him because he has always been very brainy and academic.
Ah well, others are much worse off, I know.

It sounds like the episode could be triggered by stress, or it could be something as simple as dehydration, but not having a drink at A&E wouldn’t have helped at all. The treatment you received was absolutely appalling, both there and at your GP’s, but sadly it seems not that unusual. Do ask to see another GP next time you go and have a list with you of things you need to discuss. Even if they can’t get to the bottom of it they should know you and DH are vulnerable and that you have become really down and anxious.
DM had a similar episode to yours, and forgot everything and everyone for a day. They didn’t really get to the bottom of it, although she was in a really stressful situation at the time, but she never had another one in the many years she lived. A friend also had a UTI and was delirious but it only happened once. I hope maybe that helps you to feel just a tiny bit more hopeful. Sending you good wishes.

Feeling not quite all there - do get to your GP for antibiotics and if you can, get a dental checkup, both UTI and gum infections like gingivitis are causes of that.

We women do not take care of ourselves as we should.
My GP takes a bit of getting to, but they are brilliant. I feel a bit like a hypochondriac, I have been so often recently, but a new doc took one look at my long term "indigestion" and got my gall bladder whipped out, and is investigating my liver, and during conversations, sent me to the urinary clinic (6 months and "nappy" free).

Absolutely NO faith in our dreadful A&E, butt some of that is the timewasters going in with coughs and colds

I agree with albertina, I try to go outside in the fresh air and/ do some gardening. This really helps me, especially being in a garden or park, it really does lift my spirits. It always works for me. Apparently going outside into the daylight helps us to re set our body clock. It is also really important to look after ourselves, and be kind to ourselves. Part of that self care is recognising that you are loved by your husband, unconditionally. Whenever we are ill, my DH looks after me and vice versa. I do have more frequent moments now that I am getting older, and our grown up children live away, when I realise that 1 of us is likely to be alone, and that fills me with that horrible feeling of dread you are describing. Someone told me that nothing can prepare you for that moment, and to distract yourself. I think it is anxiety. So, what I do is to work, I read alot, I am learning different languages, with gym several times a week, whilst listening to music. These activities help me, as they completely distract me and so they do help to lift my mood. My DH and I will also try to watch uplifting drama, and, yes, we love comedies, as laughter helps. Good for Gransnet. You and I are a part of this lovely, caring, albeit "remote" or "virtual"community, but yes, almost all of us can relate to you and to how you must feel. Remember this, that you definitely not alone, as many among us also can get that horrible feeling of dread unfortunately. As others have said your GP will be able to advise. Maybe also write down things that you are feeling, and what you would like to change and to happen to make your life less stressful. I do hope that you can get more support, and that it will help you moving forward. Remember that there is help out there for you. There are people who care. I hope that this helps a bit. Sending best wishes.

Carrot and Katy your feelings are entirely justified. It's trauma.
It's just not good enough to be treated poorly, I'm so sorry.

petra

When are we going to take out the word Service from the NHS. Because for far too many people it’s not.
I’ve said it before but I’ll say it again: I will have to be unconscious before I go into Southend Hospital again 🤬

I agree! Even though I'm a massive NHS supporter. Our local is a huge teaching hospital but A&E is - and I'm in no way exaggerating - like a war zone.
You can't walk between beds. After a car accident I waited hours in the ambulance outside, then in a corridor lined up with 50 other gurneys. I told DH and DS that I don't care how bad it gets I'm not going in again. Nurses and doctors (I know several) work their butts off but can't give people the care and attention they need.
CarrotTop - everyone here feels for you like mad and anyone else in this awful situation. As if life isn't challenging enough for you without that on top.

Sorry to hear. Ive no advice but my thoughts are with you x

I very much doubt there would be anyone not feeling how you do given tge treatment you experienced. Dreadful. Make an appointment with GP, the outcone of your A & E visit should be on your medical records and you need to discuss the outcome with GP and how it has left you feeling. Take care and be generous to yourself.

This time of year doesn't help gloomy thinking as the nights draw in and bad weather can make us feel cooped up indoors.

I've started waking up in the middle of the night with that awful sinking feeling and sense of dread. I help myself by using the 3-3-3 technique to distract the mind ...

- Spot 3 different objects in the room

- Identify 3 different sounds. (This usually requires making them myself in the dead of night!)

- Move 3 different parts of the body

I find doing this nudges me out of that half awake, brooding mindset which encourages dark thoughts.

Another thing I've started doing is actively researching what might be involved when DH or myself develop health problems. So far we've made contact with occupational health to help with DH's polymyalgia rheumatica. Also friends with different conditions are recommending care agencies

Disabled husband died last year. Children 100 m away and often message get in touch when you’re feeling better-it’s a long story…
I dread being unable to take care of myself or serious illness. The fear is truly debilitating. I’m guessing most have this to a degree.
Friends are kind but often feel like aquaintances.
I hate asking!
I sympathise. Our hospital officially worst in country, will likely pull its an and e and them it’s 50 m to Norwich. Guess it’ll mean no visitors if I ever end up there.

No wonder you feel so worried carrottop - I absolutely empathise with that dread feeling- I’m lucky enough to have help with my husband who has mnd but still worry about being ill myself. These days the only way to get gp to listen is to keep on going back . I’m not sure whether it applies to you but The princes Trust do an emergency care thing which can help with a worry of being rushed to hospital and no one to care for a partner who is incapacitated.

Earthmother9

The GPS here don't even answer the phone, directed directly to a link for online services which I'm not good at and texts terrify me. I really would'nt know what to do in an emergency.

Earthmother9, that's what happens here if I call the GP's surgery. One of the first things the tin voice says is Press 1 for checking appointments. (What it doesn't say is that this option only applies to existing appointments, not making new ones.) When you're poorly, you hear the word "appointments" and gratefully follow instructions, which leads you nowhere. In any case, when I've tried to follow the instructions, a different tin voice says that my phone is not set up to use the service.
But I've found that if I let the recorded messages roll on without pressing anything, a real person will answer eventually.
Maybe you could try that, if you haven't already.

Unfortunately these days you have to be assertive with GPs. Ask to be referred for further investigations and don't accept no for an answer. We have good conscientious GPs at our surgery but also some GPs who usher you to the door... they are also under pressure to keep referrals low so the waiting list numbers look good. Ask to see a different GP. You also need to say you are only carer they would soon buck up their ideas if you became ill and your husband had to go in a home if you had to go into hospital.

Hi, all. I went for my GP appointment yesterday:
"Ah, you're here about your gout?"
"That's what the original appointment was made for (several weeks ago) but I've been in A&E since then with bad headache, confusion and..."
GP interrupts: "Oh well, I see they didn't keep you in?"
"No, I was told to call a taxi and go home even though I could barely walk."
GP goes quiet. "Oh well, you look OK today and your foot isn't too bad. Make another appointment here if it gets worse."
End of consultation.
I'm seriously considering seeing a private GP for £150 (another chip out of the Rainy Day Fund).

The GPS here don't even answer the phone, directed directly to a link for online services which I'm not good at and texts terrify me. I really would'nt know what to do in an emergency.

Thank you knspol and Bellanonna (I'm sorry you had a horrible fall too).

Do you have a garden you can go out in, or a park nearby. Being out in the fresh air could help to lift your spirits.

I watch comedy programmes too, mostly on BBC such as Would I lie to you, The Good Life etc.

Gloomy moods are hard to shift. My friend always says "This too will pass " I hope things pick up for you.

CarrotTop and Kate1949
My heart goes out to you both and I can only hope things will improve for you both.
A dreadful shock for you CarrotTop and sincerely hope you can at least get to see a GP very soon.
Kate 1949 I can't imagine how dreadful you must have felt when your worst fears came true and especially having your husband see you for the first time in that way. Do try to remember he loves you and think how you would feel if the positions were reversed, you would just be happy to see him alive.
Take care both of you and my very sincere good wishes.

That seems like a frightening experience, especially when you have so much responsibility at home and little support nearby. After a shock like that, it is understandable to feel anxious, so try taking things one day at a time rather than worrying about everything at once. Keep in touch with your GP and ask for a review, particularly as you had a severe headache and confusion. If those symptoms return, seek emergency help immediately. You deserve support too, so please do not feel you have to manage everything alone.

Not relating to the thread but I was glad to see you posting Kate49. Sorry, though, to hear of your fall. I did that too , 2 years ago, breaking teeth and nose. I hope you’re feeling better now
CarrotTop I hope your GP appointment later this week will be helpful and that you’ll come back and let us know.