What to say in a birthday card to recently bereaved

Esmay what a horrible cruel thing to write. Being widowed isn't freedom its a life sentence of grief. But we are the lucky was to have found the other half of ourself and them us. If we didn't love them we wouldn't grieve. I would rather grieve than never have had my husbands love and love him in return. As far as I am concerned I am still married and will always be Mrs.

Six months after my husband died an ex friend said at least you can stop grieving. Hence the ex . 22 years and still grieving but at these I know what true love is and had the person who knew the real me and I knew the real him .

Some people live their whole lives and never find the other half of themselves. So I would rather grieve for the rest of my life knowing I was loved completely and loved in return.

Whiff -
I am so sorry for your loss .
Some people grieve for many years.
A close friend from church also has had strange comments in a similar vein made to her.
She grieves terribly.

it's not the first nasty thing that this particular family have expressed
When my father was ill the mother saw me in the street and asked,
.How much longer is he going to live - it's taking him too long to die.
The sons do occasional casual gardening work and are also unpleasant.
They and another neighbour have a negative attitude towards us and it's always been there .
It's jealousy .
My mother was a career woman.
My father a successful businessman .
My children went on to uni and have their own homes and lucrative careers.
I know because of the nasty caustic comments.
What galls them is my unfailing politeness towards them.

Esmay your last sentence shows you are a woman after my own heart. I hated my in laws they never gave my husband any love or attention they feed and clothed and they where well off.

My father in law died in 1988 aged 70 . I was born disabled and he told me I was defective.

I hated my mother in law for 40 years but looked after her for 11 years after my husband died . She denied she ever had a son or had 2 grandchildren. She refused to go too their weddings. But everyone knew I looked after her she even had me as her emergency contact. I spent the last 2 days of her life by her bedside for 15 hours a day. The nurses said you must love her. But told them I hated the bones of her. They said why was I sitting with her I told them she is still my husband's mom,my mother in and our children's nan. It's easy to abandon people but I wasnt brought up to do that . My mom had a stronger sense of family. My husband got to know what real family was like with my large extended one .

My mother in laws brother only turned up after she was dead. Which speaks about their relationship.

People see grief as a negative emotion but I use it in a positive way. Like the anger and rage I still feel everyday over my husband dieing . But it gets me through everyday and I push myself to do new things. When I say I am going on one holiday they say who with . Only been able to afford to go on holiday last 3 years . They look at me if I am mad when I say by myself. I only go in GB via train with travel assistance my husband made me promise to go on holiday. I go to places we never went . Those memories are precious. Primier inn and Travel Lodge have accessible rooms for walking and wheelchair disabled. All their hotels have those rooms .

Over the years I have come to realise there is more than one grief. People only think it applies to the death of a loved one but there are different ones.

Esmay look after yourself..

Hi Whiff -
Looking back on my childhood I can see why I am the way I am :
My mother was very formal and good manners were paramount and my grandmother deeply religious so "turning the other cheek " was her mantra .
If I combine those ideals with a quasi hippy philosophy of the period -I can see how I developed .
I do think that I come across as a complete pushover at times .
It just against my nature to be argumentative,aggressive or assertive.

Grannynannywanny

Rather than send a birthday card I’d send a “Thinking of You” style of card.

I agree

Definitely go for a’Thinking of you’ type of card. My DS’s funeral was the day after my birthday and the cards I received actually never got opened! This was 34 years ago and it took me a very long time to start ‘celebrating’ my birthday and eventually only because my late husband said it would be good for our other children! Even now though I would be happy to ignore it! Letting her know you care will be enough for her I would think.

I know this is over but someone may look in the future - I lost my GD 2 weeks before my birthday and I cancelled it. I just couldn't bear the thought of any of it and my nearest and dearest didn't feel like being celebrating anything either - so I would suggest you ask.

Cambsnan

I need to send a card to someone who recently lost an adult child. I am at a loss of what today in the card. How do you wish them a good birthday?

I avoided all the cards that said Happy Birthday, Congratulations, Many Happy Returns etc.

Instead I sent a card which had a bunch of flowers on the front and no printed messages at all, in or out. Instead I wrote a personal message ending with wte " Thinking of you especially today.. with love and hugs from Bjam"

My friend lost her husband last year,we always sent Christmas cards, Last Christmas I just put Thinking of you..

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Reported.

I had this dilemma recently, wasn't sure what to say, I asked AI for ideas it came up with some excellent suggestions.

I had to send one very recently, to a relative who’d just lost a daughter. I put ‘I know it won’t be the happiest birthday you’ve ever had, but just to let you know we’re all thinking of you, and sending lots of love.’

(I had previously sent an ‘I’m so dreadfully sorry’ card.

I agree with the gentle approach others have suggested — a simple 'thinking of you' message means so much more than forced cheerfulness. For anyone struggling to find the right words, this page has a thoughtful collection of birthday wishes that can be adapted for difficult times too. Wishing you strength as you support your friend through this.