Readings and Personal What-have- yous

I've read "To everything there is a season" at a couple of funerals, including my FiL's. DS read something at that, too. We both got a bit emotional towards the ends of the readings.

The trouble is that, no matter how you think you'll cope, if you were attached to the person that has died it's hard not to get emotional and potentially incomprehensible when reading (that happened at the last funeral I attended).

It's therefore a good idea for family members to pool ideas and information and to write something about the deceased for the person taking the service to read out.

My Grandson really wanted to speak at my husbands funeral but knew he would get too emotional so he and his siblings wrote down what they wanted to say and our lovely celebrant read it on their behalf and it was lovely.

I haven't read at a funeral but the "best" sorts of funerals have more about the person and less of the simple "facts" of their life.

The facts are generally known to those who love them. The details of relationships and little quirks, their passions and who they were are the most moving and cathartic.

I also read the ‘To everything there is a season’, the old Bible version, at my cousin’s husband’s funeral. He was a farmer and it seemed very fitting.

I was a bit worried after I’d agreed to do it in case I felt upset, he had died suddenly, but I felt very calm on the day and think I did it justice.

It was the first reading, the little country church was full and you could hear a pin drop.

The words are beautiful and comforting.

I read this at my aunts funeral



What is dying
I am standing on the seashore, a ship sails in the morning breeze and starts for the ocean.
She is an object of beauty and I stand watching her till at last she fades on the horizon and someone at my side says: "She is gone."
Gone!
Where
Gone from my sight that is all.
She is just as large in the masts, hull and spars as she was when I saw her, and just as able to bear her load of living freight to its destination.
The diminished size and total loss of sight is in me, not in her, and just at the moment when someone at my side says,
"She is gone"
there are others who are watching her coming, and other voices take up a glad shout:
"There she comes!"
and that is dying.

Fanny my condolences on the loss of your Nan. Even when someone has lived to a great age, it still comes as a shock and leaves a gap in one’s life.
I read this at my DMiL’s funeral

Remember
BY CHRISTINA ROSSETTI
Remember me when I am gone away,
Gone far away into the silent land;
When you can no more hold me by the hand,
Nor I half turn to go yet turning stay.
Remember me when no more day by day
You tell me of our future that you plann'd:
Only remember me; you understand
It will be late to counsel then or pray.
Yet if you should forget me for a while
And afterwards remember, do not grieve:
For if the darkness and corruption leave
A vestige of the thoughts that once I had,
Better by far you should forget and smile
Than that you should remember and be sad.

Hope that helps

Over the years, I've had the privilege of delivering eulogies for my dear Mum, my much loved mother-in-law and my beloved sister. In all cases, copies of my planned speech were supplied to the Vicar, just in case I faltered. Knowing that support was available, enabled me to deliver them without difficulty. I talked about each of them based on my own and the personal reminiscences of other close family members.

For the funeral of my late brother in law, I read this poem which is often used at funerals:-

www.familyfriendpoems.com/poem/death-is-nothing-at-all-by-henry-scott-holland

I’m sure you will rise to the occasion, FannyCornforth and people will not think less of you, should your emotions overwhelm you. I wish you well and recommend thorough preparation beforehand and not looking into the eyes of those who are listening.

When my husband died neither myself or the children could have read anything. We had a non religious funeral as we are atheists. So the funeral director read what we said about him.

When my dad died my daughter who is the oldest of the grandchildren wrote about the the picnics nan and grandad took all the grandchildren on . She was in tears but read on. I broke down as up until that point had to hold it all together for my mom as I organised everything.

At my mom's funeral my brother wrote and read a piece he had written about her. I was mom's full time sole carer for 18 months. I just broke down . He was in tears by the time he finished .

What both my daughter and brother wrote was wonderful memories and was personal to us and mom and dad. The same was said at my husband's funeral. It made it all about them.

At my mother in law's funeral which was organised by her brother. My daughter and his son just read a piece out of the Bible. It was not about her it was an impersonal funeral. It could have been about a stranger.

If you want it to be about your nan you need to write something yourselves. Something about her life and things she did with the family and include some funny memories. If you can't read it yourself get whoever is conducting the service to do it.

It makes it her funeral she was unique her funeral should be to.

Thank you everyone for your thoughtful, kind and useful replies.
I like all of the ideas and readings.
NotSpaghetti - that is exactly what I was thinking.

My aunty will be supplying the Minister with a poem of her choice and all of the more factual stuff, although I'm sure that it will also include some more personal stuff too.

But I really wanted to focus on the emotional and family related things about Nan (I hope that I manage to be a bit clearer than I am being here!)
As regards getting upset, I don't think that I will as it will only be close family. I'm used to doing whole school assemblies so that should help.
I am naturally an anxious person (I have GAD) so it could be an issue, but my family understand.
I'll probably come back later if I have anything else to ask you!

I'm going to take more time now to read your messages properly with a cup of tea and a cat on my lap.

Thank you again - you're such a lovely lot, what we do without our GN friends

My aunty really wanted to speak at the funeral (she is used to reading in church) but she knows that she is a blubber.
I want to do it becomes I know that she, my dad, my Nan and my late Mom would really appreciate it.
We were fortunate than at my mom's funeral the Minister was a friend of mom, and they did the most fabulous eulogy I have ever heard.